A good friend of mine is in a relationship now for two years but I am seeing some red flags and am getting concerned. I know it isn't my right to intervene but I am worried about it and I know other friends of ours are also worried.
My friend is late 30's and has not had a great time dating, has one previous longer term relationship which lasted a couple of years. She's gorgeous and everyone loves her but was just never lucky to find the right guy.
Met the guy she is with now on the apps a couple of years ago and if I am honest I always had my doubts, he came on very strong, love bombed her and I think after the way she'd been treated previously it really swept her off her feet. However he's a man of 40, with zero savings, a minimum wage part time job, no qualifications or training, was living in a flat share until he moved in with her. He has unrealistic expectations that he is still going to hit the big time as a singer and recording artist even though he isn't very good.
They were long distance for a while but he as moved in with her a few months ago and now that he is in her home he's started showing his true colours, trying to control her, take over her space and dictate to her what she can and can't do. He did increase his hours at work but he is not contributing fairly to their living costs and spends a lot of money on himself to the point where her house is full of packages of things he ordered online, he also spends money recording himself singing covers at recording studios which can be expensive.
I do think my friend has doubts also but she is so invested in this relationship, it means so much to her to have a partner and to be able to do all the things other people take for granted even just having someone to go to dinner with or post photos with online. I think she can't bare the thought of going back on the apps and is not facing up to the reality of the situation. I suppose it's possible that its just a tricky phase they are going though as they establish boundaries and move to the next phase but my gut tells me he's a wrong un.
What can I do? I think the advice is to not really do anything but to just be there and that jumping in and accusing him will just lead to her becoming more isolated. Any advice?