Moving into a refuge tomorrow, help me make a list

Sending you all the best for your future happiness, congratulations for taking this first step, I'm sure you will be alright, and i sincerely hope you can breathe and live freely and look forward to better days. Many many women are rooting for you.

I'm delighted to hear everythings going well. Well done you. Enjoy the sun and comfort while your there. And the peace!

Oh, what a beautiful update. So glad for you. Going to go make a refuge donation in honour of this.

I saw your update! So glad it’s going well!

Does your work have paid sick leave? We would happily issue a sick line med3 for stress which would keep your income going.

Sending support. So glad you’re safe and the staff are being great. I will donate to Refuge tonight inspired by this thread!

Thanks for the update OP. Lovely news

Awe ,i needed something to bring a wee smile to my face today , and I saw this ......
I am so glad you are safe and relaxed , you are showing your daughter what a strong woman you are .
I hope you get every happiness you deserve.
Well done on getting you and your daughter safe X

Just to say that I am sending you all the love and good luck in the world. Wishing a better, happier, safer life for you and your child x

@YesIveNamechanged80 just to say there will be a school close to the refuge that will be used to children joining basically as an emergency. The refuge will help you sort it, it's end of term anyway so will depend where you are in Sept.

Hi - so I've worked for a domestic abuse charity in a women's refuge.

Clothes - The one I was in had a washing machine so I would say something like a week of clothes would be great and you should be able to wash as you go.

Bedding/towels - they will find some of needed but you may appreciate having your own if you are able to take it.

Food - I would take it with you (use a cool bag for fridge stuff if you can) and if your cupboard/storage isn't big enough I'm sure other women will be grateful for it and at least it won't go to waste.

Bills - I would ask when you get there - they will be able to advise and help you make a list to contact.

Fuel - I know there is a system to get free train tickets but not sure about fuel.

Cottage - you may be able to go, if it's just a week they'll likely just ask you to let them know dates/address so long as it's not too close to where you are from.

Schooling - staff will help you apply to a local school when you get there, it may be for Sept now but they will do their best.

All the best to you! Well done for taking this brave step x

You've had some great advice here. I'm the manager of a refuge in London and we make up all of our rooms with the following:

• Brand new bedding - duvets, duvet cover, sheets, pillows etc.
• Towels
• toiletries
• a welcome food package - just the essentials so you can make a basic meal when you arrive
• brand new pots and pans, crockery and cutlery
• basic cleaning supplies

If your room is self-contained, you should have your own kitchen and fridge, so if you can take the food with you that you bought on Saturday, then you will be have somewhere to store it. Bear in mind parking though - depending on where you're going, sometimes the refuge will be in a controlled parking zone where you might need a permit or have to pay for parking.

You'll have a support worker in the refuge who should help you with registering with the GP, sorting out your benefits (you'll get housing benefit for the rent and you're entitled to continue to claim your housing costs from UC for up to a year while you consider whether it's safe for you to return or not), and registering your child for a school place. As it's so close to the end of term, it's most likely they won't have a place till September, but it'll be fun for them to start their summer holidays early.

You are entitled to request up to a year's extended leave of absence from your work, during which you would not be paid or accrue any benefit entitlement. Hopefully your support worker at the refuge can help you draft a letter to send to them to request this. However if your ex-partner knows the location of your work it may not be safe for you to return.

Wishing you so much luck; you are taking a very courageous step and I hope everything works out for you.

(If you have any other questions, feel free to message me.)

Good luck. I hope it all goes smoothly.

Best wishes for tomorrow and massive good luck!

Great advice on here. Wishing you and your child the very best future

I commented as if it was just your home, but it is different if it is his home too. That also affects the likelihood of you ever coming back.

A @TeaBiscuitsNaptime said, if you used to share this home with him, don't take any big item that might be his, or half-his. Only take what is definitely yours or your child's.
So if he is coming back there, don't take the TV. Take small things that he won't care about like a cushion, kitchen implements, and ornaments that you bought.

If you might never come back, prioritise expensive or irreplaceable things (tech, photos) over cheap replaceable things (cheap clothes, most kids toys and books).

When I was in my one, any children went to the closest school.

Do it room by room, obviously depending on what space you have in the car.

Work on the assumption that you may not come back for a long time, just in case.

Bathroom: your special toiletries and make up. Medicines. Don't bother taking things like cheap shampoo and soap, because you can buy fresh as needed: the space in your car may be better used for other things.

Child's bedroom: clothes, but not ones they are growing out of or will have grown out of come Autumn/Winter. Favourite books and toys. If they have a favourite duvet cover take that.

Your bedroom: your more expensive clothes, and a few cheap clothes. You can get more of cheap things like leggings and t-shirts. Check: Top half: tees, tops, jacket or coat, warm hoodie or jumper, Bottom half: skirts, jeans, leggings, Other: underwear, socks, footwear, nightwear.

Sitting room: electronics and chargers (phone, laptop, whatever tech you have, maybe the TV if it is expensive?) Any favourite items for hobbies or sports. A favourite throw or cushion. Any favourite ornaments. Photos.

Kitchen: any favourite small tools or small bits of equipment that you love. e.g. I have the perfect can opener and potato peeler, and I would not want to have to replace them.

Best wishes for the next chapter of your life.

Make sure he doesn't spot you packing, number 1! And yes, documents, passports, sentimental items, and the most important basics.

Keep in mind that you may not have access to these things again so take the things that are most important to you.

Keep in mind that he will probably pester you for ages afterwards so avoid taking any shared items or anything you have doubts over. He will just use these items to keep up contact/ leverage. Unless expensive, I would cut your losses with those things.

Refuges are great for supplying the basic essentials and will help get you set up. Also, check in with a doctor, don't be slow to go on anti anxieties for awhile if needed. There could be a bit of adrenaline running through you for awhile. Ask about childcare while at the refuge also, they may provide free childcare/support.

You've done the most important step already. And that's deciding to leave. A huge well done. Stay confident, don't doubt yourself and focus on you and your childs needs and not your ex 'i need, I want' etc. your ex is a big boy and can well look after himself, trust me!

Your child's favourite soft toy, doll, book, toy car.
I see if a friend will keep some of your other items, photos, winter clothes in their loft.

I was a child when me and my mum went to womens aid lived in wales went to womens aid in scotland , we went with the clothes we had on my mum had everyday clothes and I had a school uniform.
From What I can remember they were amazing and helped with everything , from moving into the refuge , to eventually getting us settled into out own home, I still support womens aid to this day , they saved out lives i know its a scary time for both you and your child but it will be ok , I wish you all the happiness you deserve the most important thing is you make yourself safe , everything else will work out X