Having your children adopted

OP I know I was cross earlier but it I think you are clinically depressed. A two and four year old are hard work and if you have no real respite it can be awful. Planning helps as does routine e.g. meals always at the same time, a bedtime routine to calm DC down. Activities during the day which you can do with them. Painting, jigsaws, playing with toys (the housework doesn't really matter as long as there is not actual dirt like unwashed plates for a week in the sink and no clean clothes), going for walks, going to the library, reading books with them (make them sit down and listen, which may take some doing but read the story engagingly with voices, actions etc, so that they want to pay attention). Limit screen time and let that screen time be TV and not tablets etc (don't have these at all). Check DC are not allergic to some foods, that you are not feeding them stuff that makes them hyper, too. And get some anti-depressants from your GP. Ask about support groups in your area etc. Find some friends in that way. Love your children. They will grow up and be lovely people (but they will be teenagers first, unfortunately).

Is the dad on the BC? Do you know where the dad is? Perhaps the best option for you is to go and drop them off with him or his family.

Over an hour ago now so theres been time to read some of the helpful advice and make a phone call, I was one of the first people to respond to the post

1 hour and 20 mins.

Why on earth would you not be interested in support?

Are you on the autistic spectrum by any chance, or do you suspect you might be? Getting very overwhelmed is something that can happen to most mums at some point, but help is available and you can come out of it the other side, in a much better place. Please don't give up just yet.

You need to contact your GP urgently, or your health visitor if you still have one. If you want to put your children up for adoption then there is no way to do it without going through a multi-agency approach where SS would want to speak with your children's nursery or school, health visitor and GP anyway so there is nothing to be gained in trying to avoid going to your GP. There is absolutely no easy route to simply giving your children up for adoption.

The very first thing they will do is try to get to the bottom of why you are not coping, and to support you in any way they can. Depending on the severity of your mental health crisis (and that's almost certainly what this is) your children MAY be removed into the care of social services while they offer ongoing support and treatment to you. But even then, your children are highly likely to be put up for adoption, even if they can never be returned to you. It's more likely they'd be in long term foster care with supervised visits by you, unless you refused to see them altogether.

OP if you can please let us know the children are ok and that you’ve reached out for some support

Talk to your doctor sounds like you are stressed possibly depressed, they may refer you to something like cbt.
Then phone social services and explain the situation to then. Explain exactly what you've said here. Well all get stressed at times but to call your kids names isn't really fair on them.
There's a dad by me that does this often to his kids and it could be for something simple as wetting the bed. I know its wetting the bed because he shouted it on the top of his lungs at 5:30am calling the child names.
If SS don't think your child are in danger then they wont do anything straight away. They are more likely to help you control your anger

Do they have a nursery place continuing as normal over the summer? An option if you felt comfortable would be to talk to the safeguarding lead at the nursery, they can trigger the help for you. Is it a local authority nursery? They can help be really helpful if they’re already involved in any behaviour issues with your children at the nursery? If they are both pre school age, you can have access to a health visitor, which will be done via your GP, or an appointment with a nurse at your GP practice.

So why attack me for proposing the obvious interim steps like getting help to mitigate the damage she acknowledges she is doing to the children? And the damage she is experiencing feeling so angry and helpless i her role as sole parent.

I don’t know why you are picking on my comment as I haven’t said anything else than every responsible adult has said on this thread. We all think there are important first steps for OP to take to safeguard children and herself.

Speaking of bullshit: You are doing her no favours by encouraging the fantasy that the children deserve to be separated from each other because they are somehow bad or arguing or even hit each other. These are very young children! Their behavior is totally age appropriate! She can’t manage them but she clearly is in crisis.

Separation from each other and their orimary parent is not a good solution! No study shows that preschool or primary age children are better off separated from their siblings or in foster care. The UK, specifically, has tons of data going back to the goddamn Blitz studying the effects of family separation, abandonment, and foster care on children. Look at the wirk of Ainslee, Bowlby, and Winnicott. You are completely wrong in your supposed support for OP’s fantasy.

I have read what what the OP wrote. How would it help her to tell her that her local Social Work Department will do more than what I have outlined ? She can certainly phone SW and take it from there. We are giving essentially the same advice but we differ in our views of what will happen next.

Keep talking to us on here if that's helpful.
How are you feeling at this moment?

parenting small kids is hard, but you can’t just put them up for adoption. It’s just not feasible. They’d more likely be stuck in care which would be awful. They’re your responsibility and if you can’t cope you need to reach out for support x

Hang in there they won’t be small forever, it gets easier x

You know that saying about putting on your own oxygen mask before you help anyone else - get yourself sorted out at the doctor with some anti-depressants. You'll feel a lot better very soon and they will pick up those vibes from you.

Ask to speak to safeguarding lead at nursery to talk through the options.

Speak to your health visitor

and gp.

You said they are preschool age.

So say between 2 and 4? These are notoriously hard ages.

Doing it alone makes it much harder as you never get a break.

When one of them starts school it will improve. Maybe not the first term as they will be tired and acting up is common then, but after that.

When both of them are at school things will be very different. Not just because they’re out of the house for longer but because they are older.

You need to hang in there. Do whatever it takes to make it more bearable for the next year or two and to avoid losing your rag - earplugs or headphones, CBD oil, anti depressants maybe. “Fake it till you make it” - cuddle them and smile at them even if you don’t feel like it. They will respond positively at this age. You need to get out of the vicious circle you’re in.

How long are they in nursery for per week? Can it be upped?

You can't just have your children immediately adopted but this is what you can do.

1. Go to your GP, tell him that your are depressed and struggling with your children.
2. Ask for a referral to SS with a view towards having your children temporarily fostered while you work on your recovery.
3. Engage with social services
4. Prioritise your mental health and focus on counselling and medication.
5. Continue you visitation with your children.
6. As you being to recover you may feel differently
7. Only then does it become a choice.

At the moment you are atriggling with two issues. You must address your mental health as a priority for your sake and theirs.

No one said she could just dump her kids. Not one person.

if it’s a reading comprehension issue, ask.

It’s not parental choice this is extreme and distressing, can’t you read what she’s written, why on earth would you tell someone struggling so much, children at clear risk it’s not possible, what’s wrong with you.

op call social services, if it’s as bad as you say they will work for the best outcome and if that’s remove the children they will do that in the end,

A) She can’t just dump her children into adoption legally so there is no point in encouraging this line of thought. Its harmful to pursue it, frankly, as it delays her getting help.

B) Whether you look at this from her side or the children’s intervention and therapy are absolutely indicated and she can’t either seek it out or the children should be offered it by SS.

C) Having a depressed and irritable mother is extremely damaging to children. Ask any therapist! Her described behavior purs the children at a very high level on the ACE scale (Adverse Childhood Experiences).

Her thinking is quite unusual and extremely negative and black and white. We are all suggesting gently snd kindly that as the children’s current adult in charge she owes it to herself and them to get help.

OP, are your children safe?

OP -
listen to me -
I can see how desperate you are feeling
you are on your own with it all it
and you have been trying by doing parenting classes and all that
what area you live in and I’ll find the duty desk number for this weekend for your social services-
you can start by telling them you are at the end of your rope and can take it from there

You will always get people on MN saying you can do this but in reality Social Work can only act when all other options have been completely exhausted and there really is no other option. Such cases involve extreme or very distressing circumstances. It's not helpful for any one to suggest that this can be done by parental choice. Social Work may signpost to parenting courses or suggest speaking to your children's school about clubs they may run. You have the right to ask Social Work to assess your needs but even if your need is deemed to be very high ( child with complex and severe disability ) they will want to give you a small budget to pay for local services - if you can find any. They will not be thinking about adoption ! I don't know why so many people think children be relinquished at any stage - too many Victorian era novels maybe...