Will probably be long, sorry, but complicated.
Dd1 is 24 years old, and probably autistic. She doesn't have a diagnosis, due to another complicated diagnosis from a gene that she inherited from her dad. But actually I think that's always been a red herring, and she's 'just' autistic, as her main issue. Her dad died from the serious condition when she was 3, and she carries the gene, which she is highly likely to pass to children. She has mild physical weakness, and her main autistic issues are related to social skills and communication.
She got married 4.5 years ago, to her boss, who is 9 years older. I only discovered 4 days before the wedding, which she had been planning in secret, and which involved meetings with the home office, due to his immigration status. My family wanted me to stop the wedding, Eastenders style. Even if that were possible, I absolutely didn't want to alienate her. Of course, I was concerned that it was just for the visa, but there was nothing I could do.
However, over the next 4 years, we got to know this guy, and he seemed to look after dd1 very well. He came to ours for xmas, met the whole extended family etc etc. Lovely chap, with great sense of humour. They seemed really happy together, and dd1 was completely besotted with him.
Myself and DH came into some money last year, enough to buy a house, just not in the area that we all lived in. Considering we were in social housing in a very high flood risk area, I really wanted the security. The only thing tying us to the old area was DD1, but she seemed so settled and happy. She gave us her blessing to move away. We went 2.5 hours away.
She came to visit at Xmas, and announced she was pregnant! Whoa! Ok, not unexpected for a couple who had been happily married for 4 years, but 1) she said she never wanted kids and 2) what about the high risk gene??
She reassured us that she'd had genetic counselling and tests and was waiting for the results. She intended to terminate, if it showed the baby had this condition. The tests came back clear - it's a healthy baby boy!!
Woohoo!! Next question, what are you doing about housing? They live in a small flat, and there's a lodger in the second bedroom. Oh that's ok, the lodger is about to return to India to get married, so the other bedroom will be available. All sorted then...
Except, long story short, they all return from India. Well the lodger comes back, but the new husband hasn't been seen since! And the lodger starts living with dd1's husband as if THEY are married. They work together anyway, and now they spend ALL their time together, and speak almost exclusively in Punjabi. They have even been caught in bed a couple of times, but apparently he was just comforting her during endo pain, and we all believe that unquestioningly....
So her whole pregnancy has been overshadowed by this. And she's attempted to believe him, and blame her. I get it, she's emotionally attached, but she's now 8.5 months pregnant and has now eventually agreed she should leave. I've tried to persuade her to move near us, but she has some local ties that she doesn't want to leave, and I also think she's very nervous of how he will react if she takes the baby away.
Practical suggestions please, of the best way to leave, get a flat, furniture etc in her current state. She has maybe 5k, and we can help her a bit. She has maternity pay from her Starbucks job. I've unfortunately used up any leniency from work this week, and she's waited till now to try and activate things, and I daren't use any more until the baby appears, I'm anticipating needing emergency arrangements then.
TIA, I've got to sort something now, so I'll check back later. I'm not just running away.