The Goose and Carrot Pub Thread

I have the impression @Lougle that your DD3 is trying to become independent (learning to drive, getting a job, meeting her friend) and her believing life will be better may be part of what's motivating her to try and move forward although its very hard to hear when you are doing everything you can. Its probably just she sees DD1 is struggling, DD2 is struggling and you and DH are run ragged doing everything you can to care for everyone and do the house but often children only see it from their point of view and all she may see is I want fun and this isn't. My DD went through a phase like that but it was the start of her really high achieving, which started with a job at 16, it seemed to motivate her and now she's through it and polite and lovely again.

It's hard when they don't see the amount of effort that goes in, isn't it?

Skylight update: it has been one of the most useful purchases I've ever made. DD1 found it tricky that some of her tasks were bedtime tasks, so upstairs, and she had to either come back downstairs (tired and painful) to tick them off, or let us do it, but then she didn't get the congratulations message. Plus, if she was in her room she couldn't see the calendar, so kept asking us. So we have put a smaller Skylight in her room which mirrors the one in the hall.

DD2 asked to buy a smaller Skylight for her room, and we haven't mirrored it, so she only has her events and tasks on her Skylight, but still has access to the calendars if she wants them.

The Skylight Plus subscription (£60 per year) can be used across all 3 Skylight devices and by anyone we invite to manage the calendars, so that's pretty cool.

Thinking of you, @roaringdragon , you could give access to the PAs so they could add to lists, etc., when they're doing things.

Yes, we’ve had that too from DD2 over DD1 - for instance, complaining that our family life was “chaotic”, because we postponed a trip to a theme park, as DD1 had a tonic clonic and needed to sleep for 3 hours afterwards!

Generally, we lived far more in a routine, because DD1’s SALT told me, we needed to; and a much tidier house; than DD2 does now! She has the most chaotic life of anyone I know!

@Lougle I get that from my DD too (and we are also awful parents who she hates) but it's more age appropriate. However, I guess it's also age appropriate for older teens/young adults even without neuro stuff in the mix.
We travel home today but have a train journey and a mooch around a city before our flight. I have not written my mum's eulogy. I don't really want to for various reasons!

@roaringdragon No, I did realise spilling hot cocoa wasn’t serious in this case; but it’s one of those things that could be. We’ve heard from DD2’s ex, that some patients don’t realise how serious their condition is!

DD3 and I had a horrible row about how awful living in our house is today. I find it really hard to draw a line between allowing her to have her feelings, but not having to listen to her tell me how much she hates living here, hates being in the same house with her sister, etc. I can cope with 'it's all really difficult' but not 'this is the worse house ever.'

Do any of you get an imposter syndrome? I watched 'Love you to Death' a couple of days ago and thought "What if I'm that woman?" What if my children don't have difficulties? What if I really am making it up, exaggerating, etc? It's all so exhausting.

DD1 woke me up this morning to ask for breakfast. She woke me up by walking in the door, then I heard her hesitant foot shuffling as she battled with whether to wait or to wake me. Impulse won, but I told her she had to wait for breakfast. Then I needed the loo and on the way past went to her room. 1 pain au chocolat, 2 toasting waffles, and a chocolate pancake had made their way to her room in the intervening 10 minutes.

@roaringdragon no, March 2028.

@drspouse it's so good that you've seen improvement.

We've been talking about adult life quite a bit what with the inheritance. We think DS would get PIP as he gets DLA but DD wouldn't. But it's hard to say what will happen between now and adulthood for her. Being quite immature for their age is typical of their profile.

@roaringdragon I saw your post for another DC about hospital appointments. It's good you can give such practical advice. Until our recent improvement - and it's only been about a month - we were wondering if surgery for epilepsy was in DS future. It's really helpful to have someone who has gone before (though different conditions).

Everybody does @roaringdragon !

Its not bad how they scored him last time, the main wrong one is budgeting where he has no capabilities and has been scored 2 but that was probably me being over optimistic that he would regain it. I would have scored him 40 then. He only has lower rate mobility but that's as he doesn't leave the house / garden so he has 10. Mobility always made me nervous as its where you hear people being prosecuted for fraud out alone and was nervous when DS starts going out he will go alone but no sign of that and was worried could trigger full review. Some of them it was quite hard to say as he was still in hospital with home visits when we applied and he regained ability to walk when applying. I wouldn't want him to have a car, his behaviour is too odd though have asked him if he would like to learn to drive / car and no reaction so appears not interested either. I would strongly prefer we accompany him if he does start going out but zero sign of that.

@roaringdragon most students go to main reception to 'collect' their LSA. They said that DD2's LSA could meet her outside her building. It just hasn't been confirmed that it is happening, or where exactly they will be. I'm sure it will be ok, but it's a bit stressful.

I'm also surprised your DS only got 35 points @Violasilkie . Looking back at DD1's, she got 27 points. Mind you, 12 is all it takes.

DD2 starts college tomorrow. I'm not quite sure where she will meet her LSA.

Poor DH has spent the entire day hoovering rockwool out of the loft. We have to empty it by next weekend and it was all completely covered.

I'm not sure exactly what DS got on what last time I know he had an impressive 35 points for daily living and there was 12 for communicating verbally which should remain and I would have thought he would have been the max of 8 on category 9 but reading not sure would have scored that much as he can read though reading was a challenging one at the time as we didn't really know whether he could or he couldn't anymore. Now he appears to read but its very selective like he will read something short he wants to but if someone gave him a note saying a bomb is about to hit, you need to move he would likely not read it and not move. He's always been odd on reading, he was one of the first to be able to read in his year group but in covid would not read anything, got me to read everything out loud. Didn't appear to be eyesight.

Just checked he scored 2 on reading, its probably either 2 or 4 but difficult as its not really a complex / simple issue more a I will ignore anything from everyone else issue.

We are in Greece again for 2 weeks. After having Covid in Crete in May, it didn’t feel like a holiday at all, as we were both wiped out for another week after we got home!

We had a year of stress with DD2 bleating on, she’d never get pregnant. Then she got pregnant first time and was totally irrational during the pregnancy; and she’s got even worse since the baby was born; I have ex on the phone to me every other week, because he can’t cope with her. We can’t foresee what is going to happen; but none of it looks good!

We are in Lesvos now, our fifth time here. Crete is beautiful, but we prefer Lesvos - it’s much quieter, we stay in a fishing village on a Gulf. The sea is just like a warm salty lake; you can walk out in it a long way, and it’s still only up to your shoulders.

DH likes it, as it a top birdwatching destination at migration in spring and autumn. I was hoping for a relaxing few days to start, after cleaning the house, because a neighbour looks after our cats; and an early morning flight yesterday.

No such luck with hyperactive DH - he was edgy to go for a walk straight after breakfast. So, we are here, in what we call a bandstand (maybe picnic spots to the Greeks), after walking in the bright sun at 28 degrees to a local river, where we see kingfishers sometimes? We saw the fire brigade sitting in a bandstand in the pine forest yesterday - it’s the only place, we ever see them. The military sit in bandstands on the coast, watching Turkey or possible migrants. We have to make ourselves scarce, when we bump into the military, as birdwatchers with binoculars are probably beyond their comprehension!

Yes, it can be serious. My great grandfather was a police surgeon. It was reported in the local paper, he had to do the post mortem on a 4 year, who had spilt hot chocolate over herself, and died a few days later. The judge (or maybe coroner) wanted to know the cause of death. My great grandfather found it was sepsis. There were no antibiotics then, so I suppose there was nothing doctors could have done, even if they did know she had sepsis.

Hello all, spotted the last thread was full.
Last full day of our holiday, DD is moaning there's nothing to do. I have suggested swimming in the lake, going to the shops as DS wants more plain paper for drawing "but I haven't got any more money", taking the dry washing down and doing her catch up maths book but apparently none of these are acceptable.
Oh also going to buy more bread for lunch. France is lovely but getting bread fresh daily is a novelty that might wear off.
DS has had a few absences but still over a month with no tonic clonic. FINGERS FIRMLY CROSSED. He does spend quite a bit of time lounging about asking wheeeeen can I have screeeeen time.

I have a manically busy few days when we get back. Mum's funeral is now next week. Inheritance tax gets more complicated and DB having been given a very large lump sum just less than 7 years ago is not helping matters. We are assuming mum thought she'd live 7 more years. Best laid plans.
I'm of the mind that we should sort out our estate sooner rather than later. I'm encouraging DH to look at the Mencap webinars.
My thought is that we buy both DCs a very small property very locally which can either be their own one bed (which DD would own outright and DS have in trust) which can either be their own residence (avoiding complications of flatmates, which only DD would really cope with) or a source of rental income. We are in a very low priced area, so this should be possible once the estate is sorted, and even if one of us dies before 7 years the other can help with IHT on the half that came from the deceased parent.

@roaringdragon I'd love to spend an afternoon in your house. I know it must be very draining when you live it, but DS1 has my heart. He's an incredibly cool guy, if you ask me.

@Violasilkie I really don't think you'll need to worry about PIP. DS is definitely not borderline in any sense.

@PurringTiger I hope you get some sleep tonight.

@NoHaudinMaWheest hopefully they'll heal fast.

Thanks @roaringdragon Yes DD had a lovely time despite the crazy flights there and back.

Just got post withdrawn as it was quite rambly.

I am a bit nervous about the renewal as no current evidence but he should very clearly be in the claim category and if it comes this year we will have evidence from the start of the year. The GP might help though its a lucky or unlucky dip of who you get but last time they were very helpful. Its quite hard to get anyone involved when DS won't cooperate or agree to anything. Though its great for getting house done not having people around and also the savings from not having cleaner is going to summerhouse fund. I do miss the cleaner though but it would have been hard for them with heat and its also easier to do work without them.

Have a lovely time away @PurringTiger

Hope op comes through soon @roaringdragon