Do I confess my feelings to my boss before moving to the other side of the world?

He didn't sulk at all. Where do you get that from? We stayed together for a few more years.

I disagree with him about the doubts.

You can return if it doesn't work out for you because the initial commitment is only for 6 months.

Some people are overthinkers (I am one myself!) so rarely feel 100% certain about anything because of all the scenarios you find yourself playing out in your head. Having doubts is not necessarily a reason not to give it a try

I think you need to tell him how you feel and that you have been offered a 6 month fixed term job in Australia, you are going to accept it (you would be mad to miss that opportunity) and you would like him to visit you. If he feels the same way he will visit - it is basically travelling back to his side of the globe so the distance is unlikely to be an issue for him. See what he says. If he doesn't feel the same way then so be it, you will be distracted by your new job and life for at least the next 6 months. In which part of Australia is the job?

I was in a similar position to you around 13 years ago now. I had just met a man I really liked but was then offered a job abroad I really wanted to take. I couldn't decide so did both 😅 dated him until the day I left and he dropped me at the airport, both in tears. Terribly Richard Curtis as a previous poster has already pointed out....
He came to visit me once a month until I moved home again a year later. We've now been married 10 years.
My advice would be tell him but go anyway. You never know what could happen.

In fairness if someone asked me to marry them in front of their mate, I’d also assume he was joking. I’d be even less impressed if he then sulked for years and said he would never ask again.

Do not 'confess' anything.

Go to Oz. Live your life.

Give him your number and see if he texts you. If they're keen, they can't keep away.

I was proposed to. We were young. His mate was there. I had no confidence and thought he was playing a joke. I said no. He said he'd never ask again. Decades later we've found our way back, but what a waste.

tell him

Go to Australia! That sounds like an adventure you will never forget. Even if it is just for 6 months.

I mean, she said he did ask her? But she thought he was joking and said no, and laughed it off. Also if he’s her boss or superior he might be concerned about sexual harassment, especially after she has already said no.

In the words of Bridget Jones friends.. There’s been all these bloody signs but has he actually ever stuck his tongue down your throat?!?
I wouldn’t suggest changing your plans for a guy that didn’t have the bottle to ask me out himself.

Please don't do it. These "confessions" so rarely end the way the person wants them to. Go to Australia. You are young. Live your life.

I think you should go to Australia and see how it goes. It might be amazing. It might not. But these opportunities don’t come up often.
Re the guy, I wonder if subconsciously you are trying to find a reason to stay to avoid doing something out of your comfort zone? As even if he does like you, that’s no guarantee of anything.

"So, when are you taking me out on that date then?"

See what he responds with and take it from there.....

At 28 I wouldn't count on him never moving back to NZ or to Aus.

You really don't have to feel as strongly as he does about moving. Just give it a go for 6 months. You can even ask about taking it as unpaid leave.

Why can't you ask him on a date? You don't have to confess any feelings, you just want to try whether he's for you. He might be a terrible kisser or terrible in bed!

Do not ruin your chance of a lifetime with your career!
You will meet someone in Australia; its full of men too!

Personally I absolutely would not say no to such an incredible opportunity for a man I am not in a relationship with.

I think you would be crazy to do so.

Tell him. Even if he feels the same you can still go for 6 months which will fly by & then take the next step from there.

I would send him a text. Apologise for laughing when he asked you on a date. Say you were caught out and handled it badly. So you would like to ask him on a date on Saturday for dinner. If he doesn't want to it's easy as saves face for both of you.

You'd be going from 0-100 if you suddenly launch in and tell him you love him and want a future together enough for you to give up the possibility of a new life overseas.
Could you arrange a few casual 'dates' and see how things progress - pizza and a movie, wander round a gallery and Saturday brunch or something and see if there is any spark coming back from him.
If he doesn't want to do this I think you have your answer.

Oh and another way of doing it, is (easier after a few drinks) is that whole thing when you're out of "ooh it feels like a date... is it a date? haha, it kind of feels like one" etc.
That could steer you to the conversation about how you thought he was jokingly when he asked you on a date before and that's why you turned him down - you need to clear that up!

No don’t do it, go to Australia you can always come back, a potential partner is no reason to upend your life. It might start out as scary but I think you’ll have a great time and be glad you went.

@scaredaboutwork , I always think that in these situations, it's better to tell the person in a light enough way that if they don't feel the same as you then they are able to let you down easily without it seeming like a big deal. So an example would be, when you are together (not at work) having a good chat, bring it to the subject of relationships… And say something about how you could only be in a relationship with someone that you get on really well with and have a good connection with, then say "for example someone like you, but I'm sure you wouldn't go for someone like me!" That way, you're being self-deprecating and lighthearted enough so that if he doesn't feel the same, he might say something like "oh yeah sorry, but I do tend to go for a totally different type to you", and you can then reply nonchalantly like "ah well that's alright, cos it's obvious that you and I have a really great platonic friendship anyway, so we could never be partners and I will continue going for people who are wrongly-suited to me, haha!"

(Gosh i've just written the whole script there!)

^ That is the worst case scenario anyway! What would hopefully happen is, in response to you saying that you would like to hypothetically be with someone like him, but he probably would never go for someone like you... he will reply "oh gosh of course I'd go for someone like you, but you are way out of my league and I never thought you would like me like that way..."
Cue blushes and smiles and general loveliness of exchanging flattering comments and having your first kiss together!

You're welcome.😘

In summary, I think it's best to keep it hypothetical when sussing out if someone likes you back. It leaves wriggle room for backtracking if necessary!

Good luck, and make sure you let us know how it goes!

I think people here are being a bit “cool” i.e. cool women will fuck him off and go to Australia. In reality, moving abroad is not for everyone.

Also, some people care more about relationships and having a family than a career. Equally there might be other career opportunities. Good relationships can be hard to find also.

It’s absolutely fine to prioritise a romantic relationship. If he’s a good guy and you work out, he might support you with the move anyway or help with the decision anyway! Or it just might be a non starter. What would not be fine is letting a potential relationship impact your decision making on Australia but not actually acting on the relationship part- worst of both worlds.

Ask the guy out for a drink, don’t talk about Australia, see what happens. Be aware you might need to navigate an awkward work situation too.

I fell for my boss, sounds like we had a similar relationship to you. It was cosy, we were friendly beyond work chat and he was just so so clearly my person. We both made a slight hint at more during a Christmas party and decided to go to the pub to talk about it. We both acknowledged that due to the work element we needed to be sure from the get go. We both were. He took a sideways move into a different team to not be in breach of any work policies, which took about 3 months to happen- working together every day, keeping the relationship quiet was tough. But his willingness to make the move and his insistence that my career stay on track showed his commitment and that he was a good guy. Kept it quiet but not secret for a further year, when he moved in. His support and backing has allowed my career to flourish, more so than any particular job. Married 6 years, a decade together. I am very ambitious but always said that the thing I wanted most in life was a happy marriage and I would be more upset to miss out on that than career stuff. Turns out the two went hand in hand.

If it was for a fling, I’d tell you to focus on the job, but if he’s potentially the love of your life and you want to settle down, 28 is a pretty good age and why would you potentially miss that?

Maybe watch this episode again

Oh and I definitely think you should tell him how you feel, and see what he says.