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Original poster

My partner misses the odd teeth clean. I find this gross. Aibu?

31 replies

Isthisgross · 16/08/2026 19:17

My husband will “forget” to clean his teeth every now and again. He didn’t this morning, he sometimes won’t at night. Maybe once a month I notice? If I bring it up, we fight.

But I think it’s disgusting. He’s in his 50s. He is one of those people who thinks he’s immune to any kind of illness or bad thing to happen. I think he needs to go and get a hygiene clean from the dentist (in the 20 years we’ve been together, he’s never done this). His gums occasionally bleed, but I don’t watch him clean his teeth often!! Because I don’t want to! So don’t know how often they bleed.

Anyway. Aibu to find this gross?

OP posts:
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Chockachip · 05/09/2026 15:13

My ex used to only brush his teeth in the morning. Once a day. They were yellow.

Badbadbunny · 05/09/2026 15:12

Back in the day, I gave an ultimatum to one of my first boyfriends that if he didn't brush his teeth regularly, he'd not be getting kissed at all, and if it continued, he'd be an ex-boyfriend pretty sharpish. It cured him!! Now been together 39 years and he's got excellent oral hygiene and very few fillings!

DraigCymraeg · 05/09/2026 14:48

SilverPink · 17/08/2026 09:24

I’d be more grossed out by someone not showering every day than forgetting to clean their teeth once in a while

His breath smells!
Hell it matters.

Steeleydan · 19/08/2026 15:08

Isthisgross · 16/08/2026 21:58

In general he also doesn’t have great hygiene. Doesn’t shower daily, spends all his time on his phone and not exercising. He’s naturally slim and naturally good at athletics so he “gets away with it” and is from quite a posh family so he doesn’t look terrible although his own mother often calls him “scruffy”. He also doesn’t care about dirt and mess.

But I am from a very neat freak family, have a too-good sense of smell, and I hate it. I also hate that I am the one cleaning all the time!

I don’t know what to do about it because he resents me and we fight if I mention anything!

You need to suggest he visits the dental hygienest for root plaining, it's basically a very very thorough clean down to the roots, tightens up receeding gums,stops bleeding gums bad breath the lot

MissSold · 19/08/2026 05:57

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 16/08/2026 21:18

But how can you kiss him if he hasn't brushed his teeth?

I kiss my husband several times a day time so it would be a deal breaker for me.

Exactly this. My now ex partner would go all day without brushing his teeth 🤢 then had the audacity to complain I didn’t kiss him.

maxslice · 19/08/2026 04:25

My husband neglected his teeth for at least two decades. We have separate health insurance that covers dental checkups and cleanings. He still wouldn’t go. When I finally got him to see the dentist (who volunteers at a meth clinic) said DH’s teeth were the WORST he’d ever seen. They should all be pulled out. Infected teeth and/or gums can create systemic infections or sepsis and affect your heart.

My husband has never been back to see the dentist or have his teeth out. I do NOT kiss him. So, as must be obvious, I also have strong feelings about dental hygiene.

OP, see if you can book dental appointments back to back and go with him. Best of luck to you.

HeartySloth · 18/08/2026 21:50

I'm not going to pretend I don't fall asleep on the sofa every now and then and therefore skip brushing unintentionally. But in the morning? No excuse.

TishHope · 18/08/2026 20:10

He doesn't shower daily, and has trained the OP not to mention his poor hygiene. Remember you don't have to live like this, OP.

Realworld10 · 18/08/2026 20:01

The positive is he has a shower every day and only occasionally doesn't brush his teeth? Basically he's maintaining hygiene (as recommended for skin every other day) and brushes his teeth twice a day normally. He hardly sounds like a dirty slob.

Seriouslynonono · 18/08/2026 18:09

No.

Not remotely ok.

Mouths are rank and must be cleaned scrupulously. I can't kiss someone properly unless they have cleaned, listerined and rinsed and rinsed and rinsed.

dh280125 · 18/08/2026 18:04

Bad hygiene? No kissing, no sex, probably no touching AFAIK. Actually I don't know... Hygiene and time keeping are my big ick factors. I don't think I could bear it.

Badbadbunny · 17/08/2026 10:31

Ezra123 · 16/08/2026 21:08

My husbands a bit like this and I’ve no qualms about saying “you need to clean your teeth”. Even if he does get grumpy, I don’t let that stop me.

Ditto. Did the same with my DH when we first started dating - I made it clear that if he wanted a snog, he had to brush his teeth first and get his teeth sorted at the dentist!! Only needed to say that to him twice, he soon got the message and quickly learned good oral hygiene habits and got his teeth fixed (several fillings and a couple of extractions) - never needed a filling since - nearly 40 years ago!!

If he'd have taken offence, been stroppy or sulky about being "told" by me to do it, I'd have ditched him. Not for bad teeth, but for bad attitude!

Maddy70 · 17/08/2026 10:21

Absolute ick for me

SilverPink · 17/08/2026 09:24

I’d be more grossed out by someone not showering every day than forgetting to clean their teeth once in a while

Original poster
Isthisgross · 17/08/2026 09:01

Cheese55 · 17/08/2026 08:59

He shouldn't talk to the children like that. Looking after your body/teeth is for them take pride in not because of what other people might think!

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Agree. And if I intervene, he says “stop undermining my parenting”. Sigh.

OP posts:
Cheese55 · 17/08/2026 08:59

Isthisgross · 16/08/2026 21:54

I don’t - it’s gross. He then says he’s sad that I don’t like kissing him. But he often has bad breath.

I also couldn’t resist mentioning that he hadn’t cleaned his teeth today and he told me it was a real “mean girl” thing to say (we had watched that film with our children a couple of days ago).

The thing is, if our kids don’t clean their teeth he’s kind of mean about it! Tells them they’ll have smelly breath and their friends will be grossed out. Whereas he’s dismissive and angry if I tell him to clean his teeth because he hasn’t!

Show quote history

He shouldn't talk to the children like that. Looking after your body/teeth is for them take pride in not because of what other people might think!

Original poster
Isthisgross · 17/08/2026 08:54

LittleMissClutter · 16/08/2026 22:05

In general he also doesn’t have great hygiene. Doesn’t shower daily, spends all his time on his phone and not exercising.

This, along with the teeth cleaning and not visiting the dentist is disgusting and disrespectful.

Show quote history

I mean he showers every other day. But I’m glad I’m not alone in thinking this isn’t ok! He makes me feel like I’m being unreasonable if I bring it up!

OP posts:
Original poster
Isthisgross · 17/08/2026 08:53

timtamsarebetterthanpenguins · 16/08/2026 22:02

So why did you marry him and have kids with him?

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He wasn’t like this 20+ years ago!

Sometimes I think he might be depressed. But he would never admit it. He won’t accept anything is wrong with him health-wise or even mental health-wise.

OP posts:
LittleMissClutter · 16/08/2026 22:05

Isthisgross · 16/08/2026 21:58

In general he also doesn’t have great hygiene. Doesn’t shower daily, spends all his time on his phone and not exercising. He’s naturally slim and naturally good at athletics so he “gets away with it” and is from quite a posh family so he doesn’t look terrible although his own mother often calls him “scruffy”. He also doesn’t care about dirt and mess.

But I am from a very neat freak family, have a too-good sense of smell, and I hate it. I also hate that I am the one cleaning all the time!

I don’t know what to do about it because he resents me and we fight if I mention anything!

In general he also doesn’t have great hygiene. Doesn’t shower daily, spends all his time on his phone and not exercising.

This, along with the teeth cleaning and not visiting the dentist is disgusting and disrespectful.

timtamsarebetterthanpenguins · 16/08/2026 22:02

Isthisgross · 16/08/2026 21:58

In general he also doesn’t have great hygiene. Doesn’t shower daily, spends all his time on his phone and not exercising. He’s naturally slim and naturally good at athletics so he “gets away with it” and is from quite a posh family so he doesn’t look terrible although his own mother often calls him “scruffy”. He also doesn’t care about dirt and mess.

But I am from a very neat freak family, have a too-good sense of smell, and I hate it. I also hate that I am the one cleaning all the time!

I don’t know what to do about it because he resents me and we fight if I mention anything!

So why did you marry him and have kids with him?

CarotidFartery · 16/08/2026 22:00

Isthisgross · 16/08/2026 21:58

In general he also doesn’t have great hygiene. Doesn’t shower daily, spends all his time on his phone and not exercising. He’s naturally slim and naturally good at athletics so he “gets away with it” and is from quite a posh family so he doesn’t look terrible although his own mother often calls him “scruffy”. He also doesn’t care about dirt and mess.

But I am from a very neat freak family, have a too-good sense of smell, and I hate it. I also hate that I am the one cleaning all the time!

I don’t know what to do about it because he resents me and we fight if I mention anything!

This is all about much more than teeth brushing.

GreenEyesMillennial · 16/08/2026 21:59

Isthisgross · 16/08/2026 19:17

My husband will “forget” to clean his teeth every now and again. He didn’t this morning, he sometimes won’t at night. Maybe once a month I notice? If I bring it up, we fight.

But I think it’s disgusting. He’s in his 50s. He is one of those people who thinks he’s immune to any kind of illness or bad thing to happen. I think he needs to go and get a hygiene clean from the dentist (in the 20 years we’ve been together, he’s never done this). His gums occasionally bleed, but I don’t watch him clean his teeth often!! Because I don’t want to! So don’t know how often they bleed.

Anyway. Aibu to find this gross?

Yes i would too. Brushing morning and evening i feel it’s mandatory.

Goldengirl123 · 16/08/2026 21:58

YANBU

Original poster
Isthisgross · 16/08/2026 21:58

In general he also doesn’t have great hygiene. Doesn’t shower daily, spends all his time on his phone and not exercising. He’s naturally slim and naturally good at athletics so he “gets away with it” and is from quite a posh family so he doesn’t look terrible although his own mother often calls him “scruffy”. He also doesn’t care about dirt and mess.

But I am from a very neat freak family, have a too-good sense of smell, and I hate it. I also hate that I am the one cleaning all the time!

I don’t know what to do about it because he resents me and we fight if I mention anything!

OP posts:
Original poster
Isthisgross · 16/08/2026 21:54

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 16/08/2026 21:18

But how can you kiss him if he hasn't brushed his teeth?

I kiss my husband several times a day time so it would be a deal breaker for me.

I don’t - it’s gross. He then says he’s sad that I don’t like kissing him. But he often has bad breath.

I also couldn’t resist mentioning that he hadn’t cleaned his teeth today and he told me it was a real “mean girl” thing to say (we had watched that film with our children a couple of days ago).

The thing is, if our kids don’t clean their teeth he’s kind of mean about it! Tells them they’ll have smelly breath and their friends will be grossed out. Whereas he’s dismissive and angry if I tell him to clean his teeth because he hasn’t!

OP posts: