The Goose and Carrot Pub Thread

Glad DDs burns are healing well @NoHaudinMaWheest

Thanks @Fififizz Please don't worry about replying to everyone, we often waffle on at a rapid rate, or at least I do. I am used to talking to myself at home as DD is away at uni, DS is non verbal and DH is very hard of hearing and will not wear his hearing aid, he appears to listen well but often answers different questions to one asked.

Great news about the drive @PurringTiger

More work on laundry room and hopefully DSs bathroom today though DH is still not out of bed.

Thanks for sharing my joy! I don’t know what’s happening, but it is happening rapidly.

@PurringTiger shut the barn door and turn the key! What on earth is going on with that girl??

In dog training there is a lot of talk about 'latent learning' - the concept that dogs store information and process it over time, then it all slots together, so they seem to make no progress then suddenly they're 'there'. I feel like DD2 is like that, and I wonder if your darling girl is like that, too?

It's almost as if you just have to give space for her to grow into, and you do it so very, very well.

Oh they are both so thrilled to have done a thing together. They wanted to surprise me. Shock is the word I would have used 😀

PurringTiger That is such great news and especially that it happened when you were away so you know that it was ok for you to go and recuperate.

@Lougle glad bloods have improved. I had to google ACP and one of the answers was Aluminium Composite Panel, can we be sure that the ACP wasn’t an aluminium composite panel.

Hold the front page!!! It’s been 9 years since DD has been in any form of transport no trains, cars, buses etc not once. I arrive home to be casually told that DH and DD went for a drive.

@Fififizz these threads move fast and if everyone expected an individual reply from everyone else, it can get really overwhelming if you've taken a break for a day or two. So just post as you see fit - nobody is monitoring.

@LathkillDale they took bloods which were better. Generalised tenderness. The ACP introduced himself scantly so I said "And what it an ACP?" He started to explain what an ACP was to me, and I said "I know what an ACP is, but you didn't explain to DD2, who doesn't know." He then started to explain and finished with "Like a doctor but a different training path...." I sucked my teeth a little because they're not allowed to imply that they are medically trained, but I let it go.

He didn't believe me at first when I said that nobody examined her last time. Then he looked at the clinical notes and it said "On examination: Patient sat in bed." I translated for him: "Patient was alive and breathing." He chuckled and shook his head. I also pointed out that they gave no safety netting advice.

Anyway, bloods have improved a little. ALT now down to 32, CRP holding at 19 down from 20. The ANP at the surgery felt she was Murphy's positive and had signs of cholecystitis, but he didn't find the same, and her fever had reduced. He seems to think that she should have been seen by now by the upper GI surgeons because the Gastro Consultant wrote that he would refer her in February. So he's going to refer to SAU to say she's had two admissions in a fortnight and they need to follow up. He gave us a short supply of 30/500 cocodamol.

Honestly, the best thing is for DD2 not to be in hospital if avoidable, because I have to stay, the nurses don't like that, and then I have to get stern and say "if I go, she goes", then they grumpily agree to me sleeping on the floor. It's a sharp contrast to DD1, where they only agree to admit her if I stay and use their "pleeeasee" voice as they say it!

@PurringTiger

Thank you. It just seems rude not to acknowledge posts that have kindly offered support but I know this is a very supportive place anyway and everyone understands.

Your gosling thought has made me teary. Yes, exactly, another precious gosling who’s now gone. DC discovered the trains were being cancelled yesterday as someone had been hit by a train. I think they were a bit shocked over and above the unfortunate impact on their own journey back. I couldn’t help feeling that’s another poor person who just didn’t make it in this difficult world. It happens far too frequently, I feel dreadfully sorry for the families impacted and the train driver too.

@roaringdragon Sorry to hear about your hand. Life is hard enough with disabled DC; harder still when injured!

@Lougle sorry to hear DD ended up in A & E. Did anything come of it, this time?

@PurringTiger Hopefully, the child did get some enjoyment out of their brief life, although it’s still devastating for the parents.

@Zzzzzs Could it be Covid? It’s supposed to be more like a cold or flu now in the UK?

@NoHaudinMaWheest It’s good DD’s burn is healing. Burns are so painful. I don’t know how old you are, but I do get the state pension, although DH and I both work part time as well.

Good luck to all of you with DC in the next stage of their education.

As DD1 was in specialist residential schools, we didn’t seem to have the problems many of you have had. The provision was just there; and they understood DD1 within their specialism.

I have been thinking about the child that died and his family and other people that love him. Essentially it’s the very thing we all do, trying to keep our kids alive. That is a gosling gone. That boy is in my mind because whatever his difficulties were he had a hard and short life.

@Fififizz you don’t need to individually reply and no posters will be upset if they are missed off. Lovely to have you here in the pub. Post as little or as often as you like. As for working, I have just returned after many years unable to, don’t rule it out if that’s what you want/need.

@Lougle

I do hope you’ve been seen now and things have been sorted out.

@Violasilkie

I’m sorry things have been so difficult for both you and your son. I’m glad your health has returned and you have a lovely, supportive DP. Because of my thyroid and autoimmune problems I’m on and off trying to educate myself about hormonal health and trying to improve things naturally too now as well.

@NoHaudinMaWheest

Thanks. No, they don’t see the toll it takes on us. Social care didn’t see anything needing specific support despite having police involvement, and feeling it necessary to refer me to a DV charity to go on a course! I did have early help for a bit but that wasn’t any help really. I was too busy battling on the SEND education side of things to tackle the lack of social care support.

I’m pretty mature myself and not that far off retirement age. In my head I assumed I was at some point going to return to work and resume a professional career. That didn’t happen and it feels too late now. I have found parenthood a perpetual struggle if I’m honest.

Sorry to hear about DD’s burn. Clinical grade Manuka honey can be helpful with healing/scars.

@Zzzzzs

I hope you feel better soon.

@JumpersFluffy

I don’t think I said hello and thank you for the welcome. This thread moves on quickly.

@roaringdragon

Thank you. Yes, let’s hope so and that we all get a chance to decompress. I’m not sleeping, hence the late post. I find change challenging but equally I’m so very tired and feeling flattened by everything. Constantly supporting without filling my own cup has left me completely flat and empty. I feel a bit detached and like I have no dopamine in my system.

I’m paranoid I haven’t mentioned anyone who’s mentioned me. Apologies if I haven’t. I’ll get up to speed with the thread soon.

roaringdragon that is annoying about the bite sleeve.

Thanks Dd's burns are healing well. I think one might scar - ironically the one we thought was least serious.

roaringdragon I hope the hand heals up quickly and DS1 disregulation settles.

lougle Friday night in A&E again😧 I hope it is more useful than last week.

Violasilkie good that you are moving forward with the laundry room. I am sure that having a separate room will make life much easier.

Fifififizz It seems that your Ds is coping with quite a major change. Of course what most people don't see is the effect of managing that on you.
I am older than most (everyone?) on here. I am technically retirement age but that is obviously far from the truth.

@Fififizz Threads on this board delete after 90 days which helps with the sharing and they also don't appear in active threads. Though its obviously still public.

@Zzzzzs Other short trips my DS enjoyed included taking the helicopter from Penzance to Isles of Scilly and small plane back and going to Tresco and seeing the red squirrels garden / sea / canoeing / boat trips. Also Lundy boat trip, swim with seals - he just watched and walk round island which has lots of wild animals / small cliffs / lighthouse etc so doesn't feel like just a walk. He loved Lapland with the snow, husky rides, reindeer etc though think the prices have gone up a lot and we stayed in hotel with pool with jacuzzis he loved. Isle of Skye is good for exploring in better weather. DS used to love Bath as well and we used to go there around Christmas time and there's glow in dark mini golf, trampoline place in Bristol, ice skating, hot chocolates. He used to love Premier Inns with the massive buffet breakfast. Loved aeroplanes, not too bothered about trains. Rock climbing. He tried skiing but preferred cable cars and hot chocolate but loved the snow. Used to like things like feed the penguins at zoo in Cotswold. We never went but he used to love Crystal Maze and I think that exists. Loved white water rafting and ziplines.

@roaringdragon

I’m so sorry about your hand. Glad you managed to clean it and keeping everything crossed that it doesn’t need anything more to help it heal.

We have bouts of dysregulated behaviour too but it’s more verbal and being prickly, difficult and needling. It’s all aimed at me and is partly RSD, a bit like a kind of PDA and crossed with the ‘coke bottle’ effect because I’m the ‘safe person’ but boy does it suck at times. It’s really negativity impacted my relationship with DC and myself.

I think College was tentatively ok today thanks. At least DC went back but is completely shattered now and quite subdued tonight but at least bit more amenable because of it!

Said they felt ‘off’ but has eaten dinner.

School said today seemed to go ok but they acknowledged DC is a king of masking. It’s hard to know tbh. The travelling is already a lot more and the environment, expectations etc are all a massively huge step up. I think the next few weeks will be more telling.

I can’t face putting myself through an ADHD assessment. Doing it for DC and managing their meds is enough. I also wouldn’t take meds anyway and I’m not sure adult dx leads to anything else support wise. I think if anything I’m likely AuDHD as I have ASC traits and since menopause hit my energy and ability to keep multiple things on track has disappeared except than in an emergency. Or my symptoms could be down to my autoimmune issues and ailing thyroid. HRT was a disaster for me and has generally put me off meddling. I tried lots of forms and felt like I was chasing an illusive dragon. Diet and exercise and sleep help, when I can put them in place and maintain them. I’m okay for a bit them some new form of 💩 hits the fan and I unravel again.

I’m not one for over sharing personal info but it’s very cathartic actually acknowledging all this stuff.

I do hope your hand soon feels better.

Oh @Lougle you must be shattered. I hope they see you soon.

@roaringdragon that sounds sore. The damage can be so tiring, it might heal better than a bite (small comfort I realise). Hands do have so many nerves so are painful. Is everyone well enough for you to switch off and go to bed?

Ds has perked up a bit but I am feeling faint on and off again. I think it’s a cold not anything ghastly but it’s very difficult.

I have a new plan to make a book of outings and weekend breaks or mini holidays for ds to read, so he can choose the things he’d like to do. So far I’ve thought of centre parcs, legoland, local attractions and beaches, some of his favourite bike rides, a motorhome, barge, cruise, Spain Greece Turkey Tenerife for pool hotel, skiiing? Tell me anything fun you’ve tried for one or two nights (or 5 if a bit further), we won’t do them all (or even very many) but I think he will enjoy looking at it. Maybe a train trip?

Sorry things were difficult over the summer @Fififizz I also need alone time though I get enough of that. My nervous system is always on high alert, it has been all my life, but increased past few years. Can't take HRT as had breast cancer in 2022 and have 10 years of meds which reduce the hormones further. So have to find other methods but have a lovely supportive husband which helps and my DD is at university now so its one down, one to go. I find exercise helps a lot - swimming, walking around gardens, gardening and it also reduces the risk of cancer coming back by 30% to 50% if I exercise at least 3 to 5 hours a week. I find keeping busy helps. My DS is 19 but completely out of education since 2022 when he went into hospital with catatonia and he's non verbal and non writing since then. Its sad watching everyone overtake him but he does not seem to care much and seems to just want to be home. So I work on making the house and garden as nice as I can for him - he loves flowers very much and he loves scented bath foams and doing his long hair. His sister lives life at 100mph and is the opposite - at Oxford Uni, President of her rowing club, about to lead a trip to China for a rowing competition 2 week tour, rowing every day.

@Violasilkie

Thanks for your empathy. It helps me feel less alone. I agree with distraction. Unfortunately my self support/survival system, which is pretty minimal anyway, fell apart over the long summer hols, especially with the post GCSE extra bit. I need structure, routine, peace and quiet, sleep, and alone time to regulate. As well as the menopause I strongly suspect I’m ND as well. DC and my regulation systems are polar opposite. I find my nervous system constantly on high alert now. Plus we have an RSD/PDA dynamic going on too. When I had hormones I seemed to cope much better. I tried HRT a few times but I got fed up of trying patches, gel, spray etc and never feeling great.

It sounds as though you currently have a lot on your plate distraction wise. I hope the renovations go smoothly and there’s not too much upheaval. I hope your DS is okay with the changes. My DC can be similar about change and can seemingly agree to things but actually be slower to process the true meaning.

Sorry you are back in hospital @Lougle hope its not too long a wait to be seen. Not the greatest way to be spending your Friday night again.

Sorry about your hand @roaringdragon