Don’t want my 16 year old here anymore.

Call the police next time he's violent

You need to do something ASAP if he's hitting the younger kids hel soon start on the 3yr old.

So how would you guarantee the other young children's safety then?

What happened when he was 10? As there is a 3 year old as well did this start before his dad left? Or was there another man involved? Was there any abuse in the house or directly involving him?

I so sympathise with you. I've seen this behaviour before with teenage boys and it's soul destroying. You need to protect your younger children and yourself. Social services are fucking awful, useless box tickers. Ring 101 (police non emergency number) to ask for advice on removing him. You sound like a lovely mum who's trying her best in difficult circumstances. I wish hou well. Good luck.

If he has no care for what you say now turning 18 wont help. He will be hard to get out and then will just keep turning up taking what he wants and threatening you.

Sometimes you have to keep on at social agencies. The squeaky wheels and all that.
How horrible for your younger children to have to live in fear. Bad enough for you.
Unfortunately I think you need to get police involved. Everything is going his way atm as he is throwing his weight around. He needs to hit the hard blue wall and get sorted now before things get worse.

Contact National Domestic Abuse Helpline, you're a victim of adolescent-to-parent violence and abuse (CAPVA)

Op if you feel physically threatened by your son and he is violent towards his siblings then try and get support from:

https://www.pegsupport.co.uk/

Call the police next time he hits any of the other children, threatens you, or smashes something.

If he's assaulting your other children you have to call the Police,not easy I know when it's your own child but you can't allow your son to use his siblings or you as a punch bag.
Your younger children rely on you to keep them safe and rite now that's not happening.

Start phoning the police on him, not to have a word, but to charge him with whatever offence he is committing. He won't get a conviction, but it will get him into the system. There'll be a level of him being forced to engage. At the moment he is a vulnerable young person and there's a duty of care towards him. It would be unfair of you to let this go on and him get to an age were no-one cares, until he ends up in prison.

You've made your mind up. You want people to tell you that it's absolutely fine to surrender your son to the state. I'm not one of them, but I wish you and your son the best, whatever that looks like.

You need to fight to get the attention you both needs, social services, neet team for 16yos, there will be help out there. He is a vulnerable young adult who is technically still a child, if you kick him out he will likely go down the drugs route. That's not to be cruel, it's the reality of a young man who (for whatever reason, not your fault) has never quite fitted into his family or society and finds himself alone** before he's developmentally able to cope.

**eta, finding him supported living accommodation is a good idea, in a managed block. That isn't what I meant by alone.

Phone the police and tell them he’s assaulted his siblings and you want him gone
get a new bank card card and lock it away somewhere
he sounds vile my cousin had a son like this she called the police after he attacked his sister in a rage and they were really good. He doesn’t live with them now he lives in supported living which is much more appropriate to his needs. I hope you get something sorted soon.

Once you have the new cards, use your banking app to toggle them to block them from being used, and only unblock them when you need to use them. Hopefully that should stop him using the details if he does manage to get hold of them.

It's a desperate situation @Blackwidowsbite. I hope supported housing for him is an option, and you and the rest of your DC can move forward more peacefully, while your DS gets some help.

Seriously when it has got to this stage the issue is that the DS won’t listen or communicate. It is really a great challenge as a single mother in this state- one on one is just not possible. Actually a circuit breaker is needed. And you can’t do that in your own with other kids who are threatened.

But what if he descends into worse stuff by staying home?
From what the poor OP has written I'm more concerned about the physical safety of her and the younger children not to mention long term emotional damage to the whole family.
He needs taking under the wing of professionals, preferably big burly ones with a no-nonsense attitude.

No they don't.

At 16, while he may still may be a child he's physically closer to being a man - a violent man who is a danger to you and your other children in your house. So it sounds like a police matter first and social services second.

Safety is the priority. But other than that, therapy and advice from charities/ organisations and professionals, daily one on one time, not just discussing the behaviour or negativity. Praise any kind of positive behaviour. Refusing to take part in arguments. Staying completely calm and speaking in a calm, low voice during outbursts. Eventually setting clear boundaries and establishing a routine.

No advice for your 16-year-old I'm sorry, but have you looked into whether there are any "big brother"/mentoring programs available in your area for your younger boys? You may have to ask at the high schools or even the police might know of something. They have them in my area (not UK) but they're not really well known. Ideal for boys who don't have positive male role models or who have witnessed older males in their lives not making the best choices.

It sound like things are really tough for you. I haven’t read all the replies but have you thought about anonymously calling children’s social care ‘as a concerned neighbour’. If there is shouting in the home this could potentially be heard outside the home so not unreasonable that a ‘neighbour’ would report concerns.
I hope things improve for you.

The lad's 16. He's refusing to engage with CAMHS. He sounds PDA but what's the point of pursuing treatment for that when he won't engage with CAMHS?

OP claiming what she's owed from the deadbeat has some chance of a positive outcome, unlike trying and failing to get a violent 16yo to engage with CAMHS. There's no situation where extra money in a woman's pocket makes her life worse.

Other people have made other sensible suggestions, like calling the police next time he turns violent, trying to get him into supported accommodation, etc. There's no point in me repeating those.

As for noting that the OP made two mistakes, no one ever learned not to do it again by pretending that they didn't make a mistake in the first place. I made it clear that I'm not blaming her by acknowledging that it's not easy to recognise a deadbeat ahead of getting pregnant by him.