How do you stop overthinking unread and delayed WhatsApp replies?

Can’t you just switch off the read receipts, so you can’t see if they’ve read it or not? Not sure if it’s possible on Messenger, but it is on WA.

On WA, click your profile pic at the bottom and then click on ‘Privacy’. Scroll down to ‘Read Receipts’ and toggle off - now you won’t ever see when your messages have been read.

I use this setting for the inverse reason - I often scan messages whilst on the move to see if they need an urgent response, but won’t respond until later, and I don’t want people to get the hump for reading and not replying 😄

I like the idea of switching off read receipts.

Also, really dig deep when you are at your calmest, and relaxed and ask yourself how you operate in these relationships. Are you always chasing, are you a people pleaser, do you give signals or behave in ways that show you're always available etc. Sometimes this attracts people who are not like that and can take advantage.

Are you a spammer? Do you spam text too much? Do you need to pull back?

Finally, put your phone away for a select number of hours each day and don't touch the thing.

I hate how these means of commiunication do often enable certain things in others. Not always.

Yes people are sometimes busy or you are not a priority. Either way, it's a call to question exactly what's going on in you.

Some deep breathing is going to help I think. I would also reduce the SM outlets you use.

These things are designed to exploit people, they are not good for us despite all protestations people make as to how great they are and help keep on touch. No, that's not what they're doing.

Now I have only WA and text. It is so much better for me. I am the minority I accept.

Do you have to use messenger? Do you absolutely need this?

I know this is like asking smokers who love smoking to think about stopping. That's how powerful this is. I've been reading awful things about this meta bullshit hence my posts coming from the angle - if you can get rid - get rid 🤷

I have all notifications turned off (DH and DS listed as emergency contacts so only messages/calls from them actually generate anything). I also delete everything that’s no longer needed…so don’t have big long messages to keeping going over (and overthinking 🤣 )

Turn off your read receipts, I don't have them and it's lovely.

The really hard thing here is accepting that when you pull back, you put in healthy boundaries for yourself - you can see that there won't be many people left.

Coming to terms with that is hard.

But it is better than the anxiety we are currently impacted by due to S Media.

Coming away from FB and all SM outlets was great for me.

If you're in your 20's, managing school social things, I understand how that's not actually always possible. Because you're then slightly out the loop.

But by secondary school, this mum group clique thing tends to go away because schools shut the gates luckily on annoying parents and kids manage their own lives more - as they absolutely should.

Some good suggestions here anyways OP-

Switch off read receipts.
Stop messaging cousin and see what happens. Are you only being breadcrumbed in many Comms ? Look that up and see if it applies. It's soul destroying but face it and take action ( pull away kindly)
Why watch the stuff people do on FB?
Why do people do this? It's because it's so addictive but not good for us at all.
Send a message and ask if they ever want to meet up? If they don't, fuck them honestly.

Why do people post online ' I just want to tell my amazing husband how much I love him. You're the best honey '.
Why does no one stop and think how messed up, attention seeking, validation seeking behaviour this is.

How about, you tell your husband directly and show him directly how much you love him. It kills me and I am relieved I don't endure it daily.

All this performative behaviour now is simply that - a performance.

OP, cultivate a life off the internet and SM. I know it's hard but this is how you gradually reduce the anxiety this stuff instills in people, particularly those with heightened sensitivity to the world ( a very positive and beautiful trait btw, not suited to the modern facade of performance and validation).

That was quite a rant, apologies 😆😘

You can turn off the "last scene" feature as well - same menu as read receipts

I did that a number of years ago and it has really taken the power away from feeling someone is purposely blanking you

Wretched devices of paranoia aren't they, the messaging apps

You can also mute a chat - so if they reply you won't be notified but later, on your terms, you check for replies. Maybe do that too to remove the compunction to check in more than once a day

I use WA for work a lot so find the read receipts practical - as in, l know when a message has been passed along

I just only look at them when I'm ready to respond to people or arrange a meeting. I don't have alerts and don't expect my friends to reply to me in any specific timeframe, if it's just to have a chat. As long as they do get back to me eventually.

I hate this immediacy and constancy of contact that seems core to being a decent friend now. Back in my day we talked briefly and met up. We didn't send typed three sentence messages six times daily.

And if one of us was running late then the other just had to wait. And no cancelling last minute or you'd leave someone standing about all day.

I rationalise it by modifying my own behaviour

I found it was worse when I was trying to read and reply as soon as I saw the message even if I was in the middle of doing something else. I have started only opening messages when I am in a place to give them the time and attention that they deserve.