Don’t want my 16 year old here anymore.

If he has known since the age of ten that you didn’t want him, then it doesnt excuse his behaviour, but it does explain it a bit. And will not alter anything now.

I suggested a boxing club before but he will only go if someone else suggests it. He won’t if you do. He hates you as much as you hate him.

You do need to speak to people who can do something. Plenty of suggestions made. But you need to be proactive and go back to talk to them. And to get help, hard though it may be try to do it calmly and not get angry. Ask clear questions about what, who, where you can get help if not from them. For yourself and for him. And for your other children.

Take your card off him for a start?!

Maybe find something like a boxing club - a lot of those have originally been set up to help difficult / lost teens and they provide them with a real sense of community and purpose.

Why didnt you phone police then?

Remove all devices and phone police to remove him every single time he kicks off.

Hes had a lot of upset and back and forth with different men coming in and out of his life and being abusive. Hes seen from this that he can do what he wants. Hes had a lot of new siblings (babies and toddlers and exhausted pregnant mums are stressful for kids and they often feel pushed out.) Its not necessarily your fault but a young boy raised like this with unlimited screen time and no boundaries will always act out.

In your position I would call a domestic violence helpline. They will advise you how you can get him out to keep you & your children safe. I was in this position with my son but I had a husband to keep us safe.

This is a good suggestion. Something to take any anger out but redirection and discipline from other, usual men who lead. Boxing clubs are very good for it.

I would not do it together. I would encourage him to join a boxing club or martial arts club on his own. Have a chat with a boxing club leader on your own by all means. They might be able to encourage him to join.

Sorry I see "He will not attend any appointments. I had him referred to CAMHS he didn’t and wouldn’t engage so they discharged him."

Was this online or in person? We found online wass actually easier. We did nit get the right help so habe been re-refered to CAMHS.

OP contact them again and ask for accommodation to be provided for your DS under Section 20 if the Children’s Act 1989. Tell them you have reached crisis point, that you can no longer care for him because he is a danger to you and his other siblings. Make it clear that he will be effectively homeless and they have a duty to act.

I'm curious about why you haven't acknowledged any of the comments mentioning phoning the police. It might seem like a scary line to cross but your current situation is pretty dire, it's worth considering.

You shouldn’t have to put up with this
He needs to understand that bad behaviour has consequences.
I understand I’m not walking in your shoes OP
but I just would not be able to put up with this behaviour. It would break me. I’ve had awful behaviour from my sons before and honestly the only thing they seemed to understand cold toughness
I honestly would have called the Police

Is he in school? Or college? Was he disruptive and violent in school too?

I'm only asking as I'd suggest talking with someone at the school or college. At our primary school, we'd much rather a parent comes to us and says "I'm really struggling, I can't handle how he is at home, please help" as we can work as a team. We can signpost the parent to support locally, but we can also talk about what approaches work well in school, what doesn't work well, and it really helps for the school staff to understand what's happening at home.

It could be that he's aged out of that kind of support from school but in a non-judgemental way, that's what I'd suggest as a first port of call.

I'm so sorry that you're living like this, it must be really stressful and isolating.

I saw someone else already ask about any sports or gym as that was another thing I thought of when I read your post. My sons go nearly daily to the gym for and they play team sports. One of them commented a few years ago that he likes his gym training and the training and matches as it helps to get any aggression out in a safe way, he feels lighter and calmer after a work out. I know it's different as he's not got the same behaviours or character as your 16 year old but I was just thinking about the gym impact on his mental health.

My DH found a sport that really turned things around for him as a teen too, he was an angry young man and in trouble alot but he had really positive male role models at this sport who taught him about respect and responsibility and those old fellas are still a huge part of his life and made a massive difference.

I'm so sorry that you've not had the support you want and need from social services. Are you able to contact Action for Children? They've got some useful contacts and signposting and advice on their website but you might prefer to talk to someone in real life. I found this page for you and there are more contacts if your scroll to the bottom of the page: Dealing with violent behaviour from your child or teenager

You might not recognise this as domestic abuse but it is.

Contact woman's aid and consider calling the police. Being arrested might give him a kick up the butt.

Can you call the police when he attacks members of the household?

Have you called social services for help OP?

You don’t know why? He’s watched his mum get into relationships with men who mistreat her. He models himself on these men who have been held up to him as examples of adult manhood.

You call social services and ask for help. If he threatens violence you call the police.

If the son cares about his 3 year old sister, how about getting her dad involved? He should be involved anyway, he should be protecting his daughter from this negative home environment.