Neighbour on night shifts complaining about normal daytime noise during holidays

Get him them? WTF? I'm so sick of people running around after horrible men. No wonder some of them expect women to sort all of their problems in life. Ridiculous.

Speak to the neighbour rather than the lodger. Say mildly that you do appreciate that he works nights, but you (and the rest of the neighbourhood) don't make any more than reasonable daytime noise. Also say mildly that the lodger has in the past been noisy at night and you haven't said anything because in any busy street/area there has to be a certain amount of give and take; but he seems to be expecting silence from you and it's making you feel inhibited about doing ordinary things like hoovering or being in your garden.
Also tell him the lodger is making sarcastic comments to your DP at work, which could be regarded as workplace harassment.

If the neighbour is sensible he'll talk to his lodger in a way that won't escalate it.

Why do you feel you owe this man anything? Why are you not reminding him he kept you up all night and that your noise is within normal daytime hours. The man is an arsehole.

"he’d keep us up all night, he’d be talking, on the phone, bonfires, parties with music and instruments, having loud sex until 4am (when Og neighbour was away)! He’s been in and out the house at all hours and opening and shutting his back door during the night. Not that I have said anything"

I would just carry on in a considerate way (I certainly wouldn't mention to him that I would not be tip toeing around anymore - he can work that out for himself) and say a breezy hi when you see him. If he complains, just say "we do try to keep the noise down but it's difficult with children and household tasks. We do our best but we have to live too" and then move on. Just keep being consistently cheerful whilst going about your business in as considerate way. Maybe if he persists, suggest he tries ear plugs?

I have some sympathy for him as trying to sleep in the daytime when it is so hot must be hard. But there are things he can do, which other night workers do

black out blinds
earplugs
a fan
white noise

You are making reasonable, normal domestic noise OP, wherever he lives he will have the same issues, (and in all likelihood even worse! ) so it really is up to him to find out what works for him.

Both you and your DP need to tell the lodger that the world doesnt revolve around him and that he should find somewhere in the forest to sleep if her cant cope with urban daytime noises.

Or you/your DH could try the direct approach and tell him to eff off and that his daytime sleep issues are not yours.

He needs to get over himself. When you actively choose to work nights, you MUST accept that there is going to be some type of daytime noise and sounds. Lawnmowers going, children playing and maybe yelling a bit, cars and motorbikes, birds tweeting, dogs barking, and if you're in a semi, peoples voices when they're raised, and doors closing/banging if it's windy etc etc.

My DH works nights, 2 weeks out of every 4, and he CHOSE this work pattern, as he prefers nights 'because there's no bosses there...' (About 8 years ago.) He used to moan about noise. Moaning about the kids next door - (just being kids, not being 'naughty') - and lawnmowers going, and house maintenance being done, and people chatting in the garden. I told him that he chose nights, most people don't do nights and are up in the day, and the whole world can't tip-toe around him and his bloody night shift.

After a while he stopped whining, (basically because I told him to STFU LOL) and got a white noise machine. It's an absolute gem. It cuts out about 80% of noise/sounds.) He hasn't whined for about 7 and a half years LOL!

So yeah @User3627282646322244 YANBU at all. Tell him get a job that isn't nights or get a job on the moon if he can't be doing with any sounds at all. Tell him you're not going to stop living because of a precious night shift worker and he needs to get a white noise machine.

The world does not revolve around him.
Carry on as you are.
Its his problem not yours.
He has chosen to live in a busy area and work night shifts. So it's up to him to find a solution.
If he doesn't like it, he needs to move.

He's completely unreasonable. I've worked in environmental health for 10 years dealing with noise, shift workers who complain about household noise during the day get politely told it's not something we investigate as it's not unreasonable. I would tell him to do one!

My husband and I work nights and have done for 20 years with 5 kids……we coped and so will he. Carry on as you are, you are not being unreasonable.

Ignore him

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How does the owner of the house deal with this guy? Surely he won't be able to do anything in his own house without disturbing the lodger?

You've done nothing wrong. The council explicitly states that noise complaints about daily living sounds during the day due to clashes in shift work are not legitimate reasons for complaints.

If the guy doesn't like it surely he's the one who needs to find somewhere else. Or seek daytime employment. Or invest in decent noise cancelling headphones. They really do work. But again it's not down to you to tell him this or appease him.

my dh works mostly night shifts. it's just tough you get earplugs or white noise machines. you can't stop people living their normal lives

Our neighbours complained about our noise, the council set up some noise detecting something and low and behold, there was nothing of actual concern, just normal family sounds and a very ordinary schedule (we don't have parties at home, our telly and radio are only loud enough for the rooms they're in, my teens use headphones for their music and gaming etc). It stressed me right out at the time but in hindsight I'm glad they took it that far as it all just proved they were being ridiculous.

Growing up, my mum did nightshifts as it meant she could sleep while we were in school but they were still able to do school pick up and drop offs. There'd be a sign on the front door asking that people didn't knock on the door as a nightworker was sleeping but she'd not expect neighbours to cease living their normal lives during the day.

"I understand you're struggling to sleep but you have no right to dictate how we live in our own home and garden, especially when we don't make an unreasonable amount of noise. I recommend that you research noise cancelling headphones or those loop things."

Oh it's just great isn't it, when noisy neighbours are the first to complain if you so much as dare to sneeze!

One of my neighbours is incredibly noisy. She doesn't work so is always home. She plays loud music all the time, she's constantly on video calls with friends where they shout and squeal (she's 54) and her car stereo when she goes out and comes home is so loud that people two streets down have asked us if we know who's making that noise.

Yet, one day my partner came home with his car music SLIGHTLY louder than usual. He usually waits til he's left our estate to play music as he's considerate, and turns it off before he pulls in. I was home and I barely heard it - she sticks her head out of the window without seconds, "joking" what noisy neighbours we were! The bare faced cheek! My partner looked up and yelled "you can talk!"

As pps have said, I would carry on as usual. There is literally nothing else you can do. Don't make extra noise to wind him up (not that you seem the type). His life choices aren't your problem.

Ridiculous. I am sympathetic to night shift workers, especially on hot summers day where it must be hard to sleep anyway, x100 with addednoise, but thats really bot your problem. Your do needs to tell him to stop complaining.

Your DP needs to be more assertive in shutting this guy down when he complains at work. I worked night shifts for a number of years so I do have some sympathy, but your neighbour needs to realise that he’s the one out of step with the rest of the world. The everyday goings-on of the neighbourhood can’t revolve around him, he needs to make his own adjustments.

I have had a similar situation it’s ok for them to make a noise but I didn’t complain because I’m not an idiot. Then occasionally my dog barks and you would think it’s all day. You have to ignore them op. I would point out the times you have heard him make a noise if it carries on.

Buy some ear plugs neighbour!

Solved.

Raise it with your neighbour, the homeowner, not the lodger.

I work til 10pm and tend not to go to bed until 3am/4am due to various things (mostly medication timing so I can be at my most awake during my work hours) - yes it is a bit irritating when I get woken up in the middle of my 'night' by daytime noises but that's my problem, I am the one who lives to an unusual schedule!

The only thing I have asked of my immediate neighbours is that they don't knock on my door for things that can wait, until 12 noon or later (obviously if its super important I don't expect that). More because it takes me half an hour to wake up properly and if they want sense outta me, they are better off waiting.

Both are fine with that and very kindly avoid very noisy stuff until after then if they can but I don't expect it and certainly would not demand it!

YANBU. I’ve worked night shifts for twenty years. Daytime noise is just part of the deal. You use ear plugs, white noise, keep windows shut and fan on etc. Good sleep hygiene really helps as well so if he is staying awake until the brightest part of the day then it’s no wonder he’s struggling.

The fact that he made antisocial noise when it suited him would make me even less inclined to be quiet in the day!

OP you can be considerate to a point, as in if you know he leaves for work at 5pm and you think at 4pm oh I need to vac and I need to wash up and I need to dust, you could choose to vac last. But no one should be expected to not make normal noise, so if you need to vac at 3pm because thats what works for you then thats what you should do. He should buy earplugs.

My neighbour is clearly a bit deaf as his TV is so loud it keeps us awake. So we run a fan and white noise on my phone. We now can't hear him. Is it ideal for us? No! Is it fair for him to have his TV on? Of course it is! So we make a sensible allowance.

I say this as a former night shift worker, the man needs to just deal with the noise.

I had to try and sleep through my next door neighbours having a huge extension built, could have cried some days but they weren't unreasonable.

Stop walking on egg shells and go about your normal day to day life.

He needs to wear noise cancelling ear plugs, maybe buy a pair for him as a good will gesture, but people taking Nightshift jobs need to factor in general daytime noise when sleeping