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Original poster

How would you deal with this horrid situation please?

14 replies

CraftyLemonSquid · 17/07/2026 16:51

I need help please because I am fuming.

Young autistic and learning disabled woman, early 20s, attends a non work event with a work colleague/supposed friend and their partner and another person. They have been to cinema, sports games and meals together before.

Work colleague/friends nearly 30 year old partner gets super drunk and makes sexual comments to young woman about threesomes, young woman ignores, the partner later in the same night touches young woman on her legs and upper body in front of work colleague acting as though he is trying to calm her down as she is overwhelmed but touches top of legs and top of body. Young woman screams at him to get off her and immediately says something to work colleague who was there and saw anyway.
Work colleague and partner have an argument and leave.

Work colleague/friend now making young woman feel like she is at fault, now blanking her etc. Young woman doesn't want to go to work.

As the registered carer of the first person would you report even if they did not want you to and also would you advise young woman to make work aware of the situation?

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Wayk · 17/07/2026 21:47

💯 report. That is awful behaviour. Congratulation your daughter on having the courage to confide in you. Please do not feel guilty for reporting.

PinkPhonyClub · 17/07/2026 18:38

An upsetting situation of course but I think practically challenging. Police are likely to do nothing unfortunately.

This was not a work event and the person who made the comments/did the touching is not an employer. So nothing to report directly there.

I would be cautious in trying to bring any complaint to the employer claiming hostile work environment. It’s unclear how far this is anything more than the colleague cooling towards her and whether this is your DD’s perspective.

The colleague’s presentation of the situation - both what happened originally and how she is behaving now - is likely to be very different if a complaint was raised and I’m afraid any process is likely to cause more upset to your daughter than it solves.

Personally I would encourage her to be resilient on it, go to work and perform as well as she normally does. Then monitor for a week. Hopefully things will cool down but I’m afraid unlikely they will be out of work friends going forward. Assess again then.

Yes that all sucks and is unfair but tbh I think probably the least worst scenario given circumstances as explained. Sorry.

weavingrugs · 17/07/2026 18:09

@CraftyLemonSquid
When it comes to work, the choice is whether or not to mention to presumably your DD’s support person at work, that the dynamic between her and the other colleague could be strained due to an out of work episode. I don’t think getting into details would be helpful.

The difficulty lies in the fact that your dd feels awkward because of the changed dynamic and the fact that the colleague is reluctant to talk and chat just at the moment. “Making her feel at fault” is your DD’s conclusion, but not necessarily the intent.
Even if you may have preferred a different reaction, so an immediate vocal and supportive stance towards your dd and against the boyfriend, this isn’t really a realistic outcome. The colleague may very well feel bad about what happened, but she ultimately isn’t responsible for her partner’s behaviour and at the moment possibly needs time to digest what happened.

Backedoffhackedoff · 17/07/2026 17:54

CraftyLemonSquid · 17/07/2026 17:48

I don't know. I am aware the Police would most likely do zero. I know people who have experienced worse and they have done zero.
In regards to the workplace I would hope if a vulnerable employee who has support in employment in place was being made to feel they were in a hostile work environment by another colleague that work would at least monitor the situation and step in if needed.

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I think a work complaint would need to be about the colleagues subsequent behaviour, not the incident itself.

the police wouldn’t give you an outcome that would suit you, I don’t think

Original poster
CraftyLemonSquid · 17/07/2026 17:48

Backedoffhackedoff · 17/07/2026 17:34

Report to who? You said it’s a non work event?

disgusting man. But there isn’t always someone to sort these things for you

I don't know. I am aware the Police would most likely do zero. I know people who have experienced worse and they have done zero.
In regards to the workplace I would hope if a vulnerable employee who has support in employment in place was being made to feel they were in a hostile work environment by another colleague that work would at least monitor the situation and step in if needed.

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Original poster
CraftyLemonSquid · 17/07/2026 17:43

It was not a work event sorry. I mentioned work because everyone in their group apart from the partner is from the same workplace and obviously the aftermath has spilled over into work.

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Huckleberries · 17/07/2026 17:36

Gottensomedraws · 17/07/2026 17:31

She did have the bravery which is really good.

Really worrying this is a work event and I’d def report to HR of the company. what did the 4th person say and will she support your daughter in the workplace through this.
The only other thing that worries me here is you say top of her body top of her legs were touched - surely this is an assault ?

It wasn't a work event.

Backedoffhackedoff · 17/07/2026 17:34

Report to who? You said it’s a non work event?

disgusting man. But there isn’t always someone to sort these things for you

Gottensomedraws · 17/07/2026 17:31

She did have the bravery which is really good.

Really worrying this is a work event and I’d def report to HR of the company. what did the 4th person say and will she support your daughter in the workplace through this.
The only other thing that worries me here is you say top of her body top of her legs were touched - surely this is an assault ?

Original poster
CraftyLemonSquid · 17/07/2026 17:26

Thank you.
No social worker as we have never had a needs assessment. I am going to have a chat with the learning disability nurse also to see if a social worker would be beneficial as she starts getting to the point she goes to places without myself now as it is situations like this where she is more vulnerable that I was worried about.
At least she did have the bravery to tell him where to go which I am relieved about.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 17/07/2026 17:20

Yes report.

Original poster
CraftyLemonSquid · 17/07/2026 17:18

malloryknox123 · 17/07/2026 16:59

Are you the registered carer?

I am Mum and her main registered carer however I was not the one present. She has some independence and works (in a supported environment) and goes out with people she knows independently. The fourth person with her was someone very well known and trusted to her who unfortunately had stepped away from her at the time of the incident. She was at a venue where she is well known by staff and others also. Work colleagues partner is not usually present but was there for a fundraiser.

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SoManyTshirts · 17/07/2026 17:08

Yes, I would report to HR . I would consult a social worker if the young woman has one, and possibly also report to the police.

malloryknox123 · 17/07/2026 16:59

Are you the registered carer?