How can I politely decline a family holiday invitation?

Much better. Don’t lie you might be found out.

If you've already said yes, then you definitely need to go back to her and say unfortunately you spoke a bit too soon and it's not going to work for you. You absolutely cannot let her go on thinking you're up for it and hope she'll just forget about it. That would be very rude and also is going to be incredibly awkward when you finally have to explain you won't be going. Much easier to send a quick text setting things straight now.

We've had to postpone 2 holidays in the last year due to my husband's cancer treatment. We've been asked to go on a long weekend abroad with others and we're going to say no as we don't know what might happen in the future. We don't generally holiday with other people anyway.

Might be that they wanted to share the cost of a holiday house.

"ah I spoke to DH about it and he really doesn't feel up to it with the cancer treatment and all that it's just be abit much for him." Who is going to argue with cancer as the excuse. Even if she suggests you going and leaving him home you look aghast and say "I couldn't leave him at home, he has cancer."

She was probably thinking of the friendship between the two boys. But most people would invite their child's friend along with them. (Won't work here bc of the dog, obvs.)

Don’t leave this hanging over you. Just text and say as nice an idea as it was, and thank you for asking, it’s not going to work out for your family. And wish her a happy holiday.

I would be incredibly suspicious of someone I barely knew asking me to go on holiday with them. But I am very cynical

Cancer treatment is good excuse for not being able to go on a holiday.

Don’t wait for her to mention it again. Text of ring her tonight unless you’ll see her on the school run tomorrow. Just say you've had a think/ chat with DH and between the cancer treatment/ annual leave/ finances/ other commitments it’s just not going to work out. It’s best you raise it first.

This. We always feel in the UK that we have to give a reason. We don't. Just say 'it isn't going to work for us'. It would be very rude of someone to say 'why not' or 'what are your reasons?'.

Exactly this. What kind of idiot asks virtual strangers to go on holiday anyway?

Another vote for this simple and honest reply. Anything else and you leave it open for the idea to be suggested again.

If she brought it up again (and she might not) I would say: "Sorry, my husband's in poor health at the moment, so we're not committing to any holiday plans this/next year. If he improves we would be going somewhere quiet, just the three of us".

I agree with this! And I think the “sorry that doesn’t work for me” kind of replies are only useful for people you don’t care about maintaining a relationship with.

I’d say that your DH’s health is such that he isn’t really comfortable being so ill in front of people. He’d rather not even be that way in front of you. Then say you hadn’t really thought about it when you said yes, but now you’ve spoken to him it will have to be a no.

Absolutely this. If you start making excuses she may try to solve them for you!

It's not difficult !!!!! Crikey. Just phone her , or apprehend her out in the street; Ask Point Blanc : WAS YOU SERIOUS ABOUT THE HOLIDAY PLAN ?????????
She Answer.s.......
You say : "It's just that we can't go, sorry."
THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH!!!!!!
SHE will say :: Oh No ! WHY !!!!!!
YOU SAY : A number of reasons , really. It's just that we cannot go at this moment in time; it's not possible, SORRY! Listen: must dash, I ve got to be somewhere!!! See you later, !!!!

I wouldn't feel a need to go into to much detail. Perhaps if it comes up again just say that unfortunately we have a lot going on within the family health-wise, so it wouldn't work at this time.

If you don't want to speak about that then invoke budgetary constraints/having already made plans for the summer period.

I agree. I think honesty is better. It took me a long time to get to that point. Saying no I don’t want to do that is so liberating and better for the other person

Just say you have other plans. If it comes up again say you don’t fancy it.

You know, I've found that radical honesty works, and also makes people laugh. "No thanks, I can't stand going on holiday with other people!" 🤣 I think people get offended when you squirm and wriggle and maybe lie to get out of it.

Don't over-explain.

If she brings it up again, a simple "thanks for the idea but we can't do that due to DH's health". It's perfectly good reason, she can't take offence or argue about it. Don't go into details, and do not mention the dog as that gives her a chance to make promises/excuses.

"We don’t want to commit to a holiday with anyone particularly because of DH’s cancer, but also because of the dog "

You just say this part that was in your OP, along with "but it was lovely of you to offer, thank you" if you want to be really polite.

To be fair she might have randomly mentioned it, I do this a lot because I get over excited by a vague idea in the moment, and then never follow up on it (probably my adhd brain). So it might never come up, I'd not worry. If it does just say "oh sorry I totally forgot about that, sadly with dh it's not an option for us". I find it highly unlikely that her dh will fancy a holiday with people and kids he doesn't know/hasn't met, whilst trying to manage his badly behaved dog who keeps biting people and needs a muzzle and who scares the other family - sounds like a nightmare for both parties tbh!! I am always going "oh my God we should......" buy a holiday home, start a business together, go on a trip, start a reading group etc - my friends have got used to it I reckon. Hopefully she's just one of those.

"Sorry, I spoke to DH and we decided we'd prefer to have a family holiday by ourselves this year. It's been a busy year and we just want a relaxing time in each others company"

Job done.