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Seeing a professional tomorrow for the first time since he sent me suggestive messages. WWYD?

13 replies

WontBeUsingPassMyParcelAgain · 24/07/2026 23:13

For 5 years, I saw and paid a man (15 years my junior) for sports massages in hus professional capacity. I probably saw him 10 times in total. Last September, having not seen him for about a year, he sent me a friend request on social media and I assumed he was going to ask for a review. Three days later, late at night on a Saturday, he started messaging me. Initially, he just said, "Hi," and then, "Sorry." I was a bit confused and asked what for. Over three hours, he propositioned me repeatedly. He told me he thought I had flirted with him (when I'd only ever talked about football and cricket!). I turned him down repeatedly, but didn't block him. I thought it was a dare or his friends had taken his phone. I was flattered but baffled. (He has a partner and two children under 3.) The following morning, he apologised, asked me not to get him in trouble with the boss and said he'd see me when I was next injured. I said that I definitely wouldn't be going to see him again.

Tomorrow, my 16 year old ds will play cricket against him. This is quite unexpected as there are multiple teams ds could have ended up in tomorrow. The bloke won't be expecting to see ds or me. I will be at the club for several hours. Ds is aware of what happened.

How would you go about tomorrow? Pretend you don't know him? Face up to him? Make some sort of comment in front of his team mates? (I presume he'd be embarrassed because I'm so much older.) It's bothering me more than I expected it to.

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WinterSunglasses · 24/07/2026 23:16

I'd be coolly polite but interact with him as little as possible. If he refers to your being his client, say 'that won't be continuing in the future'. Don't be alone with him or agree to speak to him alone.

ChateauMargaux · 24/07/2026 23:30

In the immortal words of many a Mumsnet post that never really come off in real life.. you need to give a tinkly laugh.. hold you head high... and front it out as if nothing ever happened.

Aside: why does your DS know.. I hope he is an adult..

Real advice.. say nothing! Chat to the supporters of your son's team. In the unlikely event that you see him at close quarters.. Hi Matt. Good game. Your team was on form today. DS's team was on form today.

AnonymityAnonymity · 25/07/2026 04:16

I was flattered
Why on earth were you flattered that a man with a partner and 2 small children was propositioning you for sex?

Personally I think you should ignore him and act as though you don't know him because honestly why would you want to know a guy who goes round looking for random women to cheat on his partner with.

McSpoot · 25/07/2026 05:13

Why does your 16-year-old son know anything about it?

GalaDinner · 25/07/2026 05:24

Drop your son off and pick him up later. He's 16, you don't need to stay. Tell your son not to speak to him unless strictly necessary, you don't want him making any comments "on your behalf".

FlapperFlamingo · 25/07/2026 05:51

Exactly as @WinterSunglasses said! No interaction if possible, if you do have to speak be courteous but no more. If he says anything “I won’t be booking again” is all you need to say. It’s weird your sons knows - hopefully he says nothing to him.

DahliaDelights · 25/07/2026 10:39

AnonymityAnonymity · 25/07/2026 04:16

I was flattered
Why on earth were you flattered that a man with a partner and 2 small children was propositioning you for sex?

Personally I think you should ignore him and act as though you don't know him because honestly why would you want to know a guy who goes round looking for random women to cheat on his partner with.

Say it louder for those who didnt hear it in the back!

Being flattered is the old misogynistic patriarchal bullshit, "any man who gives you attention its a compliment!", youre being sensitive, oh it was just a joke.

Its not a compliment. He propositioned you for sex. He didnt take no for an answer. He meekly withdrew it all when the light of day came round.
He tried to sweep it under the rug.
This man is a shit.
He takes no accountability (I was wrong, i apologise, it wont happen again)
He's a horrible partner, father.
He's an unprofessional sports physio.
Hes not a "nice guy"

Treat him with the contempt he deserves.

WontBeUsingPassMyParcelAgain · 25/07/2026 23:16

McSpoot · 25/07/2026 05:13

Why does your 16-year-old son know anything about it?

Because in the first 10 minutes he had just said hi and then kept apologising and I was confused. I genuinely had no idea what direction it was about to take.

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WontBeUsingPassMyParcelAgain · 25/07/2026 23:22

DahliaDelights · 25/07/2026 10:39

Say it louder for those who didnt hear it in the back!

Being flattered is the old misogynistic patriarchal bullshit, "any man who gives you attention its a compliment!", youre being sensitive, oh it was just a joke.

Its not a compliment. He propositioned you for sex. He didnt take no for an answer. He meekly withdrew it all when the light of day came round.
He tried to sweep it under the rug.
This man is a shit.
He takes no accountability (I was wrong, i apologise, it wont happen again)
He's a horrible partner, father.
He's an unprofessional sports physio.
Hes not a "nice guy"

Treat him with the contempt he deserves.

I previously had thought he was a nice guy. By the end of the three hours, I knew he was not. I did bump into him. I watch my ds every week and I wasn't going to let an idiot stop that. He looked uncomfortable and spoke about cricket. He messaged tonight to say thank you for not making it awkward and apologised again. I told him he'd taken a ridiculous risk and I could have ended his relationship and his career. Then I ignored his attempt to continue a random conversation. Job done.

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McSpoot · 25/07/2026 23:25

WontBeUsingPassMyParcelAgain · 25/07/2026 23:16

Because in the first 10 minutes he had just said hi and then kept apologising and I was confused. I genuinely had no idea what direction it was about to take.

Still don't understand why you then told your child about it.

Rondayvu · 25/07/2026 23:44

I cannot imagine telling my 16 year old child about something like this. I also have no idea why you were flattered that a sleazy younger guy with his own family was cracking on to you as I would be disgusted.

WontBeUsingPassMyParcelAgain · 26/07/2026 00:39

McSpoot · 25/07/2026 23:25

Still don't understand why you then told your child about it.

Well, I've explained and I don't think it is bad that my 16 year old ds knows that some people you think are nice can turn out to be sleazy without morals. He didn't see the messages. I didn't expect him to end up playing cricket against him. I also had to explain why we wouldn't be seeing him again professionally. As usual on MN, I asked for some advice and got a bashing. I've dealt with the situation today. Ds has not been harmed in any way.

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WontBeUsingPassMyParcelAgain · 26/07/2026 00:41

Rondayvu · 25/07/2026 23:44

I cannot imagine telling my 16 year old child about something like this. I also have no idea why you were flattered that a sleazy younger guy with his own family was cracking on to you as I would be disgusted.

Initially, I was flattered, but as it went on I was disgusted and really disappointed that someone I thought was nice was just an arse hole and an unprofessional one too.

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