Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
30 days only
Original poster

Warning message from EXW

41 replies

clairebear372 · 30/07/2026 08:25

im in my 30s and share ds3 with DH 40s. he shares ds12 with his ex wife. they have had a lot of conflict with courts after their divorce with custody and maintenance. shes a very difficult person i believe DH has told me their past issues stating how difficult their relationship was etc.

at the beginning of our relationship she sent me a message saying i dont know anything about him that she has court evidence of how he was physically verbally and financially abusive to her. she said when this comes to light she can show me
things. i brushed this off as bitterness and jealousy.
fast forward a few years and our relationship hasn’t been great recently between me & DH for a while and im starting to go back to her message and feel their maybe elements of truth?

OP posts:
StandingDeskDisco · 30/07/2026 12:53

AImportantMermaid · 30/07/2026 08:31

You don’t need to go back to her. You have your own evidence.

This.
Forget her message.
Look at your relationship with your own eyes.

If it is not good enough, then you can either suggest marriage counselling to work on the issues (but not a good idea if he is manipulative or abusive, as he will just manipulate the counsellor and use the counselling to find new ways to abuse you), or you can leave.

Or you can carry on as you are and put up with it - but I definitely don't recommend that option.

orangehandles · 30/07/2026 12:36

clairebear372 · 30/07/2026 11:52

hes been arrested but it was false allegations and no record if was to do a claire law

What was alleged to have happened?

There's a big difference between false allegations and those that the accuser was unable to prove so it couldn't go any further. Victims also sometimes withdraw their accusations for fear of reprisals.

I'm assuming that it was he who told you that the allegations were false.

Vaguelyclassical · 30/07/2026 12:34

CitizenofMoronia · 30/07/2026 09:01

This is exactly what Clairs Law is for, If he has been abusive to his ex and she has evidence it will show up,

Show quote history

Clare's Law.

SorrellNightwind · 30/07/2026 12:33

clairebear372 · 30/07/2026 11:52

hes been arrested but it was false allegations and no record if was to do a claire law

Sounds like you need to do one....

JohnofWessex · 30/07/2026 12:28

Octavia64 · 30/07/2026 08:31

I contemplated sending a message like this to my exH’s new wife.

i didn’t in the end because I thought she would just dismiss it as jealousy and hatred.

she’s learning the hard way.

sounds like you are too. I’m sorry

My ex wifes subsequent partners ditto

Besidemyselfwithworry · 30/07/2026 12:25

clairebear372 · 30/07/2026 11:24

thank you for the advice. in the past he sometimes is quite jealous and can accuse me of made up things that are wrong. i dont feel like he controls what i do or what i wear etc but i do feel somethings arent right.

I’d personally speak to her and find out and if she says things ringing a bell then you know she was lying and it was infact him

for some people it’s a case of sour grapes but there is a chance she could have been warning you he’s abusive!

Heretohelp1111 · 30/07/2026 12:23

Allegations can be disclosed as part of Claire’s law, as not being able to get a conviction in court doesn’t always mean it didn’t happen.

RoseField1 · 30/07/2026 11:54

clairebear372 · 30/07/2026 11:52

hes been arrested but it was false allegations and no record if was to do a claire law

How do you possibly know this if you haven't done one?

Original poster
clairebear372 · 30/07/2026 11:52

hes been arrested but it was false allegations and no record if was to do a claire law

OP posts:
Original poster
clairebear372 · 30/07/2026 11:24

thank you for the advice. in the past he sometimes is quite jealous and can accuse me of made up things that are wrong. i dont feel like he controls what i do or what i wear etc but i do feel somethings arent right.

OP posts:
CitizenofMoronia · 30/07/2026 09:01

clairebear372 · 30/07/2026 08:25

im in my 30s and share ds3 with DH 40s. he shares ds12 with his ex wife. they have had a lot of conflict with courts after their divorce with custody and maintenance. shes a very difficult person i believe DH has told me their past issues stating how difficult their relationship was etc.

at the beginning of our relationship she sent me a message saying i dont know anything about him that she has court evidence of how he was physically verbally and financially abusive to her. she said when this comes to light she can show me
things. i brushed this off as bitterness and jealousy.
fast forward a few years and our relationship hasn’t been great recently between me & DH for a while and im starting to go back to her message and feel their maybe elements of truth?

This is exactly what Clairs Law is for, If he has been abusive to his ex and she has evidence it will show up,

crackofdoom · 30/07/2026 08:37

I suppose this scenario illustrates both the arguments against divulging the truth to the new partner (you won't be believed initially) and for (you'll be believed in the end, and maybe save the next poor woman a couple of years of misery).

AImportantMermaid · 30/07/2026 08:31

You don’t need to go back to her. You have your own evidence.

Octavia64 · 30/07/2026 08:31

I contemplated sending a message like this to my exH’s new wife.

i didn’t in the end because I thought she would just dismiss it as jealousy and hatred.

she’s learning the hard way.

sounds like you are too. I’m sorry

TheresMillionsOfGeoffreys · 30/07/2026 08:29

How did you determine what the truth of the situation was?
Did you just pick the person you liked best and believe what they said?

Sorry you're going through a tough time. When you've got a kid I think it's imperative to ensure that the partner hasn't been abusive in previous relationships. Are you at risk?

Maybe giving more info about red flags you're seeing would help here.

Tryingtobenormal124 · 30/07/2026 08:28

If you're seeing red flags be careful. Youve not said anything in particular but women dont usually slate x husbands for no reason. If you feel threatened get sorted and get out. Good luck