Having your children adopted

You need antidepressants and anxiety medication, you need to speak to social services and get support in place and parenting classes. If you do or don't work, check on entitled to website and see if you can get financial help for childcare. Even if you dont work, you can often get a place for them in nursery and referred by a social worker, from 2 years on. Claim child maintenance if you aren't already.

It feels difficult but if you can get the correct medication for depression and anxiety, it really will help. And the age they are now is one of the most difficult.

You're going to have to get SS intervention, you can't just drop them off somewhere.

I’m so sorry you are feeling like this OP. It must be very hard not to have help. I hope you are able to get support from your local services.

@altarego there is information on the Childline website about the adoption process.

Also, I think your first port of call would be the children’s services department of your local authority/council & they should be able to help answer your questions, or at the very least, be able to point you in the right direction.

As far as I understand it, social services would always be involved, as part of this process.

It may be that after talking it through with some of these organisations, you find out that what you actually need is better support which they can provide, or help you source.

Also they would have to track him down if possible and get him to agree to the adoption. As PP have said though, there is no way they will remove the children.

I think I was born too late. I read posts like this and wish we still had proper local communities. Then, maybe if someone was struggling a few of us equivalent MNetters of that time could have a confab, descend on said Mum and give her a hand and a break, get our kids all playing and keep an eye. We all need a village and parenting alone, when depressed, guilty, feeling like a failure must be the worst. Know we have online but it really isn’t the same.

OP I was a single parent for a time too, there are days it takes you to the edge of yourself. If you had a magic wand 🪄 how would you like things to be? Trying to ascertain if you really want to give up the children or if you needing support and a rest.

Please dont do this. I was you in the early 90s. I had 3 small children age 3,2 and 3 months. I had to kick their father out because he was abusive and a heavy drinker. He left me with nothing. I had to ring Socail services to ask for some formula milk for the baby. A nice man brought some and asked if I thought the 2 older ones would benefit from nursery places. I agreed and got 5 mornings a week nursery. It changed my life, I was happier and so were the children. So my advice is talk to SS and tell them you are at the end of your tether and need some help

Where is the father?

Hi OP, I'm an adopter.

What i think you should do is reach out to social services and tell them you are struggling, that you are considering asking for your children to go into care, and can they help some way please.

Often people don't ask for help because they are worried their children will be removed, but you sort of don't have that worry.

Care experienced children do have 'worse' outcomes than the 'average' child, but that is in good part because of the reasons that led to them going into care in the first place.

I don't know the right answer for you, but I do think that Social Services is the place to start. Also the doctor. SS don't want to take children into care - that's expensive so they won't precipitate that unless they feel there really is a need.

If your children are being traumatised at home then you and they need help.

Well you don’t just need to carry on then. You’re being dismissive of people who are offering advice and that attitude is a bit childish.
if you want support on how to feel better within yourself, reach out to the GP.
if you want support on how to manage the children better with parenting and behavior, reach out to your areas children’s services. My area does lots of things for parents such as courses etc.
are the children in nursery? Could you enroll them using the free hours to give you a break?
reach out to social services for support also.
are you in contact at all with their father? Can to reach out to him?

there’s lots of options.

I am the parent of an adopted child and it's not easy, she is terribly traumatised thanks to her birth family and we adopted her when she was very little.

The harsh response is that ultimately being a parent is about the children and adopting them out is not necessarily the right or easy way. Parenting is a life long commitment and if you abandon them you'll damage them and yourself permanently.

The kinder response is you clearly need help and you need to talk to your GP and social services. Parenting is so so hard. But it also offers a lot of joy, finding help will help

Do you mean you're not interested in support from SS. Or generally? Would you consider other agencies? For instance Homestart?

If you are looking at options then you need to reach out for support. SS aren’t just for when you want your kids to be adopted. They can offer support to families are struggling too.

And fwiw one of my children is really challenging on a regular basis. It can be really tough at times and it’s reduced me to tears on a couple of occasions. There’s no shame in reaching out for support.

Have you tried the health visitor? I know they can be hit and miss. Looking after young kids alone is a hell of a challenge. I feel we don’t support single mums enough.

You will damage them even more by relinquishing them.
You need help. Immediately.

I am going to say what a brave woman you are for admitting this is just too hard for you and you're struggling. But not to seek some support tells me that you're done in. This is depression possibly talking and it's really sad.

Please carry on being brave and yes, go see your GP and grab any help you can and give it a while. It may just turn your life around, that's got to be worth a try hasn't it?

Go easy. Take a breath, look at your options with fresh eyes.

This mentality isn’t going to help you or your poor children, get help for yourself and atleast try!
if you can’t manage after help, give them the chance to be with people who will care for them, take the necessary steps to do so! There little humans they deserve a good shot at life they didn’t ask to be born.
get yourself some urgent mental health help for yourself and them

Is the dad dead or were they donor conceived? Other wise you would need to contact the father if he has parental responsibility. He may not be a suitable parent but still needs to be contacted regarding this.
ss will always try to place with family. In this case they may look at the dad or the dad’s parents/siblings.

You need to go to the doctor's, if they won't listen see a different doctor, you need to tell them how you're feeling, that you can't cope and need help. Your brain is chemically imbalanced, you can feel better than this, it doesn't need to stay this way. You can be calmer and happier. You don't have to stay feeling this way. You can get help and feel lighter, happier and able to cope. Can you see rationally that how you're feeling isn't normal? Please go to the doctor's and demand to see someone who can help you. Wishing you healing.

@altarego you must be feeling so desperate and alone.
Please go back to the GP and explain clearly how you feel. You say you're not interested in support, but you will need support for your mental health, whatever happens with this.
How long has this feeling been developing?

You need to access help, your children don’t deserve this.

So you don't want us to offer options of support. What would you like from the thread do you need a how to? Are you after people who have done it to tell you what its like? Are you wanting to speak to adopted adults hear their experiences.

Do you feel this is the last resort or would you be willing to try and keep your family unit together?

Do you love your children? Genuine question.