First off.. I am hyper independent and take myself out the dating game quite happily for long periods of time. I split from my children’s father 10 years ago, and was single for 4 years before meeting the love of my life that broke my heart horribly. I’ve been single for another 4 years since and I feel now I’m ready to get back out there again. In my time being single between those two relationships I dated casually a lot and had casual sexual relationships whereas this time I’ve been completely alone 🫣 not one date, no cuddles, no kisses. Part of it is because my heart was absolutely shattered. I really loved my ex partner, genuinely believed we would get married and spend our lives laughing together forever but he decided 2 years on that a drunken hook up was worth the risk of losing me. It took a lot to get over that as he was the first person that’s ever made me feel safe, and then I wasn’t.. I’ve had lots of therapy, and I know that all men aren’t the same even if a lot are.
Really, though.. I am quite hardened now and in talking to new people I am recognising that maybe I need to be softer, but how do I be softer and still protective? Will I feel better after a few dates? Maybe after enjoying the company of a man again? People keep joking that maybe I’m a lesbian now, which I feel is insensitive and quite rude - I think women are absolutely beautiful and incredible but I don’t want to have sex with them and yet I feel men are annoying and inconvenient haha, and I want to have sex with them.. if sexuality was a choice - I know what I’d choose! 🤣