Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Original poster

How do you work with your autistic/sen kid(s)?

31 replies

Newsenmum · 30/06/2024 21:27

I’m due to return to work when my baby turns 1. I’ll actually be looking for something new as had to leave a previous job behind. My four year old is autistic and we have had many struggles. He starts school soon and I am envisioning a whole new lifetime of support needed. I get burnt out very easily with the kids (and have some nd traits of my own). Dh is autistic and wonderful at what he does. He is the clear breadwinner and his job is his fixation so he is very good at what he does. I took some time out of work with my first child, partly due to him not coping in childcare and us navigating his diagnosis.

I am now wondering how I’m going to return to work. I mean practically - what is going to be that flexible? And also mentally, what can I cope with? I know mumsnet is very ‘anti’ SAHM and quite degrading of them really, so I feel guilty even contemplating that choice, even though I suppose it’s what I am now. We can cope financially without me working although it would be better if I did work and of course it would give me a ‘break’!

I just wonder if any of you mumsnetters can share what kind of work you do and how on earth you manage it with you ND child, particularly if they have reduced timetables at school, have frequent burnout/school refusal and can’t attend clubs during school holidays?

OP posts:
Original poster
Newsenmum · 01/07/2024 10:47

UnendingSaga · 01/07/2024 08:20

I ended up giving up work, not very helpful to you. Wraparound care was a disaster for us and an initial "I'll take a break until we get through this difficult period" has ended up pretty much permanent. We don't need my salary, if we did I'd probably look for evening or weekend work, which wouldn't be in my profession but it would be something. Friends have said "couldn't you just get a nanny" but that's easier said than done and we don't have any family nearby who can help.

Summer holidays are always the big stumbling block I find. My DS cannot do group childcare and there isn't much available for autistic kids in our area anyway. The few things that do run tend to be the odd day of an inclusive sports group that isn't a full day and he would hate anyway.

If you do stay off work, be prepared for a lot of advice from people who don't understand the reality at all. "Can you not just go freelance?" is the one I get regularly.

This is actually helpful thanks. What kind of profession did you have before? It’s so hard and I can see why you’ve not been able to go back. Do you think you’ve found a balance in life? I have days where I feel very down and ‘trapped’ by the idea of not working.

OP posts:
sleepworkmum · 01/07/2024 10:06

also to get out the house when I was WFH, I found a brilliant co-working space. So when I could actually leave - ie, mornings went well, both kids were in, I wasn't existentially broken - I would put on my 'outside the house' clothes, go see other adults and feel very human again.

sleepworkmum · 01/07/2024 10:02

I like to think that MN is pro 'whatever works for each family or person', I haven't thought of it as hostile to SAHPs but I also don't really explore that part of MN. Sorry that that has been your experience and I hope you feel welcome in this part of it!

Try not to preempt that it will definitely be difficult. Hope for the best and plan for the worst, sort of thing. Being aware of ASC at this age is a huge advantage, as you can put time into finding the right setting and building a good relationship with the school. Giving DS lots of down time, low expectations, low stimulation outside of school will help. If you want to work but it's not vital for family finances, maybe give yourself time to see how the transition is. If you have to work, and without knowing what you do, finding something 100% WFH and flexible in terms of timing will be the golden ticket.

DD9 is ASC and we suffered significant school refusal from day 1, to the point where I had two extended leaves from work (self-employed) and now DH has given up work fully (also not helpful for you...). In the early days we also struggled hugely with wraparound care, we had an au pair for a couple of years, which was amazing and surprisingly good value, but our house is way too small for that so we tried afterschool nannies which were a) expensive and b) sometimes unreliable.

BrumToTheRescue · 01/07/2024 09:47

For many years I was unable to work during to DC’s needs. I now work very part time TTO in a flexible job for an organisation who supports parents/carers of disabled DC.

UnendingSaga · 01/07/2024 08:20

I ended up giving up work, not very helpful to you. Wraparound care was a disaster for us and an initial "I'll take a break until we get through this difficult period" has ended up pretty much permanent. We don't need my salary, if we did I'd probably look for evening or weekend work, which wouldn't be in my profession but it would be something. Friends have said "couldn't you just get a nanny" but that's easier said than done and we don't have any family nearby who can help.

Summer holidays are always the big stumbling block I find. My DS cannot do group childcare and there isn't much available for autistic kids in our area anyway. The few things that do run tend to be the odd day of an inclusive sports group that isn't a full day and he would hate anyway.

If you do stay off work, be prepared for a lot of advice from people who don't understand the reality at all. "Can you not just go freelance?" is the one I get regularly.

Original poster
Newsenmum · 30/06/2024 21:30

And just to add I am actually not anti SAHM, I think it is a wonderful and admirable choice. It gives little thanks and it is something I may continue for a little longer if I don’t go insane first!

OP posts: