Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

I did say we should hang out more - and we booked the theatre for next week! So, I honestly don’t know if it’s a date or just friends hanging out. We also went to a concert last week. Nothing has ever happened though

I am in two minds over the job. On paper it is a fantastic opportunity but I’m afraid about moving so far away, and all alone. I’m very introverted and concerned I’ll be lonely. But the opportunity is a huge one.

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

If it was true love, do you not think he'd have made it clear that he was interested by now? I think the opposite - don't give up the career-adventure-of-a-lifetime on the offchance that some bloke you work with might fancy you even if he has never made a move.

I did say we should hang out more - and we booked the theatre for next week! So, I honestly don’t know if it’s a date or just friends hanging out. We also went to a concert last week. Nothing has ever happened though

He's her boss

Oh, well, definitely tell him then. He could be pining after you, and you'd never know!

As a Kiwi, I think us women are very forward in terms of making the first move or putting out strong signs that we're interested, and thanks to that our men are (according to other cultures) pretty terrible at making the first move unless you're practically throwing yourself at them by other cultures' standards.

Disclaimer: Obvious generalisations, but still.

You say that, but he asked me out on a date a few months ago. I stupidly thought he was joking and laughingly turned it down. Since then we have built the friendship back up. We have plans together for the next few weeks. I think he’s afraid of confessing anything after what happened last time and I’m also afraid. But I’m not sure if I’m misreading the whole thing. Feel so very conflicted.

I have also not accepted the job in Oz yet. I’m torn for various reasons, not just him, but he is probably the main one at this stage.

Surely he would have made a move by now if you are both single and free.

And he can do it again.

I’ve fallen in love with my boss. We are both 28. He’s not technically my line manager, but he’s one of two team leaders, so there is obviously still a work dynamic there.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone before. We’ve grown really close over the last few months and hang out outside of work sometimes, just the two of us. Nothing has actually happened and it’s all been platonic, but I feel like there is something between us.

I think he likes me too, but obviously I can’t know for sure.

There have been enough moments/signs that make me think I’m not imagining it, but I also know when you really like someone you can read into things.

My feeling is that if it is mutual, we’ve both probably avoided actually doing anything about it because 1) we work together, 2) he’s in a more senior position, and 3) neither of us wants to risk rejection and then have to see each other at work afterwards.

Which brings me to the problem.

I’ve been offered a job in Australia, starting in the New Year.

If he wasn’t in the picture, this would already be a huge life decision, but now I feel completely torn.

Part of me thinks I should just take the opportunity, go to Australia and accept that the timing with him was wrong. I also know that realistically pursuing something while I’m still working with him could get complicated.

But I keep imagining myself sitting on the flight wondering whether I’ve just walked away from someone I could have had something really special with because neither of us was brave enough to say anything. As I said earlier, I’ve literally never felt this way before.

At the same time, the idea of confessing how I feel terrifies me. If I’ve completely misread him, I’ve potentially made our friendship and working relationship awkward right before I leave.

Would you tell him before deciding?

Don’t give up the chance of true love for a job. Tell him how you feel and give it a go if he feels the same. If it doesn’t work out there will be loads of other career opportunities ❤️

Is it true love if it can’t manage a six month separation, though? You learn so much about yourself living somewhere else for a bit and it’s an amazing opportunity to develop her career, not just a one-off job.

Don’t give up the chance of true love for a job. Tell him how you feel and give it a go if he feels the same. If it doesn’t work out there will be loads of other career opportunities ❤️

Don’t move to Australia. Too far from
the rest of the world. I always feel isolated when I visit for holidays.

I think you should express your feelings or you may regret it later, just be careful on how you word it.

As you are already friends can you say something like

"I would genuinely appreciate your thoughts on this opportunity I have to move to Australia. It would be good for my career I think. You have also moved countries - what aren't I considering? And is there anything else I should be thinking about? Are you going to beg me to stay? "

I’m already so torn about moving to Australia as it is. I’m excited for the opportunity but terrified because I don’t know anyone out there. So many mixed emotions!