Dad's new date says two of her children are narcissists

Indeed!

What about her mother?

Quite 😂😂

Then things go wrong and poor dad will be labelled too

It’s kind of up to your dad tbh, it’s his love life.

Yes massive red flag!
However, your dad isn’t going to listen to you.

The paying for dates is fine.
I’m guessing your dad is 50+ and so this is completely normal for him and he’d probably be offended if she paid for herself.

Id say she should at least buy some drinks and show willing to do this ..I would always buy some drinks on a date or contribute men shouldn't always pay for everything I agree that this should be watched see if she offers to pay for anything some people are disingenuous takers.

This word gets thrown around a lot .. your dad's a grown man he needs to spot red flags not you..
He can go on a few dates if he likes her see where it goes but just keep it light he isnt marrying her tomorrow is he let him find out for himself.

He does - his father is the only parent he has left, but the relationship is obviously far more distant than it was. We never lived physically extremely close by, so it was easier to naturally not see him in person without making a big statement of it. I don't go out of my way to speak to him nor to encourage the children to (two are adults now but they were primary school age when it all kicked off) but am polite on the rare occasions I do see him - and agree to host him at Christmas when he oddly enough develops rapid onset family man syndrom, which disappears for another year by the 26th... for DH 's sake.

He was a fantastic, hands on grandfather and father to his adult children, and a nice, pleasant FIL when MIL was alive. For a year he grieved her intensly and then he met the new woman and changed completely to be utterly focused on his "second great love". Although that all ended years ago he's still a totally different person to when MIL was alive, and much less comfortable to be around.

Jesus Christ! Does your husband still speak to him? That’s awful

Not really for you to worry about - just leave them be. You don’t have to like her.

what a thoughtless and unkind thing to say. I’m sure there are plenty of people on mumsnet who have suffered abuse at the hands of narcissists who don’t need to read your cold and inaccurate comment. Either educate yourself on a subject before replying or just keep quiet.

Yes very bad form to not be going halves on dates or paying your share alternately. Some women are stuck in the 1950s.

That is quite the overshare after one date, generally people are putting their best front forward rather than providing evidence that they have a flag collection.

I wonder what the statistical chance of having not only a relationship with a narcissist but having produced two narcissist children is. Maybe none of them are narcissists but she is in fact the narcissist 🤔

Things sometimes move at lightning speed with older men - my father in law was genuinely really deeply grieving mil and barely functioning, really reliant on his children - then he met a younger woman (20 years younger) and within a few months he sold the house he'd brought his children up in with mil AND asked us to lend him an eye watering amount of money, which he believed we had because of a house purchase we'd been considering and decided against, to "top up" the money from selling his detached house owned outright to buy his new "second great love" the city centre penthouse of her dreams which he admitted would be in her name only, although she owned her own property outside the city - because she needed to leave her house to her children!

FIL is an intelligent man and doesn't have dementia, he just suddenly fell massively hard for a younger woman.

She left him when he couldn't afford the apartment. It took him a year to forgive us (not her) because we ruined his life by not giving him our entire joint savings to give to her.

Is your Dad just having a bit of fun or is he likely to sign his house and life savings over to her? If he's just looking for dinner dates and a holiday companion then does it really matter?

accidentally posted twice

It's the fact she's telling a man she's just met, on a first date, that not only her ex but also two out of her three children "are narcissists" and that she "doesn't speak to them".

Everything in that suggests at absolute best over sharing to a degree that suggests what would be called a histrionic personality disorder under the American system that still diagnoses narcissistic personality disorder, or a personality disorder with disinhibited traits under International classification system...

It's more likely she's fallen out with her children and watched too many "affirming" Instagram/Facebook reels or YouTube videos and diagnosed her family with the same degree of accuracy as people "diagnose" themselves as having OCD if they don't like mess though...

Yes, absolutely. Firstly I think it is a very over-used/not clearly understood phrase. I don't think most people know that many actual narcissists. And potentially people who use the phrase a lot are narcissists themselves.

But all that aside, even if its true in this instance, why the hell is that what she is taking about on a first date?! I would imagine, if your dad were to date her and split at some point, he would end up on her list of narcissists too!

If I were you I'd keep my nose out of it. Your father's an adult and capable of looking after himself. If she's not right for him he'll work it out.

To those saying you can't be a narcissist without being clinically diagnosed, you mean you can't say they have NPD without a diagnosis. Many people are 'narcissists' and have quite obvious narc traits.

I'd advise your Dad to go slow with this woman, it's a potential red flag but we don't know the full story. I wouldn't write her off but he needs to be wary.

suppose her ex was a narc. And even two of her children. She would, in that case, have some form of PTSD. It isn’t just ‘ annoying’ or ‘ inconvenient’ being with a narcissist…it’s destructive and a total head fuck.

The red flag isn’t that her children and ex are or are not narcissists. Nobody here knows, nor does your dad.

the red flag is that they talked about this on their first date.

Yes definitely. It sounds like the 2020s version of "my ex is a psycho" - although that's a very male line, anyone spouting it has essentially revealed themselves as a problematic person.

Her ex may, of course, have a personality disorder, but to be no contact with two out of three of her own children is a playing field size red flag.

I'm laying a bet it was her very own armchair diagnosis she was referring to, not a psychiatric diagnosis of personality disorders with dissocial traits...

Did she say this on the first date?