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Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Original poster

Son (reception class) suspended for 2.5 days

29 replies

strugglingparent1 · 02/04/2025 13:06

Hello,

my son (reception class) has been suspended for 2.5 days yesterday.

He was unhappy about something in the classroom and threw chairs over.

He was then led to another classroom to calm down, where he kicked the teacher and slapped her face. I know this is completely unacceptable.

My son is on the SEND register and we're awaiting a referral to an educational psychologist for autism assessment.

The school has worked together with me before in form of a behavioural book and they were teaching him strategies how to remain calm when upset.

They also put other measures in place, like a timer etc.

This has worked quite well for almost 2 months, but in the last 2 weeks he has had terrible meltdowns.

I know that my son's behaviour can be very challenging and I made it clear to him that violence is unacceptable.

I am unhappy with the school for different reasons, these are:

  • in the first meeting with me last year the headteacher was ranting that my son was the most extreme child he met in the last 30 years of his career. He also said it is my son's choice to act badly (this was backed up by the SENDco in the meeting, who didn't want to contradict him)
  • the school failed to inform me on 2 occasions when my son was attacked by another child in school. This only changed after I complained, they then informed me of 2 more occasions after that when my child was attacked by the same child.
  • my son informed me of another occasion when he was hit by another child in afterschool club. As I wasn't informed by school about this, I emailed the school about it. The afterschool club lady then told me that she never saw this incident. I never received a reply to my email from school. When I followed up this email with a second email asking the school to keep an eye on my son and this child, I also didn't receive a reply. When I mentioned this in the meeting yesterday, the deputy headteacher gave me a flippant response that there was no need to reply as the afterschool club lady already spoke to me. When I said that I also didn't receive a reply to my second email, both the deputy headteacher and headteacher denied ever having received a second email
  • As mentioned, my son has a behavior book. I write down things about him that I observe at home and the school writes down observations about him every day. My son brings this book with him to school everyday and brings it back home.
On Friday last week, this book was missing. My son said that it was on his table in school. I emailed school and said that we're worried that another child accidently took it back home with them. I asked the school in my email whether it was possible to share the information in a more confidential way, perhaps a shared file on Google drive. Again, my email was ignored and I didn't receive a reply. The book was found on Monday, but I asked them in the suspension meeting yesterday why I didn't receive a response to my email if I have concerns about confidential information being accidentally shared with the wrong people. The deputy headteacher once again gave me a flippant response that my son took it out of his bag and that the book was found. I replied that a 4 year old child can't be expected to safeguard a book with confidential information and that there's a risk that another child could take this book home in the future. We then finally agreed that his book would be taken out of his bag when he arrives in school and given to me at pickup by the afterschool club staff.
  • the suspension letter says that work would be provided for my son during his suspension. So far I have received nothing.

My son has his reintegration meeting on Monday morning. Does anyone have any tips for me what I should discuss with the school/how I can support my son?

I know my son's behaviour is completely unacceptable and I don't support him being violent to anyone and myself and my husband had a very serious talk with him.

I have tried to call SENDIASS this morning on advice of a friend, but their phone number doesn't work and they haven't replied to my email yet.

Mentally I'm extremely exhausted, I woke up at 4 am this morning, because I was so worried. On top of that I'm pregnant, which makes everything so much more difficult :(

OP posts:
StrivingForSleep · 02/04/2025 16:21

It is a good idea to read the statutory suspension and exclusion policy if you haven’t already.

The school should take reasonable steps to provide work. However, there is no statutory duty to do so. If DS is 4, he is not yet compulsory school age, so there isn’t even a statutory duty to provide alternative provision after 5 days.

Has an EHCNA been requested? What support is the school providing to prevent escalating situations in the first place? What have they tried, but it hasn’t worked? If your LA has a specialist teaching service, has the school asked for advice from them?

Photocopy the communication book.

The route for NHS assessment varies area to area.

Does the insurance cover ASD assessments? Not all do.

Justploddingonandon · 02/04/2025 15:23

What else are they doing to support your son? A behaviour book sounds like it's reactive rather than proactively trying to prevent issues occurring. There is a place for similar monitoring to try and identify triggers, but it should be followed by taking action to reduce or remove those triggers. It sounds like he had a meltdown due to unmet needs. The suspension may be lawful, as they can suspend SEN children if it's a health and safety issue (ultimately all children need to be safe in school). With my daughter it did take a bit of trial and error to work out which interventions were helpful, and which weren't, but once they had her behaviour at school was a lot better. Saying that her behaviour at home only improved once she got her EHCP, full time 1 to 1 support and they actually implemented things like movement breaks consistently.

Original poster
strugglingparent1 · 02/04/2025 15:23

Cinnamoncupcake · 02/04/2025 15:03

I don’t have any advice but a 4 year old being suspended is ridiculous! I have this all to come, my DD is 4 and starting school in September, she has asd and is easily triggered and will lash out, she had a Ehcp but unfortunately for Sen children they like to try mainstream first and I don’t think it will work out but all these suspensions is a way of the school showing they can’t meet needs to get them in the right setting further down the line 🙄 can he not be referred to a paediatrician as he’s still 4 to have a diagnosis? When they get to 5 and get referred to camhs it’s a long wait ( 4 years ) a paediatrician would diagnose quicker

I have vitality medical insurance through my work and my son is insured through that as well. I will give them a ring tomorrow to ask if my son can get referred to a pediatrician.

Hopefully this will speed things up

Thanks for your comment xxx

OP posts:
Cinnamoncupcake · 02/04/2025 15:03

I don’t have any advice but a 4 year old being suspended is ridiculous! I have this all to come, my DD is 4 and starting school in September, she has asd and is easily triggered and will lash out, she had a Ehcp but unfortunately for Sen children they like to try mainstream first and I don’t think it will work out but all these suspensions is a way of the school showing they can’t meet needs to get them in the right setting further down the line 🙄 can he not be referred to a paediatrician as he’s still 4 to have a diagnosis? When they get to 5 and get referred to camhs it’s a long wait ( 4 years ) a paediatrician would diagnose quicker