Having your children adopted

Foster care is usually for those children in danger of harm or neglect. I might be wrong.

Just talk to the Dr and say what you've been telling us. They will recommend a way forward.
You're not alone!

I have my fingers crossed for you. Antidepressants help with more then people realise. I recently came off them after 8 years on them. So it doesn't even have to be a permanent thing just something to give you that extra bit help mentally

Why isn’t Foster care an option?

Sorry I’m not experienced in this area but I assume it’s open to anyone who is struggling?

Good support will help you to break the cycle. You know that you're spiralling, and you need some support to break that. That's what a good outcome will be. No-one on here can diagnose you, but everyone is urging you to get some help, and assuring you that you won't be judged.
You're actually doing the right thing by asking advice on here.

It will get easier, not sure how old yours are but ive found as they got older its was easier. I was also on antidepressants which helped loads with my mood. If you're not already on them it might be worth looking in to

Yes we would, its a requirement.

I was answering the point about foster care.

They would contact the father and his family first. Unless he’s no longer alive he should be contacted. Even if he’s not a fit parent he should be informed about what is happening.

Depending where OP lives the children could be separated and may not be placed together, they may be anywhere in the country. Fostering places are few and far between at the moment. That would hugely affect contact and the work needed to build secure attachment between OP and the children, let alone their sibling relationship

That just isn't true. Anti-depressants can really help you cope. They calm you down a bit and stop that immediate fight response. This then has a huge impact on the child.

What could be helpful is perhaps short term foster care whilst the OP gets medical help. By knowing the children are safe, and with ability to do short visits, the OP may be able to get any additional medical help she needs.

Even contacting SS may trigger some extended family to step up and assist so it may not be foster care it could be family.

I think the OP is in crisis and cannot respond logically or think rationally. Don't be hard on her. She genuinely thinks it's for the best that she just gives them up. She believes she's damaging them and that they are damaging one another. She thinks the only way for them all to heal and be happy is to be permanently separated from one another. She's just at the end of her rope. I know what she is saying sounds alarming, but it's just her desperation talking. Please be kind.

@GrammarnutYou know she can’t just shove them back up there, don’t you, so wtf was the point of that?! Unless you have a secret Time Machine you can lend her I assume you just felt like putting the boot in. Overall a really nasty, sneery reply, I hope you’re enjoying your superiority complex up there looking down on her.
I see you must’ve been deleted since I started writing that as I could no longer quote your post…good.

You’re coming across as though you don’t even want to try. You’re just accepting of how life is now, but it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s still so many suggestions people have given you but you don’t seem to want to do any of them. If you want change, the only person who can make that happen is you.

Its a brave parent who says that they're fed up being a parent or dont enjoy their kids or being a parent and want out

I suppose men do it all the time except they just walk out, they dont have to use the words

It sounds like classic depression and anxiety to me, based on poor attachment of your own OP so you may not be able to develop safe and secure attachment modelling for the children

When you refer the children to social services to request adoption they will need to work with you first of course, and also see what other family is around as the children should be placed with birth family if possible. When you say 'no father', they of course do have a father and he has family somewhere. Thats what needs to be explored.

Ideally you will get better, it is possible and like many others on here I believe you need medication. Ive seen this plenty of times. You're not that unusual. People just dont talk about this.

Ring social services and go from there.

It could be that they are placed in foster care temporarily until you are ready to have them back/confirm that you can’t have them back.

Putting their best interests before yours is not selfish.

Right, just caught up with all your answers. Go back to the GP. Discuss medication for depression or anxiety and if you are already on it, ask for the dose or type to be reviewed because it's not working.

Tell them how desperate you feel and that you felt dismissed and unsupported last time. DEMAND not to be dismissed because your children's wellbeing is at stake here.

Ask for some social services intervention urgently.

Consider whether you need an assessment for ASD and if your children do.

Ask to be referred for parenting classes in person urgently.

Ask about having a Home Start volunteer to be assigned to you. If you've had one in the past and you don't think it helped, never mind. Try again with a different one.

Speak to your children's nursery and see if there are any concerns about their behaviour there, or whether they are just triggered at home by you because they feed off your stress and bad energy.

Call the NSPCC helpline and have a chat. They will have heard it all before. You will not shock them, they will not judge you and they can help you.

I'm sure you love your children and I am sure that they love you. You just can't see the wood for the trees. This can get better, it really can. You just need to be brave and take the first step. If it turns out that the best thing for your children is to be removed from your care then that is what will happen. But we are a long, long way off that road yet.

I was ready to be very sympathetic to you OP because honestly I can't think of anything harder than rearing very young children completely alone as you have been but your responses are troubling me. You don't even want to try any intervention and support as people have suggested, presumably you haven't even looked into this which I think if you really love you're children you would try there first rather than palming them off (and suggesting that they should be separated WTF!!), even going so far as to say that you'd sooner break up you're family unit then try and improve their lives and yours together
I hope things massively improve for you and youre children, they're preschoolers, how they are treated now will have a huge impact on them as they grow up

is there any mum friends from the childrens nursery’s that would be able to help for a few hours Op?
I genuinely would help you if you reached out for some help even if it was just a couple of hours to break the day up

Because she didn't realise she'd get PND, but that's obvious.

Oh sweetheart, you sound so despondant and you desperately need help.
Maybe it is the right thing to put your dc in the care of others.You certainly recognise that you are all in a shitty situation.
All hope is not lost!!!
Please contact your local sw dept. today
Keep us posted op, just to offload, most of us on here do really, really care
🌺x