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Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

438 replies

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 14:33

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

OP posts:
Booboobagins · 04/09/2026 17:48

I would suggest you meet as normal and tell him youve been offered a job in Australia. His reaction should speak volumes. Ypu can then talk about your feelings etc.

Good luck. Maybe he should also move the Australia, I would in a heartbeat!

Soverymuchfruit · 04/09/2026 16:26

Everyone who assumes it's a brilliant opportunity to work in Australia. Why?

The job itself is a promotion, which is good, but only short-term, which may be bad, depending on industry. But lay that aside. Why is it a good thing to go to Australia, as everyone seems to think?

OP probably already has a network of friends and family in the UK. Leaving all of them to live permanently on the other side of the world doesn't seem an intrinsically desirable thing to do. I don't remotely want to, for example. Nothing against Australia. But my network is here and I don't want to leave it, or spend the rest of my life trying to stay in touch with people who matter to me who are far away. I have family members who do this and would, in retrospect, have much preferred not to. OP would similarly be perfectly reasonable not to want to.

So "should" she want to go there for 6 months? She'd have to find a lot of that time finding her feet and making new connections and friends, or she'd be rather lonely. Some people would absolutely love that! But some of us find it hard work making new friends, and would find it rather demotivating to do so if they didn't intend to stick around permanently with those friends anyway. They'd be more concerned with staying in touch with their friends at home.

OP: aside from the man, you don't have to want to move to Australia! If you really don't, be clear with yourself about that. Then, do you want to go there for 6 months? Is the career opportunity actually good?

OneFineDay22 · 04/09/2026 14:51

All these people saying Australia sounds like a real opportunity - I think I would rather claw my own eyeballs out than live in Australia. Everyone I have known to live and work there is back and has nothing good to say about the place. I also know people from there who have emigrated. So, if she’s not that interested in Australia it might be more like she doesn’t want to make a move and him reject her and then feel like she has to go to Australia to get away from him and the awkwardness.

Have you decided what to do yet, OP?

HoChiMince · 04/09/2026 08:55

Absolutely go for the job. I was an introvert and never took an opportunity to work abroad. Now it’s too late as I have kids and elderly parents here - it’s one of the two major regrets I have in my life. I wish I’d had the guts. If it doesn’t work out, you can go back home again. The UK doesn’t cease to exist if you aren’t there. In the meantime, keep in touch with your friend. Maybe you’ll meet someone who blows you away when you’re in Australia, or maybe you don’t and you come back home again. If he’s as keen on you as you hope, then he’ll make himself available. If he isn’t, then you know it was never meant to be.

Mrcollinswave · 04/09/2026 08:25

I don't think you should let an opportunity like Australia pass you by. I may be projecting due to lost opportunities myself that I regret 😄 Do it, if he is interested you'll probably know about it when you hand your notice in! In any case if you're friends, it's easy to keep in touch these days with WhatsApp etc.

MJagain · 04/09/2026 06:55

PeonieLover · 03/09/2026 14:52

If he really liked you he would have made his feelings known but he hasn't so there's your answer.

Would a man let a potential life and career changing opportunity like an overseas move pass by due to a potential love interest? Very unlikely, think like a man and put yourself and your career first.

Don't make a fool of your self by declaring your love to someone you might need to ask for a professional reference in the future.

Edited

This

Just have a night out & kiss him. Youlll soon get your answer & a bit of fun, or you can brush over it as a moment of madness if he doesn’t reciprocate

Eitherway you should take the job

Sc0tlandbye · 04/09/2026 06:52

Also long term a Kiwi who struck out to london isnt going to settle down with someone dithering over an exciting 6 month contract

Sc0tlandbye · 04/09/2026 06:50

I think you're looking for noble reasons to back out of the Australia job because you're frightened.

Jesus it's 6 months. Take it

OriginalSkang · 04/09/2026 06:43

FreddoBRIDGE · 03/09/2026 20:08

Oh dear, how did you get so cynical?

I don't think thats cynical? Having your own money is more likely to get you heating and a roof over your head in old age. I think that's very obvious?

Ayarreet · 04/09/2026 00:42

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 17:58

Thank you everyone for the advice. Unfortunately I do not have the time to reply to everyone but I do appreciate it.

A lot of mixed responses - which is what I kind of expected! All different kinds of scenarios racing through my head right now.

For those asking, he does know about the job. I found out that he found out through the grape vine - mutual friends and acquaintances in the industry. It really is a small world. He had been waiting for me to bring it up.

He was a bit conflicted about it. At first said it was amazing, I should do as it’s the right thing for my career and that moving abroad was the best thing he ever did.

But at the same time he said he sensed a lot of doubt in me and if I had doubts I shouldn’t be moving to the other side of the world. In contrast, he said nothing in the world would have stopped him moving to London - he knew that’s what he wanted and nothing could have prevented him making it happen…. that I ought to feel as strongly as that for such a big move.

And they all lived happily ever after. The End. 🙄

OneFineDay22 · 03/09/2026 22:58

DrumsPleaseFab · 03/09/2026 21:18

He wanted London and would not let anything stopping him to get to London

if he wants you, there is no stopping him getting you if he wanted…

please do not do a big embarrassing confession, part of your infatuation with him is possibly the fact he is unattainable and a lot of it is in your imagination, it is all a fantasy. You do not know what he is like really. People are very different at work and the fact that he is your manager at work created a skewed idea of you subconsciously looking up to him

if he wanted you he’d be with you and nothing would stop him like nothing stopped him coming to London

i would go away spread your wings and find a new life 🎉

if he wants you, there is no stopping him getting you if he wanted…

Except OP rejecting him? Which she has said she laughed it off when he asked her out. What’s he supposed to do if he thinks his feelings are unreciprocated? Keep harassing her? He thinks she’s not interested in being more than friends.

NewNameW · 03/09/2026 21:44

Are you hoping he would go with you? Or are you hoping to have a reason to stay home?

DrumsPleaseFab · 03/09/2026 21:18

He wanted London and would not let anything stopping him to get to London

if he wants you, there is no stopping him getting you if he wanted…

please do not do a big embarrassing confession, part of your infatuation with him is possibly the fact he is unattainable and a lot of it is in your imagination, it is all a fantasy. You do not know what he is like really. People are very different at work and the fact that he is your manager at work created a skewed idea of you subconsciously looking up to him

if he wanted you he’d be with you and nothing would stop him like nothing stopped him coming to London

i would go away spread your wings and find a new life 🎉

LivingTheDreamish · 03/09/2026 21:10

Take the job. Maintain the friendship. See what happens when he’s no longer your boss. I don’t think generally men welcome declarations.

daisychain01 · 03/09/2026 21:00

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 14:46

I am in two minds over the job. On paper it is a fantastic opportunity but I’m afraid about moving so far away, and all alone. I’m very introverted and concerned I’ll be lonely. But the opportunity is a huge one.

There are plenty of opportunities a lot closer to home than Australia.

one things for sure, don't screw up your career because you fancy the boss. You'll always be the loser, they will stay and get to keep their job and you'll be the one looking for new employment. Just not worth the risk or hassle.

Mmhmmn · 03/09/2026 20:35

SukiPook · 03/09/2026 14:40

Hmm yeah
Maybe think of the least embarrassing way to say it to him, I mean even if he doesn't feel the same way, you do know he likes you so he'd probably be flattered and be kind about it....
And perhaps he is indeed feeling the same way.
As if he doesn't feel the same way and it gets a bit awkward, well you're then leaving to go to Australia anyway so you would be soon out of the situation.
I probably would say something though in case you end up tortured with "What ifs"

I agree with this. You could probably introduce a level of flirtation that makes it clear you like him while not embarrassing yourself in case the feelings aren’t mutual (they probably are though)

PropertyD · 03/09/2026 20:28

he sounds a bit shy and as you have turned him down for a date he is likely to be wary . Speak to him otherwise you will never know. Have a few dates and see how it goes. It might fizzle out and it’s not as though you are going to Australia tomorrow

worldshottestmom · 03/09/2026 20:20

Greatexpect · 03/09/2026 17:46

Isn’t love worth more than a job opportunity? Especially when you’re not sure you’d be happy in aus anyway?

OP I would tell him you’re thinking of going.. see what he says

It isn't love though, its some guy she likes who hasn't bothered to tell her he likes her. If he did really like her, he would tell her. If he's not sure, then I don't think it's true love.

Certainly not enough to give up a job opportunity like this over a "what if", as she may (likely) find the shoe on the other foot and wonder what if about the Aus job.

Honestly if it were me, id tell him I like him, if he says he liked me back say I need to prioritise my career (as men always do!) And say im still going to Aus. If the relationship can't survive 6 months long distance then it was doomed from the start.

Holidaymodeon · 03/09/2026 20:19

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 17:58

Thank you everyone for the advice. Unfortunately I do not have the time to reply to everyone but I do appreciate it.

A lot of mixed responses - which is what I kind of expected! All different kinds of scenarios racing through my head right now.

For those asking, he does know about the job. I found out that he found out through the grape vine - mutual friends and acquaintances in the industry. It really is a small world. He had been waiting for me to bring it up.

He was a bit conflicted about it. At first said it was amazing, I should do as it’s the right thing for my career and that moving abroad was the best thing he ever did.

But at the same time he said he sensed a lot of doubt in me and if I had doubts I shouldn’t be moving to the other side of the world. In contrast, he said nothing in the world would have stopped him moving to London - he knew that’s what he wanted and nothing could have prevented him making it happen…. that I ought to feel as strongly as that for such a big move.

This update makes him sound a bit manipulative.
despite being your boss he’s only 28, not a life expert despite his personal experience of moving abroad.
Who’s he to tell you what you should be feeling and that he senses doubt?

OneFineDay22 · 03/09/2026 20:18

FreddoBRIDGE · 03/09/2026 19:57

It is. A career won’t keep you warm and content in your old age

It’s not really an either/or by the sounds of it. OP doesn’t sound like she would 100% take the job, but if she did want to she could still take it, whether he feels the same or not.

Holidaymodeon · 03/09/2026 20:16

Australia could be a once in a lifetime thing. Men / partners come and go

FreddoBRIDGE · 03/09/2026 20:08

OriginalSkang · 03/09/2026 20:03

Actually, yes it will. Its far, far more likely to!

Oh dear, how did you get so cynical?

OriginalSkang · 03/09/2026 20:03

FreddoBRIDGE · 03/09/2026 19:57

It is. A career won’t keep you warm and content in your old age

Actually, yes it will. Its far, far more likely to!

FreddoBRIDGE · 03/09/2026 19:57

OriginalSkang · 03/09/2026 17:48

Love is absolutely not worth giving up a good job opportunity for, no!

It is. A career won’t keep you warm and content in your old age

OneFineDay22 · 03/09/2026 19:54

HideousKinky · 03/09/2026 19:42

I disagree with him about the doubts.

You can return if it doesn't work out for you because the initial commitment is only for 6 months.

Some people are overthinkers (I am one myself!) so rarely feel 100% certain about anything because of all the scenarios you find yourself playing out in your head. Having doubts is not necessarily a reason not to give it a try

When I read that I thought he was finding excuses for her to stay