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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Original poster

IEP meeting -felt my opinions not wanted.

37 replies

Szyslak · 16/09/2008 16:39

My DS2 (5yrs) was just given an IEP at the end of last term. It was sent home for consultation and to be signed. I had some views about some of the targets so wrote a letter to the SENCo with my opinions of the targets and their suitability (I am an EP), for discussion.

We had a meeting today where the SENCo told me that 'I was in a parent role now' and that my comments made her feel that |i was questioning her professionalism.

I explained that I had every confidence in her (I do,) but that I thought that comments and consultation were welcomed from parents.

She kept repeating 'you are the parent here', I sadi I was, but that I couldn't pretend not to have thr knowledge that I do have, I am a parent with some some expertise.

I now feel crap, I feel I should have just played ignorant, kept my opnion to myself, signed the IEP without question like most parents do.

Now they think I'm up my own arse, and I'm going to be a royal pain in the neck.(being up your arse would give you a a pain in the neck).

If I'm honest I'm also upset as they now don't like me.

Should- I have just kept quiet?
Should you just play along and be grateful?

Parent consultaion, parent partnership, my arse.

OP posts:
jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 16/09/2008 17:16

You don't need to sign the EP for her to work with your ds2.

IME parents aren't particularly passive, far from it.

hecate · 16/09/2008 17:14

Bugger her. If there's one thing I have learned it is that you can't be concerned with whether they like you or not, only that they do what you want them to do. Anything else is a bonus.

Tell it to her straight.

Passive parents get screwed. ime.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 16/09/2008 17:14

I have always written detailed comments.

Mainstream school was always very defensive (totally did my head in). Special school has been far more open to parent input (indeed values it).

Sounds as if the issues are hers. Just continue to give your opinion. She'll have to deal with her insecurities.

Original poster
Szyslak · 16/09/2008 17:12

Hmmm, I think quoting the code of practice at her may just exacerbate the situation.

But that is what I wanted to say!!!!

She does seem a good SENCo, it's a good school. I think she was just very defensive, which I can understand, but the phrease 'you are the parent' was missing the just she really wanted to put in there.

She wants me to leave all my knowledge at the door and be passive like many parents are.

She also said 'I didn't know whether to work with DS2 this week as you had not signed the IEP' and 'if I have to keep meeting with you it will take time away from DS2' I did feel vaguely threatened that my 'uncooperativness' would jepordise DS's support.

OP posts:
Hassled · 16/09/2008 17:06

Maybe a full and frank discussion is needed? If your DD is only 5 I'm assuming that this woman will be her SENCo for at least another couple of years, so it might be worth another meeting where you talk about how you understand the relationship might be awkward given your expertise but that you really value her input etc.

hecate · 16/09/2008 17:05

That is wrong. The SEN Code of Practice actually has a huge section about the importance of the parental input and how seriously it should be taken. I suggest you quote that at her!

dustystar · 16/09/2008 17:03

You may be in the parent role but you have every right to comment on the targets in the IEP. You may have to be careful how you phrase things but I think it sounds as though she has an issue with you being a professional and your knowledge makes her uneasy.

Original poster
Szyslak · 16/09/2008 16:56

That proably is how she felt Hassled.

This is going to be a tricky one for me to negotaite, I need to find a balance between being able to express my views without having to pretend I have less knowledge than I do, whilst not looking like I'm telling her how to do her job.

God, is that going to be possible? I'm going to need the tact of....something really tactful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Szyslak · 16/09/2008 16:52

I did write quite a long letter of comments.

But I am not demanding (did not request extra help, quite happy witt amount of help offerd) I am not aggressive, I am not at school all the time ( I think the SENco thought I was going to be, I had to assure her that a Dec reveiew was fine.)

I feel like I've been silenced. But I object to the idea that 'being a parent' means ignorance, and an unquestioning attitude to what they do.

Why am I so botherd about them liking me? I need to get over that, quick.

OP posts:
Hassled · 16/09/2008 16:48

I agree that of course you should make your views re the IEP known, but can also understand why the SENCo felt a bit defensive; you're going to have to be very careful not to be seen to be telling her how to do her job (not that I'm implying that's what you were doing) if you're to maintain a good relationship.

welshdeb · 16/09/2008 16:43

What a crap response.
So if your dc had an accident or ilness and you were a medical practitioner she would expect you not to try to diagnose/ help your child because " you are the parent" not a professional.

southeastastra · 16/09/2008 16:41

my son has an iep and i certainly don't ever 'just sign the form without question'.

they always seems happy to answer all my questions though.

so no don't keep quiet do what you feel is best