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Original poster

What time would you leave a family BBQ with primary-aged children?

182 replies

Jetsun3456 · 07/08/2026 20:27

You’re invited to a family BBQ on Saturday. You’ve been told to arrive 3-4pm and food is being served at 5pm, around kids’ tea time.

Both you and the host have primary school aged DC.

What time is the latest you leave?

OP posts:
Kingdomofsleep · 07/08/2026 21:20

Oliwiaa · 07/08/2026 21:14

I'm not angry but I do think passive aggressive types are the worst 😂

Show quote history

Genuinely, have you ever been told to leave someone's house, as a guest?

Whereas "feel free to have another drink with dh, I just need to get the kids in the bath" is worse, for you?

I'm not even trying to defend myself here, it's just really interesting how different people are. I'm from abroad originally but my dh and his folks are Yorkshire and they'd also never tell a guest to leave, and they're not passive aggressive either.

Waterbaby41 · 07/08/2026 21:19

Jetsun3456 · 07/08/2026 20:36

What time is it going on til

That’s the whole point - it ends when the guests leave

Interesting everyone has referred to their own journey, what they have on the next day. No one seems to have said “I’d leave by X time to allow the hosts to clear up and get their kids to bed”

Do people just think of themselves and not consider the host?

If the host was that bothered about timing they - you? - should manage expectations in the invite. Stop the passive-agressive nonsense.

YoQuieroVino · 07/08/2026 21:19

Jetsun3456 · 07/08/2026 20:36

What time is it going on til

That’s the whole point - it ends when the guests leave

Interesting everyone has referred to their own journey, what they have on the next day. No one seems to have said “I’d leave by X time to allow the hosts to clear up and get their kids to bed”

Do people just think of themselves and not consider the host?

Why does it end when guests leave? As the host, it’s your responsibility to communicate an end time.

ShetlandishMum · 07/08/2026 21:17

How far from home?
I would plan being home no later than 9pm.

Kingdomofsleep · 07/08/2026 21:16

ViciousCurrentBun · 07/08/2026 21:15

I don’t think I have ever cared what time people leave if it’s on a Friday or Saturday. I would just get the kids to bed if needed and leave them for a bit. I remember my mates reading stories to DS and then us resuming.

Same here! But I've just got told that's PA - it's just normal etiquette around the people I know (both London and Yorkshire so I presumed everywhere)

Growlybear83 · 07/08/2026 21:16

I don’t understand why people get so anxious and rigid about bedtimes for children, particularly at weekends and in the holidays. It won’t hurt children to stay up much later than their bedtime occasionally.

Kingdomofsleep · 07/08/2026 21:15

DaysIllRememberAllMyLife · 07/08/2026 21:09

It does seem passive aggressive.

I'd go when the kids were getting tired/obnoxious.

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Well I guess my friends know me, and know that I'm not being any kind of aggressive. If I told people they had to leave, though, they'd be shocked.

The more I think of it, absolutely no one in my circle ever tells any guests to leave. I think it's a mumsnet head tilt thing that just doesn't happen in real life, or at least not among my friends and extended family.

People start loading the dishwasher etc rather than telling you to leave, in my world.

ViciousCurrentBun · 07/08/2026 21:15

I don’t think I have ever cared what time people leave if it’s on a Friday or Saturday. I would just get the kids to bed if needed and leave them for a bit. I remember my mates reading stories to DS and then us resuming.

CeciliaMars · 07/08/2026 21:15

Normally 8, 9pm if we were all having a fab time and it was the summer hols!

Blueseudeshoes · 07/08/2026 21:14

until the kids were grumpy and tired really which would be 7/8pm

Oliwiaa · 07/08/2026 21:14

Kingdomofsleep · 07/08/2026 21:06

Wow why are you so enraged? Of course I wouldn't do it wordlessly, I'd just say you guys feel free to have another drink while I get the kids in the bath. That's less rude than telling guests to leave, which where I'm from is practically breaking the law.

But each to their own, I have no idea why my way makes you angry...!

Show quote history

I'm not angry but I do think passive aggressive types are the worst 😂

YoQuieroVino · 07/08/2026 21:13

Depends how much fun we’re all having. You can usually tell when the night is ending.
If you’re the host and want people to leave, it’s your responsibility to communicate that.

HopAroundLikeKangaroos · 07/08/2026 21:12

We’ve stayed at friends houses with primary school aged kids until 11pm during the summer holidays.

But equally if the host said needs to be done by 8pm that would be cool too.

Are you hosting @Jetsun3456 ?

woof1 · 07/08/2026 21:12

I think you’re the host and wanted people to bugger off early? If I was a guest it would depend on the age of my kids. Primary age could be 4 or 11! If they were 11 years old I might stay till 11pm or midnight

DaysIllRememberAllMyLife · 07/08/2026 21:09

Kingdomofsleep · 07/08/2026 21:06

Wow why are you so enraged? Of course I wouldn't do it wordlessly, I'd just say you guys feel free to have another drink while I get the kids in the bath. That's less rude than telling guests to leave, which where I'm from is practically breaking the law.

But each to their own, I have no idea why my way makes you angry...!

Show quote history

It does seem passive aggressive.

I'd go when the kids were getting tired/obnoxious.

tomatoplants · 07/08/2026 21:07

If you want them out by a certain time then tell them that beforehand.

everyone is different so you can never assume anything

Kingdomofsleep · 07/08/2026 21:06

Oliwiaa · 07/08/2026 20:57

Incredibly passive aggressive and rude, do you really treat your own friends like that?

Why not just say, hey Lisa, I want to get the kids in bed by 9 so we'll have to call it a night soon.
Rather than taking the kids off to the bath in the hope you supposed friends will feel uncomfortable and leave!

Show quote history

Wow why are you so enraged? Of course I wouldn't do it wordlessly, I'd just say you guys feel free to have another drink while I get the kids in the bath. That's less rude than telling guests to leave, which where I'm from is practically breaking the law.

But each to their own, I have no idea why my way makes you angry...!

Oliwiaa · 07/08/2026 20:57

Kingdomofsleep · 07/08/2026 20:55

It's not rude at all. The other parent can keep chit chatting as they finish their beers or whatever. It makes for a soft deadline rather than a forced one.

Show quote history

Incredibly passive aggressive and rude, do you really treat your own friends like that?

Why not just say, hey Lisa, I want to get the kids in bed by 9 so we'll have to call it a night soon.
Rather than taking the kids off to the bath in the hope you supposed friends will feel uncomfortable and leave!

Kingdomofsleep · 07/08/2026 20:55

Oliwiaa · 07/08/2026 20:53

How rude to start putting your own kids in the bath 😂What's wrong with people???

You're a grown up, you can literally just talk to your friends.

Show quote history

It's not rude at all. The other parent can keep chit chatting as they finish their beers or whatever. It makes for a soft deadline rather than a forced one.

user293948849167 · 07/08/2026 20:55

Jetsun3456 · 07/08/2026 20:36

What time is it going on til

That’s the whole point - it ends when the guests leave

Interesting everyone has referred to their own journey, what they have on the next day. No one seems to have said “I’d leave by X time to allow the hosts to clear up and get their kids to bed”

Do people just think of themselves and not consider the host?

You need to specify an end time if you’re that bothered

user293948849167 · 07/08/2026 20:54

8ish? Later if all going ok and kids happy. We used to change ours into PJs before the car ride home when they were that age

hahabahbag · 07/08/2026 20:54

Generally you get a feel for these things, if all the kids are happy and the adults are enjoying themselves there isn’t a set time, if the host couple start clearing up that’s your cue to offer to help clear up and when they most likely say no you make your exit

Oliwiaa · 07/08/2026 20:53

Kingdomofsleep · 07/08/2026 20:51

If your guests still there, you start putting your own kids in the bath and getting them ready for bed. The guests will take the hint.

How rude to start putting your own kids in the bath 😂What's wrong with people???

You're a grown up, you can literally just talk to your friends.

Kingdomofsleep · 07/08/2026 20:51

If your guests still there, you start putting your own kids in the bath and getting them ready for bed. The guests will take the hint.

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