The Goose and Carrot Pub Thread

@roaringdragon

Yes, I’ve done that before but unfortunately now by the time you’ve had a hearing with SENDIST as it is it can all be too late. Hoping it all settles down. Also DC isn’t very amenable so you can provide the water but you can’t make him drink it!

@roaringdragon

No, not as such. The outreach staff are supposed to support in non lesson time but not sure what that looks like. In school once a week for life skills and hopefully study support. Again not sure what that involves.

I had stuff written into the EHCP about guidance and check ins but it’s not really enforceable.

Unfortunately there’s a reluctance from LA/school to add in specificity and provision due to cost and even if it’s added in whether it’s any help is debatable. Back to the budget points!

SALT was in ours but at such a basic level it was utterly pointless and only lasted a term. Once you get therapy in the plan there seems to be an attrition process to remove on the grounds of fostering independence, timetable clashes/overloading therapy yada , yada, yada. Especially as DC appears more capable.

I’m just trying to plug gaps myself now as I can’t keep fighting when the target keeps moving. Or that’s how it feels. It’s exhausting for me though. Currently trying to load a saver railcard I bought and DC can’t remember passwords and arguing at me! Just a normal day here folks. Move along, nothing more to see!

@LathkillDale
Yes, sadly it’s all about budget and cost. Unfortunately even schools with an original Charitable purpose have to be run as businesses to survive. That brings an agenda other than education unfortunately.

@Violasilkie

My DC is the same! He will not eat rather than initiate the task involved in sourcing and cooking something. Snacking is rife. I think it’s a combination of executive function struggles but also some laziness too.

I struggle with navigating when to step in and when to step back. I also struggle with weaving anything for me into the mix. I’m constantly firefighting to keep it all from going pear shaped. I’m often just think I’m rubbish at life. In my 50’s and still struggle massively. Definitely worse since my hormones vanished too!

We also have the galley kitchen here @Lougle after a huge kitchen at old house but only 3 of us here most of the time now and even when DD is back she tends to be out and about or on a different timetable so uses the kitchen at a different time when she does her own cooking. When DS does his own cooking it tends to be at a different time to us including things like 4am sausages which make the cat very jealous.

Thanks @Fififizz DS is good with a buffet type selection, prefers things separated, and I also always strategically placed bowls of fruit between DS and the TV / ipad which helped him love fruit as he was too lazy to move. One hotel buffet he ate a whole plate of raw brocolli which I never even knew he liked. Always eaten cooked but had never thought to give it raw. The crunch I guess.

Just getting a Waitrose food order mainly for DS - he loves their steak pie, chicken kievs and all their fruit and the ice cream obviously. I've got him some radish and organic carrots as well as he will snack on those but doesn't wash them. Also collecting the Topps Tiles order with the tiles for the laundry room though there's a surprising number of other things we need to be for tiling. I thought making a small laundry room could be done very cheapily but finally with the plumbing and electrics costs even with us doing everything else its not cheap but it already looks better.

I have seen every residential provision, DD1 has been in since age 10, take CYP, who are more complex and/or have behavioural problems outside their core specialism.

As the head of therapy at her first residential school said to me

Its all about bums on seats!”

They need as a minimum to break even; and that means taking the CYP, LAs find hardest to place.

All of the epilepsy provisions, she’s been in, decided to move towards taking CYP with ASD, rather than epilepsy. The three years DD1 was in FE college, all we heard about was the new building for students with autism…

Where DD1 lives now, they have decided to specialise in autism; and made one of the epilepsy specialist doctors redundant last year, so every resident could have a named nurse! That came to nothing.

All that expertise and opportunities for research will be lost and for what - to pass the extra costs back to the NHS!

@Violasilkie

I don’t know if picky plates might be helpful? I did them for DC before they were a thing. Just chopped bits and bobs that were palatable and acceptable to DC that day/week/month! I stopped feeling guilty it wasn’t home cooked food.

I’m just trying to get to grips with the College info. The info for A level PE sets out expectations and the guidelines of 5 hours independent study per week. That’s going to be 15 hours in total 😬 I know they have free periods which going forward I will only ever call study periods but for an AuDHD profile where executive function is hugely difficult plus the distractions in a big, busy College environment I just feel…. 😱

They have a member of school staff in the setting but not in the classroom to give ‘support’ in unstructured time. I’m now off to load the College app and look at have a look at the weekly homework schedule. When I heard ‘I’m bored’ yesterday I mentioned the homework and was told ‘I don’t know where it is’. So much for me stepping back….! 🙈

@Violasilkie DD3 is most able in that department but our kitchen is a tiny galley kitchen so it really doesn't work for people to be getting their own meals.

Well done on getting all that done @Lougle. Can the girls cook themselves at all? Though that could work for DD3 and veggie but specialist diets may be harder. I suspect DD1 would adopt DSs all the things you can't eat on a gallstone diet.

@JumpersFluffy DD3 would have my guts for garters! She abhors AI (and I'm not a big fan myself, although I see that we're all being pushed into it by Google searches giving an AI summary before the search results).

I did consider learning Kotlin so that I could build my own app without an AI tool, but I don't have the time (or rather the time it would take would exceed the usefulness) and I have a cross-stitch project that is more appealing tonight!

We spent the day clearing the loft. It was a massive task but it's done ready for the insulation team on Wednesday. We have a surveyor and a contractor coming on Monday morning because when the cavity wall insulation was done they identified a DPC breach, so they are planning to dig a ditch away from the wall to reduce the rising damp, apparently. We've also got all the stuff from the outhouse under a gazebo because they want to come back and finish the cavity wall insulation. It's all a bit chaotic!

@roaringdragon

I haven’t followed it closely.

The new AP wasn’t widely mentioned in school and is located elsewhere.

Times being as they are everywhere is having to explore additional income streams but for us schooling hasn’t been the experience hoped it would be and I think this is for the reasons you alluded to.

@Lougle

I empathise with the cooking. Not dealing with as many people or requirements but DC has food aversions and it definitely makes it harder and somehow saps the pleasure out of cooking. It becomes less creative and satisfying and much more about logistics and functionality if that makes any sense?

Would @Lougle using an AI tool like Claude or ChatGBT help with the menu planning with different dietery needs? I’ve found it useful for ideas for that sort of thing as I often have 3 or 4 different meals consumed here as everyone has different needs / tastes between gluten free, sensory & training needs & evening meals eaten between 5-10pm due to all our different schedules. I hope DD2 feels bit better with modified diet, I had my GB removed 10yrs ago I had to eat lower fat and no spicy foods mostly. I don’t drink any alcohol now either as it just caused me lots of stomach issues and I’m now gluten free which has really helped.

Well done @Violasilkie . It's good that DS can see that you're being helpful rather than disrupting his peace.

@roaringdragon I used to love cooking and in the last few years I've come to dread it a bit. What with DD1 and her eating disorder, then DD3's obsession with even numbers of things on her plate, eating finger foods with chopsticks, etc., DD2 and DD3 having sensory/texture/taste issues with the food each other can accept, DD3 adopting vegetarianism, and DD1 & DD2 needing to lose weight whilst DD3 needs to gain weight... It's not fun anymore.

The gallstone diet would be the stuff of nightmares for DS though my DD is vegetarian as well and think it would be easy for her.

Have spent 3 hours deep cleaning got in DSs bathroom and did that including pulling out drier, cleaning it and all pipes/tiles etc, DS puts soil down there and ice cream wrappers etc and there was kitchen / utility floors / upstairs bathroom light cleaning as well. DS was a bit heavy door opening at first about me cleaning but then when he saw I had pulled the drier out he was much better. Think he then knew why it was taking so long and door was being opened very gently.

@roaringdragon

Yes, you’re spot on. We discussed type of placement and you put me right. It’s not wholly independent and so they can be made or strongly persuaded to admit. Imo the cohort has changed with pupils who require specialist support but don’t fully fit the school’s given profile. It’s all very difficult and parents of SEN children do become desperate because of the shortage of specialist school placements.

Yes, familiar with forced appeals and tactical delays to save provision costs. Unfortunately the proposed reforms are likely to embolden this behaviour.

I can't see how it can improve. Even if every decision went against them, think of the savings in having a pending tribunal rather than having to assess/provide.

A surgeon phoned re. DD2. They want her to go on the gallstones diet. So Gastro want DD1 on the FODMAP, once the dietician is on board. The upper GI want DD2 on the gallstone diet, and DD3 is vegetarian. Perhaps we should just eat a lettuce leaf once a day.

@roaringdragon

** I think it is less about your DD being in residential schools and more about time. The SEN landscape very is different to even a few years ago. Far more hostile. Far more adversarial. Look at the demand for SENDIST. They are inundated. Oral HDs are being listed for Spring 2028. Look at the demand for pre-action letters. It has never been so difficult to find someone with a legal aid contract with capacity to take on the case. LAs have become hardened to JR threats. The threat doesn’t hold to power it once did. Look at the number of LGO cases and how the LGO won’t look at circumstances they previously have done.

This is so validating to read and one hundred percent our experience. It’s a very hostile and difficult landscape. Even the hard won specialist placement has been an ongoing issue. They’re up against it all in their own ways and of course it massively impacts things.

I am not looking forward to telling DS!

@roaringdragon Imo, I was lucky. DD1 got a different SW in FE college. He had been third from the top in SS, but took a step back after illness. He told me once, he preferred to talk to me, than have their legal department talk to my lawyers. I had had several attempts at JR over social care at that time. I got the feeling, if he asked for provisions for DD1, he got them! He told me DD1 had the most severe epilepsy in our district.

At that time, FE colleges were all about three year courses. SS asked if DD1 could have a fourth year there, even though I’d said no - it was all I could do to get DD1 to finish her third year, with a big bribe!

I also think, he would have agreed whatever specialist epilepsy placement I wanted after FE college, but by then NHS CHC funding had been agreed, so we were dealing with the CCG instead. (After a two battle to find out from the Sec of State for Health then NHS England, which CCG was responsible for DD!)

DS has got a paper hearing date mid Oct - Nov over the refusal to assess.

@PurringTiger That's very organised of you. We have DDs 21st before Christmas so not really planning Christmas yet. In theory we get new shed end of October but that date is subject to change to later. Then we currently think as long as money available we will get electrics installed and do insulation ourselves weather permitting as well. Then maybe paint the inside wood lining. Though will see how it goes, from conversation - well me talking to DS - he seemed fine with new shed but just wants ownership asap. I think what he would most like would be electrics adding and then our small freezer moving full of ice cream. I don't think he's that keen on us painting, insulation or decorations. Though he would appreciate it when its painted. Decorations like fairy lights last year he threw out but he seemed to love the rug, small cabinet decorated with flowers and the big cushions. Beanbag chair was kept but not used, the cat has adopted that but it may have been a space issue before so may retry that, cat permitting. He used to love our little Christmas tree but see what mood he is in. He loves when work is finished and it motivates him to do more things but he doesn't like when work is being done though if we pre warn he's fine as then he moves elsewhere.

@Violasilkie that made me chuckle as DH often answers a different question to the one that is asked and he is not hard of hearing. Have you started thinking about Christmas yet? I’m buying tiny things for the advent already. Will you put a tiny tree in the new shed?