Having your children adopted

If you feel you won’t get help from
GP go direct to children’s services.

You need a social worker to help you
manage your way through this and that will include looking at your MH, parenting courses etc.

You obviously are a great deal about your children and right now feel someone else would raise them better.

You may still feel that way in 6/12 months or support may change that.

Im so sorry you feel overwhelmed. I hope you get some useful support

OP, I am really sorry to hear this. I think you need support. Start with GP for how you are feeling and health visitor if kids are preschool. Be as open with both about how you feel. I suspect everyone is right that adoption isn't a quick or straightforward option and being with a parent who isn't coping is considered a much better outcome than going into care, which is what would happen, at least in the short term. There is no guarantee of adoption or the kids staying together if you did relinquish parental control.

Do you have any childcare in place currently? It is possible that this could be extended if not full time already? I think everyone's first approach will be to try to provide you with support to improve this situation. If you can, try to engage with this, I think you'll be doing everyone a favour. You sound at the end of your tether with limited coping strategies currently. Do you have anyone who might intercede to help out? Family, friends etc?

They can't be adopted without passing through socail services so I would start by phoning then asap. They always have a duty SW on the end of the phone. But it won't be a fast reply.

You also can't give up children without invoking some kind of child protection case. If you really think this is in the kids best interest them I'm really sorry you are struggling so much. But I think that's the only path.

I think there's a presumption that the bar is low and SS rush to take kids, but the have a shocking high bar. But that's not to say it's not possible. It clearly is

Did you not read the part about how she can't control her emotions and screams and shouts at them because she's so overwhelmed easily. She absolutely could be doing with meds.

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk
try these two organisations which are there to help with parenting
or https://www.home-start.org.uk/

Have you felt like this since they were born?

Oh FGS- meds are not the answer.
OP needs help with parenting techniques.
Not dampening her emotions.

Separate the issues
-your mh and need for coping strategies as I suspect it is not only an issue with your dc but affects other aspects of your life
-need for a break from your dc, perhaps holiday clubs or foster care to start with, adoption is rarely quick and can be quite damaging for those involved

if your dc are still young perhaps start with hv, if older Gp, school safeguarding/welfare officer or ss.

Does their father not see them at all?

You need parent coaching/ support so you learn to manage your emotions and take control of situations.

Have you family around to help?

Adoption is the not the answer. The solution lies with you getting support so you can cope better.

See your GP and explain how you are feeling.

You need sertraline my love!
Everyone feels like thst sometimes, but if you are feeling like that all or most of the time yu need help.
Do an EConsult first thing on Monday morning and be very definite thst youare st breaking point and need medicstion

You can google your local council and duty social worker number. Such as - Glasgow duty social worker phone number. Then call and speak to someone today about how you feel.

If I felt the way you are saying you do right now i’d be ringing 111 or a mental health service urgently, you say you have no help, don’t like your children ect.. you need to seek some help now, it isn’t fair to them. Are they safe with you?

It's actually not like you can do that sorry to say. Social would want early help, support, foster care first etc. If you drop them at a police/fire/social services building and don't take them back you'd be criminally charged. Goes on your record and effects your future job prospects. Can't ever work with kids/elderley/vulnerable people again.
There are a massive shortage of foster carers. Reality is your kids would be split up and bounced around emergency placements for a while. Adoption would take a minimum of 12 months. And is unlikely if any of your kids is over 2. Most likely long term foster care. Quickest route would be to say you're scared of harming them and are not safe, but they'd want you committed in hospital for that to fly. Then even if you say no they'll find your family and offer kids to each of them even without your consent. They will then discover who the bio dad is and then offer kids to him/them and all their family. They will offer them money to take the kids short term sometimes so sometimes people will do it for the wrong reasons.
2 months down the line you're feeling better. But a 2nd cousin twice removed of the bio dad who you've never met wants legal guardianship of them. It's granted and she never let's you speak to them again until they're 16 and it's their own doing. Maybe they don't want to.
I'm a foster carer..adoptive parent and have guardianship of a distant relatives child.
It's just never that simple.
Get help for yourself.

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time, OP.

If your MP has a decent surgery/constituent office, they can be absolutely ace at helping people access services and help. I work with some organisations and our local MP's office is brilliant at that kind of thing.

I also agree with a PP about Home-Start. It's a brilliant organisation and their volunteers and staff can be a perfect answer for parents struggling to cope.

@altarego adoption can be an option, but it isn’t as simple as asking for it to happen. You will have to deal with SS. They will want to assess what support you might benefit from.

Pragmatically, they want to know that you won’t want them back 18 months later when your hormones settle down, and that the DC will be better off elsewhere.

Do you have any diagnoses? Neurodiversity, mental health?

You probably need to see the GP and go in saying very bluntly that you are not coping as a parent and are trying to explore adoption. That you are struggling with managing your anger and are afraid you will hurt the dc. Those phrases will trigger the GP to pay attention.

Health Visitor is also a good place to kick start this. Using the same wording above, that you are not coping, having rages, etc.

Wow. Poor kids.

No you are not stuck with them until they are 18.

The first step to getting them taken away from you is, as many others have said, to contact social services (child services at your local council).
You will have to fight hard to get them taken though, because there is no money in the system and keeping children in care pending adoption costs a lot.
So the social workers will do everything they can to persuade you to keep them. But if you really don't want them and the social workers eventually see that, they will be taken away from you in the end.

Not saying I think that is the best thing for you or them. But contacting social services (and your GP) has to be your first step.

Please seek professional help OP. MN is not the place for you I’m afraid but I sincerely hope that you get the support you need and you and your children are safe 💐

Are they in nursery? Have you looked at parenting classes? Are you still under health visitor? You need to contact someone be it health visitor, GP or social services. You may get referred to organisations who may give you support.

Please don't say this. It's patently not true in many cases. The care system is no ones first choice but there are many worse things that can happen to a child than going into care.
OP how about contacting social services and telling them what you have told us? See where it goes from there.

dh was adopted as a small child as dm couldn't cope. I would say it may be the best course of action, but shouldn't be your first. You're post about them being young, so hopefully it will be easier for them. I will say that a lot of trauma can still happen despite the young age (but that can sometimes be the better alternative). Go to a dr (a different one) have everything written down so you dont get flustered and tell them you are struggling and the rage emotions, as adoption or no adoption, you deserve to feel mentally stable and there is help available for that (it can just be a pain in the arse for drs to take womens mental health serious). You should also contact your local social services and local authority adoption team, and just really explain how much you are struggling

Have you considered if you are neuro diverse? How old are you? I'm 44 my kids are 5 and 8. The last few years I have struggled with managing my emotions, I get very overwhelmed with noise and whining and constant pulling and tugging. I also am perimenopausal and have started hrT. That has helped with my sleep and emotional regulation. I also suspect I have ADHD. I am very sensitive to noise and I get overwhelmed quickly , this seems to have got a lot worse since my kids were born. I don't know what I would do if I was a single parent honestly. Admitting you're struggling is the first step and then talk to your health visitor and GP. If there's something else at play such as hormone imbalance that can be treated or neuro diversity meds can be helpful. Sending you a big hug. Being a parent is very hard.