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Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

438 replies

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 14:33

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

OP posts:
MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/09/2026 18:56

OriginalSkang · 04/09/2026 06:43

I don't think thats cynical? Having your own money is more likely to get you heating and a roof over your head in old age. I think that's very obvious?

Do you think OP is destined to a life of penury if she checks out whether this guy is interested in her and gives a relationship a go? It's not as if she'd be abandoning the world of work or even a stint in Australia

DuskyRoses · 04/09/2026 18:54

You say that, but he asked me out on a date a few months ago. I stupidly thought he was joking and laughingly turned it down

So you rejected him.

I think you need to talk to him.

If he's a decent guy your rejection would have made him back off. Especially when you work together.

1exhaustedmama · 04/09/2026 18:53

Ninjamum52 · 04/09/2026 18:42

Please don't give up a huge opportunity for a maybe fling. The what ifs work both ways - you could end up in a crappy situation thinking what if I'd taken that opportunity. Being away from home is tough, but adventure and growth awaits. Do it while you're young, and come home with a great CV if you don't like it. If it's meant to be with this guy, tell him to look you up in Oz. Unless you're already having sunset cocktails with another x

I’m with you on this. Unfortunately so
many women just throw their carers away for some guy that has no consideration for them only to end up with nothing.

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 18:52

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/09/2026 18:47

Ha ha - that's exactly what I was remembering when reading the OP! (though I remember always being a bit disappointed Rachel got off the plane...)

Me too. I always thought Ross was a bit wet !!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/09/2026 18:51

OriginalSkang · 03/09/2026 20:03

Actually, yes it will. Its far, far more likely to!

No reason why OP can't have both

ThreadGuardDog · 04/09/2026 18:51

scaredaboutwork · 03/09/2026 14:44

How would you suggest? I’ve never confessed my feelings before… the thought terrifies me!

OP if you’re already close then I think confessing that you have romantic feelings for him would be the thing to do here. You have a friendship bond so even if he didn’t return your feelings he would likely let you down gently so you wouldn’t lose face. And then you would know, so your decision to either take the job opportunity or not would be based on fact and not supposition about what might have been.

DuskyRoses · 04/09/2026 18:51

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/09/2026 18:50

He DID ask her out. OP laughed it off

yes here it is - You say that, but he asked me out on a date a few months ago. I stupidly thought he was joking and laughingly turned it down.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/09/2026 18:50

5682Jhd · 03/09/2026 19:13

In the words of Bridget Jones friends.. There’s been all these bloody signs but has he actually ever stuck his tongue down your throat?!?
I wouldn’t suggest changing your plans for a guy that didn’t have the bottle to ask me out himself.

He DID ask her out. OP laughed it off

DuskyRoses · 04/09/2026 18:49

If he was interested in you why has he not asked you out?
Is this because work relationships are frowned upon?
Is it against the rules as he is your boss?

That could be one reason. Only you know your workplace and if that's an issue.

Radioheads · 04/09/2026 18:49

IMO when a man is really into you, he would let you know by now.
He may feel the frisson with you but if he was gaga, hecwould make a move.
Take that opportunity OP.
Don't miss a huge opportunity for a man.
The biggest bullshit fallacy that women fall for is that they have one soulmate.
There are so many possibilities out there.
If you were my daughter I would advise you to go.
Men make it happen when it works for them.
Women don't seem to realise this.
A man who really wants something to work will 100% make it happen.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/09/2026 18:47

BarbieKew · 03/09/2026 18:36

Maybe watch this episode again

Oh and I definitely think you should tell him how you feel, and see what he says.

Ha ha - that's exactly what I was remembering when reading the OP! (though I remember always being a bit disappointed Rachel got off the plane...)

d317 · 04/09/2026 18:45

Go to Aussie and keep in touch with him, see how much he keeps In Touch with you, then you’ll know his feelings for you. Shame you turned him down when he asked you out, as he probably doesn’t know where he stands, especially if you keep in touch with him.

sorry I’m not helping. What about telling him away from work on one of your hangouts and see what he says. Say something like ‘I’ve been offered a job in Aussie but I’m torn about taking it. Tell him you really enjoy being with him. His reaction will speak volumes.

Nice problem to have !

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/09/2026 18:43

ginasevern · 03/09/2026 16:37

@scaredaboutwork Take a tip from an old lady (me) and grab the fantastic opportunity in Australia whilst you're young. Things like that only happen once in your life, and that's if you're bloody lucky. Men are rarely worth throwing wonderful opportunities away for. I know to your young (and romantic) ears that sounds horribly cynical but honestly I think this would be a terrible waste of a new and exciting future for you. Don't deny yourself this amazing chance for the sake of a bloke.

No (real) reason why she can't do both!

Ninjamum52 · 04/09/2026 18:42

Please don't give up a huge opportunity for a maybe fling. The what ifs work both ways - you could end up in a crappy situation thinking what if I'd taken that opportunity. Being away from home is tough, but adventure and growth awaits. Do it while you're young, and come home with a great CV if you don't like it. If it's meant to be with this guy, tell him to look you up in Oz. Unless you're already having sunset cocktails with another x

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/09/2026 18:41

Bikenutz · 03/09/2026 16:26

This changes things in my view. He tested your response and you didn’t go for it. The ball is now very much in your court to make a move, if you want something to potentially happen. He is unlikely to try a second time in case he is rebuffed again.

Precisely!

NamechangeRugby · 04/09/2026 18:41

Actually I think @OldRocker99 might have the right idea. I would still go to Oz regardless. Life is short. Live it! 6 months is nothing. He can visit.

Pieceofpurplesky · 04/09/2026 18:40

Oh just tell him! Life's too short

Pipihihi · 04/09/2026 18:40

I fell in love with someone who’s just moved to Australia, we knew a year ahead.
Of course he can go too, if things work out eventually, but you need to know if it’s something he would want. I’d speak to him now and get it out in the open. If it’s something you both want you’re young enough to make it work. If he never wants to move there and you do then obviously it’s not going to work out.

Sadly I’ve had to walk away in my situation. Don’t let a bit of logistics and distance change anything, think about the job in its own right. You can long distance for a while whilst you get to know each other properly, I wouldn’t make plans around anyone unless I was serious with them for a year or so first. But it can take months to get the visa underway.

itsalltoplayfor · 04/09/2026 18:40

I ought to feel as strongly as that for such a big move.
Not necessarily, we all feel differently according to our personalities and background. You're more anxious or questioning that's all.
Obviously a move to Oz is a big step and of course it is intimidating but what an opportunity! Go, you will rise to the challenge and may never get the chance again. You might meet someone out there.
I wouldn't stake everything on a maybe/maybe not relationship. He could come to visit you in Oz or you could rendezvous midway?

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/09/2026 18:39

KnickerlessParsons · 03/09/2026 16:11

Go to Aus, and fall in love with a nice Aussie chap, and put your colleague behind you.
And if it doesn't work out in Aus, come home and find yourself a nice British chap who doesn't have the complications that this one does.

What complications does this guy have? (it doesn't work out in Aus, come home and find yourself a nice British chap who doesn't have the complications that this one does). He's not married and they won't be working together

August1980 · 04/09/2026 18:37

Hmm. Just go to Oz.

he has had opportunities to declare himself like a mature and responsible adult to find a way so you both can work through it. He hasn’t so go! Great opportunity. Make the best of it!

you can ofcourse tell him before you go and if it was meant to be you will both still find a way. I am in the go camp. I met my husband whilst travelling and I remember saying to my mum, I am done, lived on 6 continents now so coming home. We have been together 14 years married for 10 with a baby and a toddler.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/09/2026 18:36

neilyoungismyhero · 03/09/2026 16:00

Why don't you ask him out on a date?
Do you fancy a night out somewhere?
Like you he can either say no or yes..not sure why you turned him down really.

Almost as fickle as security of employment ...

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/09/2026 18:34

BlueFahrenheit · 03/09/2026 15:51

Go to Australia.

If he were truly interested, he would have made the necessary moves. Never chase a man.

Edited

Disagree entirely with the (edited) second sentence of this post!

1exhaustedmama · 04/09/2026 18:32

How about taking a couple of months after moving then if you still feel the same then do that- what happens if you move to the next role and meet someone you truly like?

NamechangeRugby · 04/09/2026 18:31

Go!

Ask if he would consider visiting and maybe travelling with you for a bit when you are out there, maybe at the 6 month mark. Then you might have your answer as to how keen he is. Absence makes the heart grow fonder (6 months is nothing). Be very wary if he tries to dissuade you from going - love let's someone go. It will also follow to the ends of the earth if necessary. (my Mills & Boon two pennies worth! ).