Sexual abuse as a child. I've just told my husband.

i'm so sorry OP how old were you and how old was he? Are you considering reporting it? What's your relationship like with your brother now?

I feel for you. It's so difficult, isn't it? When I told my then boyfriend (notes husband) that I was SA by my father for ten years he initially just fell asleep on my, then later told me not to prosecute as it would just "bring it all back" and "be upsetting". I thought he was protecting me, but I have since come to believe that he was protecting himself from years of me being retraumatised. Either way, I've never forgiven myself. I have two daughters and I fell utterly ashamed of the example that I've given them, but I'm 52 and that man will be 77 - there's no evidence (he confessed in a letter that he wrote to me when I disclosed everything in my 30s but my mum burnt it so I wouldn't take it to the police), so I suggest what the point would even be.

Decide what you know is right for you.

Sorry for the typos

What did you hope he'd do/say?

I'm in the same predicament but haven't told mine (yet?) as I don't know what things will look like after.

What outcome are you expecting and do you speak to your brother?

I am sorry to hear that this happened to you in the first place. Is it possible to see a therapist who will have experience in helping people through what you are going through?
If you disclosed the abuse to your husband it seems that there is a part of you that wants to talk about this or is seeking some kind of resolution and wants to know what to do yourself. If you ask yourself what it is you want, and say to yourself that you are ready to listen (sounds odd I know but it works for me, although you do really need to be ready to listen to yourself without judgement and with care) then some of your answers may be released into your awareness (for me this can come quickly but more usually, overnight or over a few days).
Maybe tell your husband that you’re not sure yet what you want him to do but you wanted him to know what’s going on for you while you figure it out. It’s a big thing to tell him, and for him to hear, and I’m not surprised that he doesn’t know what to do.
I hope this is the start of something that helps you find peace x

If you think it’s possible he also abused his daughter then I think I’d ask my GP if she could point me in the direction of some professional support on what to do next. If you feel he might be an active sexual predator, I think that’s slightly different than other situations.

oh sweetheart
it’s ok to have just wanted to tell him, to just explain a bit about yourself. Why you don’t like seeing your brother etc.
Thats ok. Realistically there’s nothing he can “do”, just support you in anything you choose to do or not do.

I was sexually abused by my sisters friend & my sister helped, it’s complicated isn’t it. I’ve not told mine, although he does know about the subsequent sexual assaults. I did that because I think I knew one day I’d break down, and sure enough I did. He’s not really “done” anything and part of the reason I didn’t initially tell him was because it’s done, what can he do. He’s a fixer, and he can’t fix this. But he was able to be supportive over my therapy, and I think that’s all you can ask.

So sorry this happened to you.

I experienced something similar but not with a family member and also had a deeply dysfunctional family.

My advice would be for you to access specialist therapy before deciding whether to go to the police. I did it the other way around and the court case retraumatised me.

Psychotherapy with an excellent therapist is helping a lot now. I have realised how it has affected my whole life, including my marriage.

How old was your brother?

How’s your dh been with you today?

its difficult for them, they will feel confused about what they are meant to do with this information. How they are meant to react, how they are meant to support you, and what they are meant to do.

if you can, give it a few days to settle in then broach it - if you can bare to, just to check in so it’s not an elephant in the room.
are things more settled with your daughter? Do you feel the need to drink again? Can you get in touch with the therapist again if you need to? Life sounds incredibly tricky at the moment and it’s ok to need that extra support if you could do with it.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I think it's a good thing that you've told your husband, even if he feels unsure about how to respond. I think you would probably benefit from some support specifically for survivors of child sexual abuse. I hope it will aid your recovery if you're still using alcohol to self medicate.

https://napac.org.uk/

This organisation might be of help - please give them a call. Sending love and support 💐