Rubbish holiday guest

Terrible parenting, but why did you let it happen?! Were you trying to teach your children that they should allow bullies to treat them however they like and their only option is to take themselves away from the fun or try ineffective kind words?

He’s 4 and it took you until day 3 to separate them at meal times - you tell him no, you move him and his chair. He’s licking your child’s toy, you forcibly take it from him and say that it’s not his and that it’s not nice or allowed to do that to other people’s things. You tell him off firmly for hurting your child (not “use kind hands” - take him away and sternly tell him that it is not nice and you will not allow him to hurt your child).

If his parents have an issue with it, explain you will not allow anyone else to upset your child even if it is just “typical boys being a lot” and you want your daughter to learn she doesn’t have to put up with boys behaviour if it upsets her and that that’s an important life lesson to you. If they don’t like it, you’re not the unreasonable one.

Of course you know it isn't normal. You have two children yourself.

I have 2 boys, one of whom is neurodivergent and they would NEVER behave this way. It would not be tolerated by any of us.
I would be so upset if this happened OP. What a shit holiday for you all! Meanwhile your lazy brother and his wife get to sit there and do zero parenting.
I realise it’s hard to do but we would have left and told everyone why after being ignored the first few times. I’d let your parents know how upset you are and that you won’t be able to attend events if your nephew isn’t made to act better.
There is zero excuse for a 4yr old behaving that was and it’s really worrying. Not from a ND perspective because I do not know any children with special needs that behave that abhorrent, but from a neglect/abuse standpoint. My kids wouldn’t even consider spitting in someone’s food, licking their stuff or tormenting a very young child!

What an awful holiday! You poor things.

i think we all agree this is not normal, but it’s hard to know if it’s “not normal” as in your nephew has some extra behaviour stuff going on, or if is a culmination of your nephew being a kid who needs more attention and really firm boundaries & his parents seem to be providing neither. I’m also not sure what else you can do since your brother seems unwilling to parent his kid. Sad situation all round

If the parents wouldn’t do anything I would have. I’d have told the kid and them that if they didn’t control their son then I would have told do it further them. Disgusting behaviour and they are raising an obnoxious child - once he starts school there will be trouble. Even little kids hate a trouble maker.

Your brother and his wife are seriously lacking. Big time.

24 hours of that and my nephew would have had a massive telling off from me, what a little git. His parents though, they're to blame. Vile, pathetic and damn lazy.

Wtf? How did you get that from what the op said??

That child needs an absolute bollocking and I don’t apologise for sounding like a parent from 1954.

No, it's not normal. Has he behaved like this towards her before?

We already know you just said “that’s not kind” and didn’t protect your daughter in any way shape or form.

Your poor daughter. You didn’t do anything enough to protect her.

Ghastly behaviour. They will have big problems.

It's not normal he was targeting her because she was smaller and more vulnerable. He's a bully and his mum and dad should have been ashamed of him. I would tell your brother the truth, that you are upset about what happened on holiday. He may well say oh he didn't mean it, or some other nonsense. Then you just say that's not what happened. You are quite right not to go to their house or on trips etc with them. He's a child and they need to take responsibility for and deal with his behaviour.

I would cool the relationship. He's only going to become worse and they arnt going to do anything about it. I have the same age gap and sex - honestly he is alot more of a handful in a different way. Mostly my youngest is an obnoxious twat and that's taking into account ND. Especially to his sister. But he has been parented strongly and he's coming through it. With kids like this - parent them how you would your own child and if your brother objects you just say ' if he behaves like that as he gets older no one will want to be his friend. '
I feel for you. It sounds hard but children who are twats grow up to be twats and no one likes them. It's not 'being harsh' it's true.

Absolutely not normal behaviour in any way for a 4yo. Even if he was just at the very extreme end, it was on his parents to basically shadow him and manage it not brush it off. Your poor dd. I wouldn’t know how to move forward from this either.

Reading that I'd feel really worried something is happening to that child that he is copying and acting out with your daughter. Very frightening indeed.

You know this isn’t normal behaviour and it’s most likely due to poor parenting

but The question is what do you do now?

have you discussed it with your parents?

Bloody hell I hit you are being unreasonable by mistake scrolling though. You are NOT being unreasonable!

Me too. There’s no way I’d have put up with this behaviour after the first couple of times saying “kind hands”, “don’t snatch” etc. He’d have been moved to the other side if the table if he’d tried to sandwich himself in as well and first words would have been had with his parents.

If he’d spat in my children’s food if his parents hadn’t removed him I would have, that’s revolting.

Get some self defence classes for your DD then she can give him a good wallop. He will soon stop

No it's not normal behaviour. This is a child that isn't being parented and is a brat. Sorry your dd had to go through this.

I'd go and book another break, you must all be traumatised. Not normal AT ALL. Horrible behaviour from him and his parents. I'd struggle to be nice to them aswell. Avoid kid meet ups if you can for a while.

You are right the behaviour isn’t normal. I would avoid as you are doing and be open and honest about the reasons why. Unfortunately these types of parents then moan about how their child gets left out of things because they haven’t parented properly.

So you needed to speak to your brother. Clearly he is not used to being told off or sharing space.