Rubbish holiday guest

Those of you who are advocating a bollocking etc may not have been in this type of situation. It can be quite hard to speak up as strongly as you'd like and it can lead to ructions which are particularly tricky if it's actual family members. It does not sound at all like OP did nothing and she clearly did protect her daughter. She's not the problem. She's just trying to understand if her expectations were too high.

Please ignore the idiots, @Purtyburty .

I would have slapped his hands away if they didn't like it tough shit.

A previous posters comment saying to list every single thing the boy did to your child in a group text message, and say this will absolutely not be happening ever again- this was a good idea. All down in black and white.

We're staying in a holiday cottage at the moment with our 5 year old. We were playing in the garden and the kids staying next door (who are terribly behaved and not parented) launched a stick over the wall, followed by an apple - thrown hard, from a height. It would have really hurt anyone it hit, let alone my 5 year old@.

I properly told them off immediately (obviously their parents were nowhere to be seen) and told them in no uncertain terms to stop throwing anything over the wall at us. They stopped straightaway and seemed quite shocked that an adult had told them off.

I'm not blaming you for what sounds like a horrible and stressful holiday but honestly, I wouldn't have let it get past the first hour of this behaviour before firmly stepping in, setting a strong boundary and sticking to it.

I would have stopped all interaction with the other family if need be, sibling or not. Not a chance I'd let my child be treated in that way.

Honestly - I hate that a few mealy mouthed posters are telling you that you didn’t do enough. Horrible, unsupportive responses. Twas ever thus on mumsnet sadly.

it sounds like you kept her as safe as possible without creating a world war on the holiday. It also sounds like others in the group realise that your brother and his wife are very extremely lazy with their hands off parenting.

Hopefully the dynamic will change in a few years with the children but I’d avoid family holidays which include this child for the foreseeable. And I’d also make it clear to my brother why I was doing so.

Of course he didn't listen to you + your words were ineffective, because this isn't how you respond to someone who's harrassing your child! You don't ASK them "if" they can do something, and say please to them. You TELL them with authority that they HAVE to stop!

As for you...with respect, do one.

Always someone to offer an unnecessary kicking on here eh?

OP didn’t let it just happen!

His parents were pretty miffed about that as though we didn’t want home to be friends with our children

So? This was the point you should have intervened and said your DD was getting bullied and hurt, it was your job to protect her Who cares how "miffed" his parents were.

@Purtyburty I completely understand what this is like. We used to have occasional use of a big house in France and would invite different families to come along with us mainly so that DD who is an only child would have other kids to hang out with. The range of parenting approaches was, um, extremely wide.

There was one kid one year of a similar age to your problem boy who kept doing something likely to damage some of the equipment at the property and his parents just did nothing. I spoke to them and asked them to stop him from doing this but they were just like 'oh, what can I do?'. It wasn't even my stuff so I was really concerned about him continuing to damage it. The next time he did it, I physically lifted him away from the thing he was trying to damage. He started to go back to it and I said very calmly but firmly 'you can try, but I am here all day and you are not allowed to do that. I will just keep removing you'. He stopped after that. I didn't even have to shout at him. I don't understand why some parents turn a blind eye to behaviour like that and don't at least try to stop it.

We just didn't invite that family again. There were several other families over the years whose parenting approach just didn't fit with ours and we did not invite them a second time.

None of the badly behaved kids who we didn't invite again had behaviour even approaching what you have described. I would give holidays with your brother and family a very wide berth for a few years and reassess when their children have been at school for a bit and hopefully learnt some boundaries. It must have been very upsetting for you and for your daughter.

I think you and your husband both sucked as your daughter's parents. You didn't have her back. Why on Earth did you not move to a hotel or go home when it was clear that the boy's behaviour wasn't going to be corrected by his parents? No way I'd put up with my child being abused and harrassed like this. It was your responsibility to solve this with your brother, but both you and your husband sound like the wettest, most passive blankets. When your brother laughed, that was ANOTHER cue to move to a hotel or go home.

Sad thing is, your brother is somewhere telling someone about the awful holiday he's just had because his sister doesn't like his son.
I'm not siding with him at all, I'm with you...but this situation is open to interpretation because of the opposing perspectives.

Fwiw, your nephew sounds aggravating as hell. It's a shame they allow him to carry on that way with no acknowledgement. It's not doing him any favours.

yes a good kick up the arse

You allowed this to happen continuously. Why didn't you lose your shit? Are you planning on addressing it with them now you're home?

He sounds like a right little shit. Your brother and his wife need to actually parent their child and be less lazy / indulgent / pathetic in their parenting. Their “boys will be boys” comment says it all. I would have a blunt conversation with your brother specifying his sons horrendous behaviour and the lack of parenting. He probably won’t like it but oh well. At least you and your daughter won’t need to see them anymore

Sounds like your reaction was nearly as ineffectual as the parents'. Kind hands my arse.

Id have bollocked the kid then bollocked the parents tbh.Your poor daughter.

My niece is like this. Her parents practice ‘gentle’ parenting. Which works on her gentle sister. But it doesn’t work on her because she is not a gentle child.

She hit, pinches, pulls hair, takes things, snatches, destroys games, breaks things. She’s 5. My kids are 10 and 12 and they hate her. I feel sorry for her siblings who are bullied relentlessly by her.
I’ve told my kids to hit her back but they won’t because they know she’s younger.

Shes enabled by my sister and my mother who turn on anyone who complains about her for ‘telling tales’ or they are told to just ignore her. Like oh you know what she’s like.

We don’t see them often, my kids want to see her siblings but they’d be quite happy to never see her again.
I suspect before long we won’t see them at all anymore

You should have bollocked him and his parents. Your poor daughter with wet lettuce parents that let his happen, repeatedly

I would be falling out with my brother if he had not sorted it out. Well at least they will have the teenager from hell to contend with.

I’m with @SmashThePatriarchy on this.

I just had a similar family holiday. When my brother’s kids played up I disciplined them and vice versa. Why did you not step in and tell the child off? Why did you not give him consequences for his behaviour ‘if you hit Sally again, we will not do X with you later’? IMO it is every adults’ responsibility to teach the children good discipline and if you go on that kind of family holiday absolutely necessary to trust all the adults to be in loco parentis mode.

Stop trying to be controversial. There's one on every thread and it's getting tedious.

My nieces bullied my son. Not even nearly to this extreme. We don't see them anymore.

You need to be better at standing up for your children. I will tell any child off. Idgaf who they belong to, how old they are, if they're even being dicks to me or my child.

And a 4yo doesn't know better? What a load of shit.