IEP meeting -felt my opinions not wanted.

But did you refer to your job at any point in your letter expressing your views about the IEP? Because if you did, I think it is perfectly reasonable for the SENCO to refer to it during your meeting! Obviously I do not know the details of your child's IEP targets, but presumably they have been set after discussion with the class teacher and therefore will have some relevance to what they, in their professional opinion, believe is required at the moment? Sometimes, the parent, whether 'in the job' or not, is just too close to the situation. I know there have been several parents at the school where I work who have failed to pick up on their own child's difficulties until they have been pointed out. I do agree that you are entitled to make your views known, but I wonder if the comment about you being in a parental role was made just as a response to what you wrote/the tone of your letter?

Szyslak - I think romy's analogy of the child was a good one - if you can see the way Senco behaved as analogous to office politics - that irritating as it may be, sometimes you can't just rely on fairness and justice -and that a bit of arse licking unfortunately may be what's called for. Agree with Candlewax about it being useful to have things written down in case of problems later on.

you can have your power struggle (like i said, it's all about control ), just the actual front line 'cut and thrust' has to initially be carried out with you playing the deferential role in this situation, to allow yourself to retain the control necessary to get the optimal outcome.
fwiw, this approach then allows you to set up a real parent partnership over time, and the termly meeting becomes the 'official' typewritten aspect of the day to day working relationship, and the record of the joint decisions you have all been making during the rest of the term. it is a shame that parents have to work so hard not to cross any invisible boundaries, but unfortunately it is often the only way to build a harmonious relationship. it does get easier, and eventually once they realise you aren't a 'threat', they relax a bit and you can start a real partnership relationship, in a less deferential manner. think of it as you professionally meeting a child with issues for the first time, and needing to build his trust to find out what's really going on in his head - you wouldn't go in with a list of demands and rules that he has to adopt immediately, as you know it would be instantly counter productive. just think of the teacher as a professional challenge if that helps
the other option of course, is even harder work, and you can start saving for the tribunal now lol. although goodness only knows how they'd untangle that particular row, with an EP parent against the LEA...
take a deep deep breath, and hope it all goes well from here...
with a rational head on though, it must be really interesting for you to feel how other parents feel when dealing with profs who refuse to listen lol...

Never ever be wary of putting things in writing. A paper trail in years to come could be very useful if your DS needs a Statement and you need evidence to back it up. Every letter should be filed in your DS's file and a copy sent to the LEA for their file. In years to come it could be very helpful and supportive to your DS.

Just read all the thread and see that Romy suggested the same thing!! You must think I am mad!

IT is a tough one, very familiar with IEPs, EPs and teachers. This is a school where they do not want, nor are used to being personally accountable and like to assume everything is rosy because results are high.
You deserve better but it is important to get along although do not be fearful of creating a high profile. Things will be done for your ds because of it.
So........ I would write a letter, very sweetly and politely, readdressing the situation.
Say that you did not mean for your comments to be inflammatory,
things are off to a bad start but lets rectify them quickly,
you find it tricky being in both camps,
they are doing a fab job (repeat this several times).
you know that you are a parent but cannot "lose" professional knowledge,
both sides can gain professional knowledge from this situation,
you feel bad about the meeting
and that working together is paramount.
Copy in class teacher and head.

I think you are in a fantastic position. I would love to have that expertise when dealing with the teacher. I think she will feel pressure to always perform well too which can only be a good thing.

Agree with Romy about sugar coating your views!

I think that IF she was a professional, she would not be intimidated, she'd welcome and value the input. The fact that it's made her feel threatened tells me she obviously doesn't feel competent herself. She's 'projecting'

sorry- even if the mother is an ed psych

Sorry - she's a professional. She should be able to cope with a letter from a mother - even if the EP is an ed psych. you should not have to worry about her insecurities.

Be polite, but continue to communicate in a way that suits you. I think for an EP reveiw type thing written is a much better form of expression. Then everyone has an accurate record.

FWIW I work in autism research and my son is autistic. I don't expect people to be unable to deal with me because of my day job.

Maybe you did make her feel under pressure. I work with a couple of kids whose parents are head teachers and it is intimidating. If it's the first IEP everyone needs to build a good working relationship and get to know each other. It all takes time. You know your child, but she does not know him that well yet.

Yes, I remember writing a letter to the head in the middle of some quite awful problems at my kids old school - including demanding that ds did a half day so that the lea funding would cover everything and the school didn't have to put any money into his lsa hours!!! and regularly having ds1 babysat in the school office while his LSA - paid for by the lea! was photocopying for the teacher, or doing some work with a small group of kids

I think the most complimentary thing I said was that she was dictatorial

oh, and i do write letters if all else fails quite snippy ones...
but as a mother, they generally assume you can't write anyway, so it's best not to needle them unless absolutely necessary...

just keep smiling. i find it works really well to discuss face to face - there's something about a letter that smacks 'i'm putting this in writing so that you can't ignore it'

IEPs here are always sent home to parents with a letter inviting parents to come in and talk about them with the SENCO if they want to.

If you had a problem with any of the targets then you absolutely did the right thing in bringing it to the attention of the SENCO.

Sod the lot of them.