Feel like I'm annoying and need to watch my words

Or just talk as is natural and be with someone comfortable.

Let me guess, if you let him finish he will say you dont care.

I don’t think think the OP says their partner is a ‘he’.

I wonder if the answers would be different if someone was saying ‘I’m having a really tough time with my family at the moment. I try to talk to my husband about it but I can tell he’s not really interested. I tried to explain that I don’t really want him to solve the problem, just listen. Now he just gives these kind of automated responses at timed intervals. Communication is really important to me but I don’t know how to explain what I need’.

Maybe they would, maybe they wouldn’t, but we seem to have leapt to ‘domineering and critical’ very easily.

Comparing the OP to a woman at work is a bit shoddy, and may earn an ‘oh fuck off’ from me, but ‘toxic’ and ‘triangulation’ - good grief!

Well there goes my coffee 😂😭😂😭😂😭😂😭

You've concluded remarkably quickly that the OP isn't really listening, even though she's clearly said she's upset and is actively asking whether she's in the wrong.

That's the opposite of someone refusing to reflect on their behaviour.

Instead, you've labelled her as not interested in listening.

Good grief!

There is nothing wrong with you OP. It’s the way your partner is speaking to you that is the issue. I could never respond to anyone so rudely even if I didn’t like them. Do you really want to spend your life watching your tone, and over analysing your responses to please him. The next time he say “can you let me finish” you say absolutely we are finished.

Exactly.

Partner does sound like a bit of a dick. But agree with PP that maybe just nod along and “mmm” instead of words that can interrupt
Also maybe ask when he starts a story, is he looking to vent or looking for a solution? Sometimes you just need to get it off your chest, you don’t need advice or someone else to tell you what to do.

Actually, I absolutely haven’t, I’ve very carefully suggested that this could be the case (or that it might not). I am trying to provide balance.

This was my first post

But this is about the dynamics between your husband and you, this doesnt mean its the same for the OP and I wonder if you are projecting your feelings on to the OP's situation a bit too much.

The OP's partner is literally having a go at her for saying "sorry" - thats way beyond "I just want you to listen to me" its unkind

I was simply offering my own experience as an example of an alternative point of view.

In my experience, in relationships, it’s rarely as simple as there being a ‘baddy’ and a ‘goody’. As I have suggested, the OP seems to be doing their best, as most of us generally are. This does not necessarily mean that their partner is a toxic, domineering dickhead with significant attachment difficulties and a possible personality disorder.

Though of course, that is also a possibility.

I agree that going into fix-it mode is not generally helpful. Most people just want you to listen and empathise. Otherwise your conversational style seems fine.

hes a knob.

however i would listen intently, nodding or grimacing silently at the appropriate moments if i could be arsed, and say nothing. nada. zip.

at the end if his monologue see if he expects anything. if he asks answer him. if not say nothing. maybe even walk away or turn the tv on.

And if he says why are you not speaking i’d ask innocently “oh am i allowed to speak now as i wasn’t previously per our convo last week when i was told to stop offering advice or commenting during your monologue so i did as i’d been asked”.

when world war three then erupts by he who must be obeyed i’d tell him to sling his hook.

Yup. Don't say the right things? Criticised. Say nothing? Not good enough.

Ask him for the accepted script.

And have long animated chats on the phone with your mates. While not talking to him. And when he asks, tell him why.

Your partner is excusing their too close relationship with their work colleague by pretending you are not a good listener.
Ignore everything they say about your communication. It's made up nonsense to justify their 'friendship' and to set you up as being to blame if/when it becomes more.
Your focus here needs to be your partner's behaviour. I'd be telling them straight that I saw through the manipulation and that if they thought the woman at work was preferable to you, then they needed to end the relationship with you and try their luck. Because you don't get to stay in a relationship with someone and constantly compare them unfavourably to someone else.

I think it goes a bit further than different communication styles when he is comparing you to a woman at work. He sounds like an arse.

Ah well it looks like 90% of people agree the OP isnt being unreasonable so I would suggest he is being a dickhead actually.

Its rude to tell someone to be quiet - if he was that upset about the way the OP communicates then he can talk to her about it- communicate this like an adult instead of criticising and nitpicking

Most of what you're doing sounds normal. "Don't try and fix things please" is probably fine; he's just saying what he needs when he's told you about a problem so I wouldn't take it personally or think you've done something wrong. The other things you are doing are very minor and don't interrupt the conversation or take it in a new direction so I don't say he's being reasonable in objecting to them. If he's making these comments often I'd think either he's inappropriately controlling or he's too immature to realise that other people will naturally have different speech patterns than him. I wouldn't change my speech patterns; he's an adult and can learn to tolerate an occasional "oh, cool!" or "OK" without being weird and rude.

Well, I think it’s great that you’re suggesting, when you were previously stating as fact, and that’s really the only point I was trying to make.

The OP’s partner may well be a dickhead (which is quite some way from being a toxic domineering bully who employs triangulation) but the fact that 100 random strangers on a anonymous forum say that he is, in no way makes it true.

What are you getting out of the relationship? You don't have to stay in it if he's not making you happy.

He doesn’t like you, is all.

He sounds prickly and difficult to converse with, nothing you’ve said sounds out of place or annoying? Active listening is something most people do to show interest. If you’re not interrupting or immediately turning the conversation around to yourself then I can’t see a problem. however your DP seems very eager to put you down

Yes, this stood out to me too. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells with your partner, and if they think the woman at work is so much better, they need to stop trying to change you and just fuck off and date her.

My narcissistic exh was like this. Tied myself in knots trying to be careful enough with every tiny interaction with him. Guess what? I eventually managed to get away. He still does it to people, he'll ask a question and impatiently go "yes...yep... obviously...yes...yes" like he wants you to stfu immediately. If he makes any pretence at listening, that is. Often just talks over you. I loathe it and ime it's rarely something standalone. I suspect if you look at patterns of communication with friends/family, OP, you'll see that actually nobody else is like this with you. Sounds like a twat.