Where do I start when everything in life needs changing?

How come you work remotely?

Remote working destroys my MH and makes me put on weight.

I think you’re in a vicious cycle as you’re probably a bit depressed and that makes you gain weight/struggle to lose it.

I have a very busy in person job, I am surrounded by people and I love it. Then I come home to my little quiet safe space and it’s the perfect blend.
Most of the good friends I’ve made as an adult have been through work too.

I assume you drive - if so I’d focus purely on getting a new job (hybrid or fully in person) and weight loss.

Exercise for your MH but not to lose weight.

I lost weight by:
*Going to bed as early as possible and reading - if you’re in bed or asleep you’re not snacking.
*Going for walks for your MH - if you’re walking you’re not eating and the fresh air and getting out of the house helped with my MH.
*Reducing carbs, upping protein and having similar meals every day - I’d typically eat scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast and then lunch dinner were protein and veg/salad
*Track what you’re eating especially snacks - my snacks were things like sugar free jelly, ice poles etc (I have a sweet tooth) all things that took a while to eat but were low calorie.

I would try really hard over the next 2 months to lose a stone - that’s 6lbs a month, less than 2lbs a week.

You say you’re 6 stone overweight but most people look better a stone or 2 overweight and so you’ll probably find that you only need to lose 4stone to feel much happier.

Losing weight alongside applying for other jobs will give you so much more confidence.
And the rest of the weight loss will become a lot easier once you’re working in person.

Is there a Slimming World group near you?
All ways of losing weight get bad press but I’m thinking you need to meet people, get out of the house and start feeling more positive.
I did SW for 18 months, lost 4 stone, and another valuable thing it gave me was insight into others who have worse problems than me. It felt so good to share with others who have the same struggle with weight.
I also work remotely and it can be very lonely and depressing, even when the work itself is generally fun and interesting.
I agree with looking on YouTube for some dance or exercise videos you can do. Focus on finding something you enjoy, quiet that voice in your head that’s putting you down. But also try and address your isolation.
You are a good and decent person. You deserve to be happy and to feel good in your body. Treat yourself well because you deserve it.

I read something online yesterday about how to improve your life in the last four months of 2026.

Pick a number 1-10 for these aspects of your life - health, relationships, career, finances, confidence, personal growth, fun. Pick the two lowest areas and set one goal for each that is measurable. Turn each goal into a weekly action and choose three things to do daily to reach your goal. Track what you do and on a Sunday review your week. It might suit you to just focus on a couple of things.

I did it quickly myself. Health and fun were my lowest numbers. It prompted me to go to an exercise class yesterday as I was complaining it was too hot to go but I did it and felt pleased with myself. I am going to try to go every week now. Just a small move in the right direction.

Is there a parkrun near you? They are always looking for volunteers to marshal it’s no commitment accept a few days before hand saying your available and you can be free from 8.30-10am ish on a Sat morning. Often a lovely community vibe & coffee after. You can also walk parkrun you don’t have to run if you wanted to take part it’s all free.

Do you have a garden or access to an allotment? Do you like animals? Growing my own food has changed my eating drastically and having a dog has lifted my spirits and levelled my mood over the last few years. I think what you are putting into your body massively impacts your life as a menopausal and post menopausal woman. And a dog takes you into living and enjoying the moment much more. Being in tune with the seasons and sharing produce helps too.

You sound lovely but you’re blocking something positive and turning away from the change you need and want.

What has really worked for me is discovering Buddhism. I borrowed a book Buddha in Your Mirror, read it out of curiosity, applied a few principles, quickly saw the results and naturally just went from there. The book is available on Amazon with really good reviews

There are surprising numbers of practising Buddhists in the UK. To get in touch with someone locally search SGI-UK website.

All Buddhist meetings and activities organised by SGI-UK are free to guests. You only start contributing once you become a member.

you have a lot on your list, it’s too much to try and sort through all at once. Can you maybe pick 3 out of our your list that you can practical work on over the course of the next 3/4 weeks? With change, it is often the smallest of changes done with consistency that work far better than attempting an overhaul. Some light suggestions to begin with:

a 20 min morning walk, before work or lunch break then again after your evening meal. Eat evening meal before 7pm.

1L water intake during the day (to build up to 2L) you might be surprised as to how much this keeps your appetite at bay. Often hunger is confused with low level thirst and a couple pints of water will fill the void plus protein mix or good snacks for the afternoon.

how is your sleep? If it’s terrible then it makes everything else during the day a lot harder.

I know everyone harps on about consistency but it is so telling. I did sport competitively for ten years, it was drilled into me. Went and did a whole bunch of activities and new hobbies and had fun, some I have kept up, but when I need to shift some weight or just feel better mentally, I always go back to 2/3 times a week doing the exact same routine for 4 weeks and it works.

This was my thought also.

I am highly likely autistic but do not want a diagnosis as I love travel and feel that the world is increasingly against anyone with differences. I doubt it'll be long before places like America don't want neurodiverse people visiting.

If a country discriminates against autistic visitors, do you really want to go there? I wouldn't, for the same reason that I won't go anywhere that discriminates against gays and lesbians or bars women from driving.

Getting diagnosed was life-changing in a good way, if only because it unlocked Access To Work funding for helpful stuff at work.

Weight loss injections. Seriously.

Once your weight is a bit lower, look at Couch To 5k. Keep your stride short and aim for a midsole or toe strike, regardless of what Laura the Couch To 5k podcast coach says. Long strides and heel striking are the quickest route to injuryville, for both knees and achilles tendons.

2 and 8 you can't do much about, so don't start there.

As for 4, does it really matter? You sound very aware so do you need a diagnosis?

Similarly 7 doesn't matter. If that's what you feel like doing, just do it. You can come to this point later if it still bothers you. For now, let yourself off the hook.

The rest you can work on slowly, and that should help with 9 over time, as well as 11, though much of 11 isn't worth stressing over op. Everyone gets wrinkles and if you are not social the clothes really don't matter.

As for the hurting in 11, I think maybe start with 1 and try to kill two birds with one stone - the weight/ fitness and the bodily discomfort.

Next to start on is 5: new job. This may help with 6 as well, as finding the right job may stop you jumping about. Don't worry about changing hobbies.

12 and 3 are more complicated. Come back to them once you have tackled 1 and 5.

Get a diagnosis and apply for PIP. That would give you extra funds.

I think you need to be around people more. You lose yourself without it. Once you are , you'll feel more alive and have the motivation to start tackling the other stuff.

I volunteer at a local cemetery which is welcoming, mostly educated and interesting retirees (I'm not), and everyone just does the jobs that interest them, with or without others, and then comes together for a cup of tea. Something like this, low demand but regular and around others, could be a good start. I also make sure I hang out with school mums at the park a couple of times a week. To say I enjoy it would bd a bit strong but it forces me to be more connected and they are nice people. Can you think of something low demand like that ehere you are together by circumstances more than needing a strong connection?

Could you check in with a parent to 'life coach' you into it? I had an actual life coach who used me to complete her training. She got me partially out of a similar fug by helping motivate me to volunteer and then to start a business. She was so helpful at pushing me and helping me believe in myself a bit more.

1.) read the book intuitive eating. Keep walking. Find a you tube exercise video (weights, dancing, stretching or whatever looks like you wouldn’t mind it) and commit to doing it 3 times a week.

3.) find a group that meets regularly. A book club, a woman’s group etc. Try to reconnect with acquaintances and see if you enjoy their company enough to try to see them more regularly.

4.) write a list of possible pros of exploring this and then reconsider if ruling it out on the basis that something might happen is the right decision for you.

7.) set yourself one daily target a day to give you a sense of achievement. Try a new recipe. Do an exercise video. Read for half an hour etc.

9.) explore if the nhs offer talking therapies (that’s what it’s called so google talking therapies and nhs) in your area.

10.) journal around what’s prompting you to back out of the fun plans you make and make a plan of how to overcome it.

11.) read the book overcoming low self esteem. Set yourself some achievable self care tasks. Small goals to start - using a moisturiser every day, then you can branch out in to bigger challenges, like trying a new style of outfit or booking yourself in for a hair appointment with someone talented.

and finally - don’t try to do everything all at once. Pick one thing to target, perhaps in the area you feel is making you most unhappy, in September and start from there.

Not one single diagnoses I have had has made any difference , apart from to me

Every one of them has explained a bit of why I am how I am and instead of me thinking Im wrong, they are right, I now think Im right as well

I know I dont have to apologise , I know I dont have to keep quiet because I dont see what they see , that I can say my truth so to speak and its ok if my views/ideas dont fit theirs

This was ME to a tee five years ago

You cant outtalk a bad diet - that's where you start - with your diet.

I knew I couldn't do it myself, I joined SW, been a great support tbh. I too live very rural and having a ' Club" to go to once a week I soon made friends, some causal , some I go for a coffee with, others nights out . But I also lost weight and have kept it off

Like yourself Im ND and until March I was carer to my parents the past 20 years. A lot of those 20 years I was low level depressed , due to circumstances I had no control over - where I lived/ caring duties. Gaining control over my weight started the mood lift, and that increased the energy

As I got fitter I upped the walking and started doing local charity walks , just the wee local ones where it was just an entry fee, then I did a McMillan half marathon, climbed a mountain for a programme that was on the BBC, and then did a full marathon ( hike ) and started park run - I walk - loads of walkers at Park run and you will never ever be last

All these events, you get talking to people - everyone is there for the same reason and more then likely have a lot in common with everyone else , and the more you do, the more you meet the same people and coffees are had and future adventures are had - with like minded people who become friends

The jumping from hobby to hobby is such a ND trait - I have thousands of pounds spent over the years on crafts - all sat here boxed, waiting for me to get it together enough to say goodbye and sell it on to someone who will use it.

I can and often do lose a day in front of a box set so I now set timers . My day for example is away for work at 5;30am, home at 10am, toilet and change of clothes - dog walked - home for 11;30 and a cup of coffee. This is when it gets naughty. I have to set a 30 min timer then, else that's it, next thing I know it's 3pm and the dog wants out again. So I set the timer, then go do the chores - 30 mins when keeping on top of things, quick shower and away to the town if need be or get some batch cooking done or sorting a drawer or cupboard or just going out on my bike or for a drive or walk

My life is no way perfect at the moment, but its manageable and whilst its manageable Im not exhausted and because Im not exhausted I find I do want to accept invites - and I accept anything

Ive just now started a gym ( Im 62 and been putting it off for years ) A private gym, women only , run by women, small classes with a full on 60 min programme - and Im loving it. Not stood there looking on and wondering where to start/what to do, there is an instructor and she's there checking you are working correctly and working in groups of 3 or 4 - you have women to talk to, to encourage you - and you them - and before you know it - another circle of friends

I have found that as Ive gotten older, I no longer mask so much. I have a handful of good friends who know Im ND and accept me as I am . and one or 3 of them are on the spectrum themselves

You are probably reaching some of the best years of your life believe it or not , as long as you start putting yourself in the picture . Dont give up on yourself

But some people’s lives are changed by meds.
If you don’t choose to be medicated , a diagnosis explains a lot about you.

I’m not sure how rural you are, but are there any of the following local to you?

Book clubs
Tennis/badminton clubs
A local college? Mine does free adult evening classes, maybe something like cooking?

Please still do those things you enjoy alone where possible, such as going to the cinema. Working from home is lonely in itself, getting out of the house and doing something you enjoy can really help.

Maybe join classes at a gym, that's a safe way to get fit and make friends if you want. As for a relationship, there's no reason you can't meet someone. Try some different hobbies you'd not usually do. There are free courses with our council about healthy lifestyles, maybe see what is avialable around you. If you want a child, you could maybe look into adoption-I'm not sure about any age rules.

Really affordable things you can try
for inflammation

• nettle or mint tea, ginger or turmeric capsules
• appetite and digestion - psylium husk or soaked chia or ground flax
• for both, Dr. Brooke Goldner has a hyper nourishing protocol that can help with pain and energy
• B, C and D vitamins