The Goose and Carrot Pub Thread

@roaringdragon If after an annual review, (when various new diagnoses have been made by an independent body), the LA decides to amend the EHC plan, I know the parents get at least 15 calendar days to make their representatives per the SEN code of practice. Can the parents ask for extensions, and if so, for how many days and how many extensions? (This is not about DGD)

@roaringdragon

Well done on all your hard work and everything crossed the tutor is still available for starting.

@Violasilkie

You are making roaring progress with your renovations.

@MumofMaskers

keep going and trusting your gut instincts about things and definitely be as proactive as you possibly can be in getting what you know your DC need.

DC didn’t have a good day yesterday. Not enjoying one subject at all, dislikes the tutor as well. The class were kept behind for something and it messed up DC transport. Not home till much later so not happy and transfers all their emotion onto me. It’s like being hit by a freight train. I’m utterly exhausted but need to try let DC resolve this. DC wanted to go into school to speak to teachers but they want DC in College. I fear there’s an agenda as usual. Really hoping there’s an alternative subject DC can choose as it all feels quite precarious currently.

@Violasilkie very exciting and how wonderful that DS is showing signs of approval.

@roaringdragon that's amazing! It doesn't matter how hard to LA tries, you'll always come up on top because you have a laser focus. I hope she's free when the funding comes through.

I wrote a firm email to DD3's tutor who said that he'd deal with it straight away. It's not on.

DD2 has been in tears tonight. She's still in a lot of pain and we haven't got the medicine yet. She's panicking about having to repeat the year because she's missed college. Even though she's feeling really poorly, as soon as the teacher posted the worksheet to Google classroom at lunch time, DD2 completed it. I encouraged her to write an email to her tutor to tell her she's really worried that she has missed college and that she really wants to be there and has done the work. I'm hoping that the tutor will be encouraging. Apparently she told the students that even if they thought they were getting a cold they shouldn't attend (at the same time as emphasising that they require 80% attendance to progress to the next level). I'm pretty sure that even if we think it was non-infectious, they wouldn't have thanked DD2 for attending a few hours after vomiting several times.

That's a really odd thing for the staff member to have done @Lougle! If it was meant to be a joke it wasn't really a very good one!

You can definitely contact the prospective schools @MumofMaskers and you can tell them that they are not your first choice (because the letter from the LA often insinuates that they are) and that they may not have the complete picture. You can show them your EP report. Did the LA do their own EP?

That sounds really positive for the house and whirlpool bath @Violasilkie.

Fingers crossed @roaringdragon for her still being available when you need her!

Jacuzzi bath ordered. Poor DH I was like an over excited child going should I order it now about 20 times and he finally laughed and said go on then. I think DS really wants it as he's leaving his bathroom door open all the time for me to go in and do cleaning / work on it.

Just more house things. Worktop has been made today and radius corner cut and we should be able to collect tomorrow. Provisional date being set with electrician and work agreed. Laundry room has been painted a second time and now ready for floor tiling. Downstairs bathroom has been cleaned more, trying to do all the tiles, grout, ceiling, floors and walls and its very nearly finished then I can start painting once we buy more paint and jif. Have phoned the whirlpool bath selling company and got information from them and think we know what we will order now though DH is wanting me to wait before ordering. I want to order now as its 4 weeks for it to be made and DS also seems keen leaving his bathroom wide open again.

And @drspouse thanks for the advice re choices - I will try that. My son really struggles with this.

Thank you @Lougle I know you're right - I need to toughen up and not get so stressed at every call or email as there's going to be a lot more to come and then will have to do it all again for my son. I am trying to remind myself it's not personal. I think Mondays are the worst at the moment with a long week stretching ahead - I'm pretty isolated.

@MumofMaskers try not to get disheartened. See it as a game of chess. They make their moves and you make yours. You have the advantage because you know your children and you can advocate for them. All they can advocate for is their budget. Unfortunately for them, the law focuses on the needs of the child, not their budget line.

I'm a bit frustrated this afternoon. I've spent several days having phone calls and emails about DD3 and her friendship. All focus has been on "we must stop DD3 from feeling that she is responsible for X's wellbeing." Today x had a tricky time and a staff member called to DD3 and asked if there was anything she could do to resolve the situation and perhaps she could threaten to withdraw a favour she was doing for the friend that day. DD3 says she wasn't entirely sure if she was being serious because she sort of laughed afterwards. It's just so inappropriate, especially as they're working on DD3 feeling too responsible for other students.

Well yes it sounds like they will be removing all professional evidence and just keeping in the very weak LA EP recommendations. So I should contract the schools prospectively and give them the full picture?

@MumofMaskers I do something with my DCs which is similar to how I make choices myself. If they are unable to decide (whether it's control, anxiety, not sure) but a choice has to be made (e.g. going to one activity or another, they have coped with both before, I genuinely don't mind and I think they will be happy if they do one), I say "if you can't decide, I'll decide on X" and then see how they react to that. If it's myself I start to carry on the path to X and see how it makes me feel - was it really the right choice - if the DC then I see if they are acting as if it was the right choice for them.
Being paralysed by choice is hard to get out of, but this somehow also provides a way of saving face for them (e.g. no, I don't want to switch to drums instead of guitar now you've said that, or yes, what a relief, I'd much rather switch but couldn't make the choice myself).

It's been a morning of horrible phone calls - every time I have this it leaves me feeling so stressed and anxious. We had the initial contact about my daughters draft EHCP which is coming later this week, they said they're naming the second most local mainstream, a catholic school (not suitable for us for a start) as our closest was the first one we pulled her out of. They are have 'ratified' our independent EP report and are rejecting it, so none of that will be in her EHCP. I knew it would be a fight but my heart sinks. Can't cope and it's only Monday afternoon, everyone is climbing the walls and I just want to hide.

@roaringdragon I hope the DN are helpful.

@JumpersFluffy maybe we do need a more detailed diary. We had been following the very low fat diet last week, and yesterday she only ate 2 spoonfuls of rice crispies and the centre section of a quarter of a small supermarket quiche. No pastry. The doctor was lovely today, checked her over and prescribed more Diclofenac. The Cocodamol isn't very effective and the side effects aren't great, so we're going to avoid it if we can.

Sorry missed the update on DS1 @roaringdragon that’s not nice poor DS1 I hope the nursing team can help & it doesn’t spread.

Sorry you have had a difficult morning @MumofMaskers such a lot to juggle. Is a forest school environment something that would suit either of the children? My DD responded to that when unable to access a classroom. But I had the usual it was a shorterm “fix” and when she appeared to “cope” they removed it.

@Lougle really hope the GP can help. Is keeping a food diary helpful to identify triggers? Not that you have time to juggle so many different demands but would DD2 be able to? I had a year of gall bladder attacks before I had it removed & it wasn’t always obvious what triggered it but a build up of small things did.

Monday morn has been positive so far with DD2 but DD1 is full of head cold post her holiday so I’m expecting that to go round the rest of us now plus geez it’s hot today 24c plus humidity I’m melting this afternoon.

@MumofMaskers sorry the morning was so tough. With DD2 (in year 10), one day she turned to us and hissed "You are keeping me here against my will." At that point the year head looked at me and said "Stop. Just stop trying to bring her. It isn't working." That was her last day in mainstream.

Can they formulate a care plan for it? Once she's crying in pain the pain relief won't work as well. They need to be giving it regularly, regardless of whether she complains because then it will build up to an effective level. I don't think it's disability discrimination but it is neglect.

@PurringTiger not in hospital but she vomited for a couple of hours overnight and had a vasovagal episode. I have a GP appointment for her at 12pm. She's lost 2.5kg in a fortnight.

@PurringTiger This morning was mixed, he was really distressed and saying he didn't want to go and after trying for a while (there was a lot of screaming in the playground and attempting to escape) I said fine let's go - but when the gate was opened he decided to go back in. Very much needing that control/choice. He managed to reluctantly separate from me with the member of staff he's assigned to for soft starts and stayed with her for 20 minutes - that was all I could do as I had my daughter with me and she has tutoring at 09.30. They said the usual - he's fine once you've gone, he had a nice time but they don't see the cost. It also turns out the member of staff who is supporting him is basically doing it on good will and doesn't really have time - she isn't even supposed to be working on Mondays and Tuesdays. I had an email from the school at the end of last week basically confirming there is no available member of staff so after this morning I have now gone back and requested that we need to look at AP. I know they will say no to this though.

Am also meant to be getting my daughter's draft EHCP today, and have now had an email about her AP, they're basically proposing 15 hours of education at an AP for children out of school, but it just sounds like more school. Sigh.

@MumofMaskers how did it go today?

@Lougle hope you are home and not A&E

@PurringTiger IMO, the thing that’s missing is that when she has hurt herself after a drop attack, they don’t give her regular pain relief. She will complain to us and them about the pain, but rarely asks for painkillers. I’m not sure she can remember what they are, until someone prompts her memory, by asking if she wants them?

A & E told them a few weeks ago, when she had a broken rib, to give her cocadamol; and they told the care staff again on Saturday to give her regular pain relief. (After we had asked them to take her to A & E, because she was white with pain, when we talked to her).

GP in the family has said before, it’s disability discrimination, because she hasn’t the language to insist on pain relief! I suppose it’s another thing to discuss on Tuesday with the consultant!