The Goose and Carrot Pub Thread

It's very unclear, isn't it? I've raised it as a query on the journal already, unfortunately. I'd rather have a record of their decision either way, and then if it is decided she should have been on the lower rate I can challenge it if/when a situation arises.

Honestly, I haven't had anything about the decision to award LCWRA in writing until today. I only got told she was in the ESA support group verbally by phone a few weeks ago when I got a vague letter that said a change had occurred and they still couldn't pay money for ESA because it was credits only.

She has zero impulse control - she says "it just told me to take it". Wants to buy something in every shop. Had a full blown tantrum when out browsing with DH in the summer because YOU DON'T KNOW HOW SHOPPING WORKS.
Still taking money from us, can't remember if I said but she was putting it on her lunch account to buy extra food for a school friend.

@drspouse that sounds really hard. No wonder you're exhausted. Does DD find it hard to understand that things aren't hers, or is it just an impulse control override?

Really really difficult evening with both DCs yesterday. DD very reactive and hurt by DS because he got very excited by her screaming and then by me as I told her to come upstairs with me, she wouldn't listen so I had to physically remove her.
She was then hurting me as I wouldn't leave her to go to bed in a bed full of chocolate she'd taken from DH T1 diabetes stash and in her school clothes.
I am exhausted this morning though WFH and have only short urgent tasks plus a couple of tasks with a long deadline that I can plough through.

@roaringdragon DD2 has just had an update on her Universal Credit account to reflect the LCWRA award that has transferred from ESA credits only. She's been awarded the higher rate of LCWRA. Do you think this is a mistake? When we talked before, you said that even though her disability was declared before the change, the fact that her assessment was after the change meant she'd get the lower amount. If it's a mistake, I'll contact them, but I wondered if there has been an update or clarification of the rules that I've missed.

@roaringdragon i was saying to DM today how wonderfully accessible things are as we took in her food shop and 2 packages. Cake through a car window is up there.

@Lougle that is big for DD2 and her empathy is beautiful. Have you watched The Pitt? As a GA fan I think it might be worth a watch.

@NoHaudinMaWheest inclusivity at its best for DS. A theatrical bravo!

Traction on study for DD the laptop was opened, that is the biggest hurdle, work will follow or not. Late night and travelling for work v v early for me.

@NoHaudinMaWheest hooray for small but vital parts. It's so nice to hear.

@roaringdragon coffee and cake can make all the difference, can't it?

It is nice to see the glimmers of social motivation in DD2. It feels like the scene from Castaway, when Chuck Noland is learning to start a fire by rubbing the two pieces of wood together. So many false starts, hands stabbed on broken wood, etc. I keep reminding myself that tolerating someone sitting beside her, and knowing her name, is a tiny but important step. She also told me, with some empathy, that she thought the girl was struggling a bit.

yes roaringdragon grab those opportunities when you can.

lougle Dds 2 & 3 seem to be managing quite well in the circumstances. Good news about the rowing club and DofE.

Ds's drama group have been great about enabling him to have a part in this year's pantomime. He has really wanted to act as opposed to just doing back stage but rehearsals are 4x a week from now until December and there is no way he can manage that and work. He explained the dilemma to the director and she has made a plan which means that he only has to do one rehearsal a week at least until a week or two before. It is only a small part but he is delighted.

@LathkillDale is it rude to be glad that someone else has ridiculous conversations?

Your house is a full time job @Violasilkie ! Well done.

@drspouse yes, I think we mould our lives so much that we don't realise how different they are until people ask utterly crazy questions that are really quite ordinary!

The canoe club leader has kindly said that DD3 can do her physical section of the silver D of E award with them. She went to the boat show today and came home saying she thinks she's a thief! There were lots of stalls with freebies and bags, etc.,but she took a bag from a shelf then it's occurred to her that maybe that stuff wasn't part of the giveaway. I've offered to track down the merchandiser but she says it's not that deep! I'm throughly confused. She's absolutely not someone that would steal (and in fact gave away some of her haul to some kids who hadn't managed to pick up as much stuff) so it's a genuine error if it turns out to be one.

DD2 managed to go to college today and told me that she had sat next to another student in class. Well, she sat next to DD2 and she didn't move away, so progress!

DD1 has been very labile in her mood over the last few days. I think it's her medication change. It's so hard for her to have no plan in place. I have a meeting next week with the SW and Psychologist to talk about what sort of social care provision she might need.

I've finally got a registration number for DD2's car, so hopefully it might be here by early October.

Finished floor tiles all down in laundry room on Monday. Then Tuesday DH got DDs things from Oxford and she has gone off to China for 2 weeks and we return the things to her new room after that. I hoovered all upstairs and cleaned upstairs bathroom, the cat is now back in fluffing mode so upstairs is done.

Then we have electrician in tomorrow so today DH and I have done 3.5 hours downstairs - DH grouted the floor of the laundry room so that room is ready for electrician tomorrow. I cleaned the kitchen so its ready. Then I cleaned DSs bathroom and finished the first coat of paint on the walls and ceiling of all the bathroom and its quite thick paint so looks pretty finished already. I cleared the rubbish DS had left, mainly fruit. I then went in DSs bathroom cupboard and have given a clean to it and a first coat of paint to about half of it. Found some wintery sheets and pillowcase he hadn't used so put those on to wash as he'd left them on the floor and those are done now and means don't need to buy him one. I am painting the shelves in there too as they are older shelfs. And also cleaned again behind washing machine and tumble drier. DS did leave bathroom wide open for me to do work though after 3.5 hours he was opening the door like I want my bathroom back now so I stopped then. Also I cleaned after DHs in laundry room, and got him to throw out his rubbish from it though some is apparently waiting for the next bin. DH was commenting on how slow he is compared to me but DH is very much the perfectionist and can get stuck on things if not perfect whereas I just do things quickly and find workarounds. But DH is useful for when we need things done perfectly. I never think its worth it with DS as he's like an elephant/wild pig using things.

DH has signed us both up for helping at the vineyard on Saturday picking the grapes as volunteers but we get lunch and drinks and its just to early afternoon.

Yes, it would. Conversation with DD1 can be a Kafkaesque experience sometimes. Last night, we had a roast dinner - her favourite! At bedtime, she asked for more food. Given she needs to lose weight, I offered her popcorn, as a low calorie snack. She called me a stupid woman, because nobody eats popcorn for breakfast! We explained several times, we eat breakfast after we get up on Wednesday morning, not at bedtime. She just told me, I was a fucking idiot, a freak, stupid popcorn woman….etc!

I can only assume, it was another example of her sketchy grasp of word meanings?

It wasn't the easiest assessment because she was fixated on DD2's inability to cope with change and I had to keep saying "Well we make sure there isn't change but she wouldn't cope well if there was."
This sounds like DS DLA form when younger - he didn't go to any extracurricular activities so it was hard to say what help he needed when going to extracurricular activities. We kind of put in everything we did to help him with anything and worked out how it would apply to extracurriculars. Also, some of the things we wrote about he did at home (e.g. art/crafts) and the help he needed wasn't just social-based.
We've been keeping DS screen time as low as we can and yesterday he had only 15 mins left at about 7pm, so he watched a couple of short children's programmes and then said "bedtime" and we said "no, it isn't, you can stay up, you just can't watch TV" so he sat on the sofa copying a magazine cover for about half an hour while I did some sewing and DH tried to get to grips with my DM's estate. It was very calming.

@LathkillDale DD1's assessment was paper based. She scored 0 points then it just says "Because eating disorder". It still makes me laugh now at how thorough it is!

With DD2, she came on camera long enough to confirm that she didn't want to talk to them, thanks, and then I answered the questions. It wasn't the easiest assessment because she was fixated on DD2's inability to cope with change and I had to keep saying "Well we make sure there isn't change but she wouldn't cope well if there was." She said she had what she needed though.

DD3, I guess, will depend on whether they understand that she's ok as long as there's no likelihood of seeing anyone she might recognise or who reminds her of someone she recognises, which isn't an easy bar to get over. The trouble with DD3 is that she looks fine until she isn't. Seeing her at the local FE college visit really highlighted that. She was pale and avoiding eye contact and unable to talk except for one word answers. Even though we only saw about 10 people in the entire visit, she was scanning for threat the whole time.

It's not easy, is it?

What makes me so cross is the annual allowance of £3,600 for those not working. So if you had the chance as a carer to put more in your pension to benefit from the compound interest you can’t so tough luck. It leaves women potentially very vulnerable to abuse.

DD1 was always assessed for ESA, just on the papers. She never had a WCA. Likewise, when she migrated to UC.

DH has a SIPP, so we should have enough to live on, up to the age of 90 - but I doubt either of us would live that long anyway. We haven’t started drawing on it yet, because we are both still working part time and the state pension helps. The longer he leaves it to accumulate the better. However, I am acutely aware that pensions are a shit show for many carers.

@Lougle i worry about the future way too much. It’s a thin line between having a small private pension and losing access to pension credit and that gateway. The c£45k pa for a ‘comfortable’ retirement is way out of reach for most of the population. I expect 90% of people are flapping!

No joy with studying yet….

I've managed to get through to the DWP, who put me through to the Health Advisory Assessment Service. Apparently, she has 'moved on to the next stage' and we'll get a letter with an appointment soon. If she had been selected for a face to face assessment, they could have booked it in, but she's been assigned telephone/video assessment.

DD3 still hasn't heard anything about a work capability assessment for her credits only ESA claim. I don't know if that's normal or if I need to chase it.

Do any of you worry about your retirement/future? I've barely worked due to the children's needs and I worry that if I am ever in a position to work I'll be an unattractive candidate. It's a bit sad.