Where do I start when everything in life needs changing?

Give yourself a hug and say you are the nicest person you know. This is very true because you are. That is your beginning and you can go on from there.

No more negatives.

You want something to eat? Lay the table a beautifully as you can. Use your favourite glass with water in. Make it really nice and special within your budget and sit down to eat. Savour every mouthful slowly (do not make a big plateful, use a slightly smaller plate and leave gaps). Stop when you feel a very little bit satisfied. From now on only eat if you are really hungry and use the same method.

Stand up and do a little dance/wobble to a song you like or put some music on.

Enjoy what you can and your life will improve.

Sorry I missed that you do a lot of walking. That's great. Might you enjoy a restorative yoga class? Could help with mindset/peace of mind/headspace.

There is some gentle free yoga online. I'd recommend Adrienne.

Start with yourself, being gentle, one small and sustainable step at a time. Perhaps one change a month?

Ten minute walk a day - could you manage that with joint pain? Fresh air/sunshine would be good but not everywhere has somewhere nice to walk. How about a walking mill while you watch your favourite TV. Or listen to an audiobook or music. Then build up gradually to half an hour, an hour if you can.

Food - whatever you eat now, add some easy veg to it. Celery sticks, cucumber sticks, carrots, cherry tomatoes, cauli & broccoli florets in a bag, steamed in a microwave. A piece of fruit or heated up frozen berries with breakfast.

Sleep - consistent getting up and bedtimes. Make a nice routine before bed - I sit on the bed and massage my feet with foot creme with a bit of essential oil in while listening to an audiobook. Even if you don't sleep well tell yourself this is your time just for you until morning and you don't have to think about or worry about anything or anyone else. If thoughts or worries arise, make a note and say you'll think about that the next day.

^ This is a great post; sensible and do-able!

Op I I know that jobs aren’t easy to come by in rural areas but if you could get a very pt role in a village shop, farm shop, a garden centre or plant nursery, animal shelter, kennels, tourist centre, you could make some extra money, get to know more locals, move more, and you are away from the fridge and food temptations, even if it’s just a couple of hours a week, or even volunteering.

Although it would be hard and sounds counter-intuitive when you are already overwhelmed, it could give you more structure and solve quite a few things at once.

If that sounds physically a bit too much atm then I would start at the gps and focus on one or two things; health, weight loss, mindset. Very gradually and slowly and build up with a bit of exercise. A lot of surgeries have programmes you can join now. And some support therapy generally for ND struggles might help?

In terms of loneliness, is there a local choir near you?

Or could you acquire an animal if you like them? Animals tend to bring good people in to your life.

Leslie Sansome on YT is good for upping your steps.

And there are lots of trainers on YT who specialise in people who haven’t exercised in a while and build up slowly.

I think many more women than admit to it, feel how you do post-meno, especially when responsible for elderly parents. They just aren’t as honest as you. And btw meno can make ND traits more pronounced so please don’t blame yourself. You are wired differently that’s all. I don’t have any medical qualifications at all but I have a dd with asd and the contradictions you describe could fit au-adhd so it might not be a waste of time putting yourself down for an assessment?

As for procrastination, time-blocking and advance planning help my ND daughter. Get yourself a daily planner with times on it, and on a Sunday, mark out your priorities for the week ahead. Every day block out two hours for your priority that day and stick to it. Build in exercise and meal prep. Things don’t drag on and become boring if you encase them in a block of time, in fact you get them done quicker bc you have to stop on time too.

Remember to block in time for leisure and fun too. Just a suggestion but maybe you could give yourself one or two half days which you keep for yourself; say a Tuesday and Sunday afternoon when you can give yourself permission to isolate, bed rot, do something fun or creative, read and watch tv, and those protected periods of down time, might give you more strength for the rest of the week? It would be something to look forward to as well.

HTH, you sound like a really good person to me, very honest, with good insight in to what needs to be done but you perhaps need support with the executive functioning side of it. With that I think it helps to know that any small step forward however tiny is better than nothing and motivation comes from tiny steps. Also that you deserve a nicer life with less struggle.

GL 💐💐💐

I agree with PP. Start with small steps. Focusing on your diet and exercise will massively improve your mental wellbeing. You have to be strict with yourself and think of why you're doing it. Once you're in a routine with that, you'll be in a better headspace to tackle the next thing.

Exercise you can build up slowly. Go out for short walks every day. Even better, go before work as soon as you wake up. You won't have time to talk yourself out of it and you'll have achieved something before most people have got out of bed. If it's achievable at first (e.g. a five minute walk round the block) you're more likely to do it. You may even feel like walking for longer.

I feel for you. This was me post-menopausal. Whilst I’ve still not solved the weight issue I have turned most everything else around and am much more content.
That said, I am retired but do volunteer in three different roles (four sometimes) which keep me engaged with others. That’s important, acquaintances mean a lot, as it can get a bit intense trying to befriend people straight off. Is there anywhere you could give a couple of hours too on a non- work day?
I would try and eat well. Online shopping is good as you can double check what’s in your basket and chuck out the less desirable. But do have something occasionally, we need the reward!
Look to buy something as often as you can afford it. A dress or something from Vinted for a fiver can give you a boost. A new shampoo. Whatever.
Some of the above posts offer advice - perfectly good advice - as almost a tick list for improvement. Don’t do too much at once, you can only change as you’re ready to change.
Take care.

Did you get to the higher amount so 12 mg / 15 mg
It only properly started working for me then
I also calorie count using NHS weight loss app

Water, walk and lipstick. 3 wins! Well done

How about joining a slimming club, that would help with weight and they are quite sociable if u want some interaction- nothing too serious. In fact, i met one of my best mates at Weight Watchers. We have known each other years. We go on holiday together. I didn't have a relationship till I was 45. I've had 2 so far. Am currently single.

OP I’m so sorry everything feels so insurmountable. I think the fact that you are confronting it is amazing! A lot of people feel like this and it feels too much to tackle it so the fact that you are willing to is a great start.
could you do any volunteering either locally or even telephone befriending from your own home. One thing that has massively helped me over the years is doing the 3 good things about me today and 3 things I’m grateful for. I do it in my head before i go to bed, I used to find it really difficult when I started and had to think of things like I brushed my teeth, I didn’t commit arson but I think by doing it over the years it’s helped turn my mindset around.

My first thing would find some way to interact with others

I was wondering when you last visited a GP, because you may moving towards the risk of Type 2 diabetes. Perhaps it might be worth asking if they can do a blood test to find out, and they can check your cholesterol levels as well. They may also give you information about eating habits and lifestyle changes. It's not like a 'normal' calorie-controlled diet / exercise regime. Our GP surgery runs something called a diabetes prevention programme which I went on, and it was great.

havent read through all the comments, but for what it’s worth I’d start with the job.

Working remotely works for some people but can be awful for most people’s mental health and well being.

id try and find work that sociable and also involves physical movement as opposed to sitting at a desk. Supermarket work, bar / restaurant/ cafe work etc.

You’d exercise your body and meet new people, have options for a social life.

Good luck

Do you like yourself?

Id start there and start small.
Little things to show that you care about yourself. Little rituals and routines. It's hard ti jump into big changes, so change something Little and go from there.

But it's a start! If a single day was enough to transform a life, we'd all be instantly happy.

This week water and lipstick. Next week another small change.

This thread has started well - very positive with sensible suggestions - hope it helps OP

Make a plan
See a counsellor who understands neurodiversity
Eat better, cook at home, reduce UPF
Pick up a hobby, join the wi, go to church, volunteer at a food bank, etc. Find purpose and community.
Move - yoga, walking, weight lifting
See your acquaintances more
Assertive boundaries at work- no you won't be available out of hours. If they are unreasonable, start looking for a new job
Make changes slowly so they stick
And most importantly DO NOT be too hard on yourself! You are valuable as you are.

Start with this:

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

I don’t usually recommend self-help books but this one is something else altogether. And don’t be fooled by the title either - it’s not just for artists.

What gets you down the most?

It does feel rather like a doom spiral, everything's against you and it's hard to change.

Could you get therapy? I'm not much of a fan but I think understanding why you do things is useful eg why are you caring for your parents when it is so detrimental to your life?

Losing weight is mainly about how much and what you eat, plus health conditions, plus a bit about exercise. I'm not saying that's easy to address but you seem to focus on exercise rather than food.

I hope you can make a change. Picking one thing and concentrating on that for a while will be easier than trying to do it all.

Wishing you well - it’s hard but you can do it - I think the bedrock is feeling a bit better in yourself - get your best clothes on , maybe try a bit of make up or a new way of doing your hair -bang some perfume on - get that plate of handy to grab healthy snacks in fridge, start a good engrossing book , start the 15 minutes stretching or dancing!! You can do it

Have you been to the doctors? You may qualify for the jabs.

Start with one small habit change. Even if that is a week of drinking a pint of water when you wake up. When you are totally overhwelmed with worries and mental or physical weights weighing you down, there is no point trying to be perfect at everything.

Pick something you think you can commit to and do it and write it down each day. That small act of success will help you pick another small positive habbit to pick up that you can stick to.

In general it is easier to take something up than give up a bad habbit so start with a positive.

When it comes to food, the same applies. Giving up calorie dense food is hard. Setting yourself a goal of increasing your protein intake is easier - and the by product is that you will feel more satiated and will therefore find it easier to reach for the biscuits less often.

Your phone will likely have an inbuilt steps tracker. Switch it on and forger about it for a couple of weeks whilst you pick up whichever small positive thing you decide on. After a couple of weeks, look ar tour weekly average and set yourself a goal of increasing it by 10%.

Eating well, moving enough and sleeping enough are the bedrocks to feeling good. All 4 are interlinked: if you eat well, you have energy so you exercise, and so you sleep well so you feel well and happy and pick good food and the cycle continues. I know how umbelievably difficult it is when you dont sleep so you are knackered and dont exercise so feel crap so eat crap and the cycle goes on. The good news is that you can break that cycle on any of the chains so pick the bit that feels easiest. Move more, go to bed earlier or increase your protein and fruit and veg. Dont try and do it all all at once but pick a bit you know you can do and trust that you can snowball the habbits from there.