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Original poster

Family member and drug use

31 replies

Itsgettinghotinere · 02/09/2026 08:09

i know I’ll get responses telling me to mind my own business however, I am hoping for some sensible advice on how to approach a situation with a family member and drug use.

We live hours away from them so it’s difficult to understand what’s going on but it seems they are regularly using cocaine at home. Their health is really suffering now, they sleep in until lunch time so worried about their job. always always broke but earns a very good salary (they depend on parents to pay for lots of things and parents have no idea what is going on), the kids have seen signs of use at home. There is a lot more but I’m being vague.

How should we approach them? What, if anything, can we do to support? I know they need to want to help themselves but there are kids involved here too.

If it’s relevant we are all dealing with the serious illness of a parent so this is utterly awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsgettinghotinere · 02/09/2026 18:17

Ponderingwindow · 02/09/2026 17:47

If you won’t tell the parents the reality of what is going on, then you can’t accomplish anything.

You can and should report to social services. Being a child living with an addict, even a functional addict, is hell.

One parent has months to live. I have said it is not appropriate to tell them in their condition. We will not be telling them while they are still alive.

OP posts:
Aknifewith16blades · 02/09/2026 19:07

OP, check out whatever the drug equivalent of al-anon is. You didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it.

For the children, speak to the NSPCC helpline for advice, if you have concerns Whatever you are seeing, is likely sadly to be the tip of the iceberg.

serene12 · 02/09/2026 19:31

www.famanon.org.uk is a 12 step programme for families or friends when there is a suspected drug problem. They have a helpline, literature & UK wide meetings.
I turned to them, we had drug addiction in our family. I had to learn not to enable, set boundaries, not Accept the Unacceptable etc.
But the priority has to be the children, you can safeguard them by contacting their school, the NSPCC or social services.

Home | Families Anonymous UK

Helpline available daily 1–4pm & 6–9pm — Call 0207 498 4680 to speak with a member before your first meeting Welcome to Families Anonymous Does someone you care about use drugs? When addiction takes hold of someone you love, it can feel as though your...

https://famanon.org.uk/

Puffinsandcoffee · 02/09/2026 19:54

Aknifewith16blades · 02/09/2026 19:07

OP, check out whatever the drug equivalent of al-anon is. You didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it.

For the children, speak to the NSPCC helpline for advice, if you have concerns Whatever you are seeing, is likely sadly to be the tip of the iceberg.

I agree with this @Itsgettinghotinere You can't help the addict. NSPCC might have advice on how to help the kids. And if you live hours away, things are probably very much worse than what you've seen would suggest (though scales doesn't mean dealing, necessarily).

I wouldn't worry too much about the job. And I can understand why you don't want to tell the parents. But I think the kids need to be your focus and I think you might need to risk the parents finding out, if you're going to help the kids.

NolanChanceJustLikeTheWeatherNSoul · 03/09/2026 00:30

Itsgettinghotinere · 02/09/2026 16:32

I can’t imagine they are selling - they are scared of their own shadow. If they are not used to sell, why on earth would someone taking cocaine need scales?

Show quote history

To weigh their bag to check how many G is in the bag..they could be buying eighths or quarter ounce at a time..that's an expensive past time plus it will wreck their mental health.

AlphaApple · 03/09/2026 03:22

Please find a narc anon support group. The key thing you need to know is that addicts will lie and lie and lie and manipulate until you are exhausted and spent. You will never get them to admit or take responsibility until they are ready.

Cutting off parental support will accelerate this.

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