I had an affair and I want my affair partner to be discovered

My attempt at wit, that you would reciprocate and write an essay yourself.

So block him

I think she is on WhatsApp writing a 2,000-word essay

OP where are you ? Any news ? I hope she hasn't given in and went for another physical again ... and it sounded like any old crap from this man would get her back in physical situation....

Children are involved on both sides here. Do not bugger up their lives for this man. Block him immediately and take this matter to the grave. Work on yourself and refocus on what is really at stake here.

I would just stop now if I were you because you are coming across as a really nasty, selfish, stupid and gullible person. Leave that poor woman alone. She's married to an utter cvnt of a man. God only knows how many times he's done this to her. And your poor bloody husband and kids! For his own sake, leave him because you don't deserve him.

This is one of those threads where you really hope it's made up.

You have to ask yourself why you started this affair in the first place. What was wrong with your marriage that you felt you had to go to this man, who already had a wife and kids. Only you can honestly answer this question, then block this man, im surprised you havent already done so, its like you are enjoying his attention, and then work on yourself. Dont tell his wife, you only want his wife to know to punish him. You were quite happy decieving her when the affair was ongoing, but now its over you think she has the right to know, why is this exactly ?, jealously ?. I doubt he loves you, he likes the attention you give him, he is dangling you on a string and you are running to him, he knows you will come running.

Big 👧 pants on and get rid!! This is not good for you or your family

I would also suggest that he is cooling off a bit as he raised a bit of suspicion at home. In a few months he will be back sniffing .

Your recent posts make it sound like first teenage love crush and it’s worthwhile exploring the reasoning behind it.

i suspect it’s not about the person but more that someone is paying you extra attention right at a time when you might have felt yourself ‘missing in action’ within family life.

i had work friend experience it and she left her family to set up with the man who then couldn’t/wouldn’t commit to leaving his wife and family to follow through his word to her.

She was strong enough (and her husband extremely understanding) to tell him the position she found herself in, and moved back home ending the affair. Fast forward a few years and she was at it again with another work colleague although didn’t leave her DH that time. And the first chap (also from work) wanted back in…

I don’t know if she needed extra attention as she was much loved by her DH but I guess she was flattered to have it. When I left my job it had become common knowledge as their vehicles had been spotted parked up in a nearby park to work.

she deeply regretted the first affair though.

have a good think about why this man’s attention is on your priority list. Personally I don’t think you are onto a winning thing and your feelings are manipulating you.

LOL you think they don’t know. I guarantee your husband also knows something is off. Genuinely, why have an affair if you’re not prepared to leave? It’s disgusting the way you’re hurting so many people 🤢

You need to block him now. On everything.

You need to tell your husband everything that has happened. He deserves to know so he can decide what he wants.

You keep out of your APs life and marriage. If your husband decides to tell her then that’s his decision to make. You only want to do it from revenge, not because you feel bad for the wife. Otherwise you would not have had the affair in the first place.

There is a really good podcast called The Affair, with Anna Williamson. It is real people showing their version of there part in an affair. It’s a really good listen and may help you.

If you truly want your marriage to work and you regret the affair...tell your husband. Not sure if u can refrain from saying who...agree counselling. It's the only way not to let it eat you up inside . He may just leave you and he would have every right. If u dont tell him that's your choice and your marriage might survive over time. No one can tell u what's the right thing to do...i have often seen at work that someone tells the other half. They leave them. It comes out to the other party's life partner. They leave them too. The 2 lovers are broken and left alone and end up together in the end, but with a lot of bitterness . They make a quick go of it but it ends badly for both as the bitterness creeps in and eventually it was always more exciting when it was forbidden . 4 adults lives ruined and the kids. No idea what is right for you. Except you have been really silly and selfish cheating in the first place . And whatever happens will haunt u. No coming back from thst I am afraid

You say in another post your mood for the day is set by the tone of his messages and you're on the verge of tears most of the time. Your children will be picking up on your moods and your mood sets the tone of their days. DC are very perceptive.

I get it. You are hurting. Buy dont be a dick. Your marriage is doomed and that is your fault. His marriage might or might not be doomed and that has nothing to do with you. You sound utterly selfish now. You will forever be remembered as the one that broke up a marriage and that will be an awful reputation and ruin you. He won't have that reputation. If it comes out in the wash at some point that's different. Hold your head up high for gods sake and pull yourself together. Take accountability for your own selfish actions and leave them alone. Their actions will have their own consequences

Why, because it is stroking your ego and your need to be a victim, as if it makes your willing part in the sordid affair seem somehow 'lesser'? I will keep my sympathy for the cuckolds and children in this story.

Just stop!

Shame you can't feel as 'addicted to' your husband and children. It continues to be your choice to keep contact with the other adulterer. It is flattering to think he still desires you roll eyes. Clearly you do not want to cut off contact or you would have by now. Loving the drama too?

This is good advice.

"Revenge that he doesn’t seem to have the same guilt that I do - that he can just go back to his wife and kids and live a happy life - while I can’t look mine in the eyes"
You seem to be contradicting yourself here.

How would your husband feel hearing about this? It's pathetic isn't it? I imagine you'll live to deeply regret this. (There's an article in the Telegraph on this (terribly politically biased BTW) but it's behind a paywall by Alex Croxford - www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/wellbeing/sex/this-is-why-women-cheat/)

Can you imagine how destroyed your husband will be if, as and when he finds out that another guy has you on the end of a piece of string, any time he feels like it and how he's used you in every sense and you've loved ever minute of it, hung on ever word - what a massive boost to the AP's ego you must be - you can never undo that in your husband's mind and one way or another - he will go through that. I don't see any exit to this that not very painful for you and many other people as you're unable to control your emotions, thoughts or actions - so you won't be able to keep this under wraps - you have to tell you husband - I think this is the least worst route forward. What's done is done, no use over thinking it - best to get it over with ASAP and not prolong this agony as you have a lot of rebuilding to do in your life... as does your husband.

I think having you at his beck and call makes him feel good, and he probably quite likes the thrill of the push and pull of it. He may even feel a bit addicted to that. You both need to go cold turkey.

I’m sure he enjoys your company, but please try and see that his behaviour is contemptible. He’s hurting you. If he really cared about you he would stop (or leave his wife).

He is treating you both terribly. You really do have to cut him off. It will be difficult but you can do it.

You are going to need to be really strong. It sounds addictive and toxic. He knows he has you where he wants you. Probably hoping he will run back. Op it sounds like he plays this game regularly and you are letting him. Pay for therapy and stop letting this man treat you like a doormat. Blocking him is the first step, on everything.

you need to block him go no contact and ride the emotions out as they come but ofcourse 100 people on here could tell you this and you won’t do so so we wre wasting our breathe. Good luck with it

But their partner needs and deserves to know. It's cowardly to not tell them. And it puts them unwittingly at risk of STDs