To ask if you'd be ok with your DP doing a hobby 3-5 evenings a week?

@Missey85 Would you be OK with doing 80% of the housework too?

With no kids no I wouldn't have a problem with it use those days and find a hobby for yourself 😊

@Willowback Do you also do something 5 days a week? I assume he also shares the housework too? And childcare if you have kids?

You do 80% of the cleaning, and he's out doing his own thing all the time...

If you stay with him, I highly advise you don't have children with him. They will be your 'project', just like the cleaning is.

Men have eyes. They know full well that cleaning and tidying needs doing; we don't have to tell the wee blind lambs, THEY KNOW.

He's banking on this set up continuing and you keeping quiet and being a good little girlfriend appliance.

How many nights a week do you see him/her?
How many do you want to see them?
I'm guessing it's not a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. Would you like it to be more serious?

My DHs hobby became his full-time job about 12 years ago so he now does it 5 days a week and sometimes he'll do it on his days off as well. I swear this is why we have been happily married for a long time, we both have space to do our own thing i must admit though I do switch off when he talks about!

Absolutely not. Would he be happy for you to do the same?!!!
And as for you doing 80% of the housework whilst he does this hobby - you're his partner, not his maid!!

Does your DP do less cleaning than you because of the time he is taking part on his hobby?

3 nights a week to do your own thing doesn't seem bad.

Not seeing him for 5 evenings out of 7 every week sounds like it would take a toll on the relationship, especially if you are both working full-time.

YABU. I've had periods in my life when I was training (not a competition sport) 3 to 5 times a week myself. If you can only fill your evenings as part of a couple that's on you - spending 100% of your spate time cooped up with your partner sounds unhealthy.

The housework is a different story. Could you do a regular joint cleaning session on Saturday mornings? Are there some tasks that he could take in entirely? But if you spend nearly every evening cleaning (not just tidying for ten minutes) maybe it's you who should reassess your priorities. Life's too short for this.

What time doeshe go out to the hobby?

If you are going to be alone and lonely then do it without carrying the weight of another adult on your shoulders. Id prefer to be single and alone than in a relationship and lonely.

In hindsight I wish my ex had committed more to his hobby. We did everything together all of the time and became co-dependent. Eventually I started getting bored/restless and started up a new fitness regime 4+ times a week. He still had no significant life of his own outside of our relationship/work and became very depressed. I think you need your own lives and identities outside of work and the relationship. Obviously there needs to be a balance of free time so that he's still investing quality time in the relationship.

Only you can decide whether it's too much or not. What if it was you with a hobby that kept you busy 3+ evenings a week?

You don't have to take it OP. Yes, it is expected by a lot of people (of both sexes, too) but it's bullshit.

Is this the future you want dor yourself? Doesn't sound like it..So find a way to articulate that. Tell your oh that this isn't how you want to live and it is going to change - up to him if he is still part of your life under the new regime, where you do no more than your share of housework, and come first for any boyfriend (any boyfriend who isn't a dad that is)

Which is different from 5 days a week and not getting home until 11. If my partner and I are both home at 8 we’d have time to cook and eat dinner together, chat and watch a movie. Also the ops husband is not really contributing to household chores as he’s out doing his hobbies. Do you also not do any housework as you go to the gym 4 days a week after work?

It doesn’t matter what we think.

is it how you want to live?

it would be enough to ltb for some people and other would barely notice. But your life is yours and you are allowed preferences.

If this is the early days I see a put upon future for you if you stay with him.

When is he doing his share? When is he spending time with you?

Is the housework split equally?
Do you both have same amount of ‘me time’ - regardless of how you spend it?

Or does he expect you to do more as he is busy doing his important thing…?

Does he do his half when he is there, or do you do it all because he spends all his time at his work/hobbies/eating/sleeping/spending ‘quality’ time together?

Only if its housework. If he does it properly, he should work up quite a sweat.

Are kids on the cards in the future?