Having your children adopted

You need to contact SS and engage with them. I doubt you can simply give them up in a day - its a process. But if you show you can't cope they will be taken off you.

Poor kids though.

Edited - you do realise that your kids could end up in a situation much worse than what they are in now, right?

@altarego I admire you hugely. Despite how you feel, you obviously care about your children because you know that you're all struggling.

Please contact Social Services. Don't worry about what people are saying about how difficult it is, etc. Just phone them and say how you feel.

They’ll be far more damaged in the care system. Or worse, abused physically or sexually.

a bit of yelling or even a lot of yelling is not that bad and whereas not ideal is much better than care system or unknown family which can be much worse AND won’t be their real mom.

if you are thinking that would be better for them I can assure you that it won’t.

go to the GP and get some meds please

This is utter bullshit, and it frustrates me people write this shit. From what she’s written her children may well benefit from being seperated as will she. Sometimes people cannot parent. They cause damage. The op it appears is one of them,

You need medication for your depression OP. It’s as simple as that

Have you had a lot of trauma in your life altarego? Have you ever heard of 'the window of tolerance?

If you haven't heard of it, we all have a window of tolerance in which we can generally cope quite well with day to day stresses etc, but sometimes after a lot of trauma or chronic stress the window gets very narrow, meaning that the slightest thing can set you into fight or flight mode.
Does that resonate with you?

Because the reaction is happening in the body, and not the mind it is very hard to 'think' your way out of it because it's the body that needs to be reset instead.

People can go into hypo-arousal or hyper-arousal or alternate.

Hypo-arousal would be where you get numb and spaced out and frozen and Hyper-arousal can make you anxious, angry, out of control etc,

It sounds like in your case you're going into hyper-arousal when dealing with your kids,* *here are some techniques here which can help to regulate your body in the moment, things like shaking your body, jumping up and down etc or even just sipping water through a straw.
https://lunaintegrativecare.com/blog/opening-the-window-of-stress-tolerance-techniques-for-self-regulation

If any of that resonates with you then therapists who do EMDR or sensorimotor psychotherapy can help.

Op. Call social services, of course you can put your children up for adoption. They of course need to ensure this is the right decision and there is no other option, which it appears there is not, and I assume they will come to that conclusion quickly. As the children are at risk. Maybe not physically although I’m not sure, but mentally,

so just pick up the phone, when they are not there and tell them what you’ve told us, as they are nursery age, hopefully they will find a new family who will love them, they won’t remember their start in life, and you can go on with your life.

Refer yourself to social services and ask for whatever support they can give. Respite care? Parenting classes? Therapy for your feelings if abandonment/grief/neglect/overwhelm.? You need everything.

Its technically quite difficult to relinquish your children to the state and despite what you think they will not benefit from being separated. You probably had very inadequate and neglectfuparenting yourself. Perhaps your sister sucked up what was available. Toddlers snd young children can (and should!) be persistent and test limits. That is how they get their needs met and survive. You experience this as intrusive, upsetting, bad behavior, whatever. You need a lot of support and parenting classes to learn to reparent yourself and them.

I'm sorry things are so hard.

Whether you are looking for help or looking for your children to be taken into care the Local Authority/Social services have to be involved.

Please try these helpful links.
You won't be judged, people will want to help you

This is true at the moment, there are scant numbers of adopters and its a struggle finding adopters for small babies who have no specific needs

Yours are pre school and you say their behaviour is difficult.

There is no guarantee they would be placed together

If in care there is no guarantee they would be placed together, its also impossible at the moment to get foster carers even for the youngest most compliant placid children.

I fIf they children are at nursury - can you make an appointment with staff there so they can refer you on for help?

Don’t give up. Go to the doctor and tell them that you want to relinquish your children. Tell the GP that you believe they are at risk because you’re not coping.
Ask for emergency intervention from social services. Exaggerate the situation if you need to. You need support urgently.
it’s awful that you’re so alone with this.

I’d start by referring myself to Early Help which is under the umbrella of Children’s services. Depending on where you live there may be different names.
this link on young minds explains a little more about it all. I suspect you could ask
GP
or health visitor or nursery to refer you.
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/early-help-and-early-intervention-services/#:~:text=This%20might%20be%20suggested%20by,directly%20to%20your%20local%20authority.

Pre-school children should still be under HV - if GP was unhelpful try your HV and be very clear what the problems are and how you feel.

Also try Home start

You will have to talk to SS - as they won't just adopt the DC they will want to work and support you first.

Would it help you if you just shared some of your thoughts on here and maybe people can help?
Are the children safe at the moment?.

EXACTLY THIS! This is really really serious and you need immediate intervention. Please call either 111 or your local out of hours social services team and explain exactly what you have in this thread. Your children need to be safe and loved and I say this with no judgement but it doesn’t sound like you are able to provide that for them at the moment. Sending care, please call someone today.

OP, please don’t write things off as being ‘beyond Homestart’. They work with some very at risk children and families, plenty of whom have social services involvement. They could be part of the solution for you.

Please try again, ideally seeing a different doctor next time. Be completely open with them about what is going on.

Also please consider contacting social services. They may be able to help out with respite care or something similar.

Thanks for sharing this. Everyone needs some help sometimes. I am really glad your experience was so positive and think it's really brave and helpful to share this.

@ChaiLou This is not a helpful comment. Meds can be very helpful for depression and anxiety. OP said she feels depressed and she is clearly not experiencing a normal emotional response. She may be suffering from PND that has gone untreated - it can start up to a year after the birth.

Call social services if you repeat yourself often enough they might remove them is the father on the birth certificate? Him or his family might take them

That's obviously not always the case so your comment isn't helpful. Plenty of children are worse off with their parents than in care hence the care system exists.