almost 7yo wakes every night

Have you considered asking about melatonin? Most GPs like it to be initiated by CAMHS or a paediatrician so you will most likely need to request a referral to CAMHS, paeds or a dedicated sleep clinic. It won’t be an instant fix but it’s worth setting the ball rolling.

@shutthewindownow
try it yourself it doesn't cure sarcasm but it may well relax you

How about standing over her all night fanning her and singing her lullabies

For what it's worth OP, you both soiling like lovely parents just wanting to do the nest for your child. I just think at 7 she should be ok by now, although appreciate if there are other issues at play. I just felt sorry for you that's all, doing this for 7 years already would have driven me insane. I only have a toddler who I slept trained, but the one thing I do remember about that is consistency (like any things with parenting), so maybe think of a few strategies with your DH, probably best to discuss with your daughter get her buy in and input as well. Then do those things rather than chopping and changing which will probably be less effective. All the best

So many judgemental and self satisfied responses on here. Your DD is clearly distressed and needs your support and you are clearly wanting to support her - she's lucky to have you on her side. I agree with the posters suggesting a mattress in your room that she can settle on by herself, or a double bed/mattress in her room so that you or DH can be with her without disturbing your sleep too much. Hopefully the comfort she feels by having you near will gradually break the cycle.

Your girl won't change unless you do. This has become a massive habit and it's all about attention
You need to get firm shes 7 for goodness sake Is she an only child by any chance !

Hugs to you and your DD.

I have always struggled with sleep. Turns out I'm neurodivergent and that often comes with too much adrenaline and retained reflexes.

One of my DC would be awake for hours in the night and barely needed any sleep so I took her for retained reflexes treatment it made a huge difference and quickly!

This is a mainstream treatment in Australia no idea why we are so behind in the UK I found out about it by chance.

She has sleep habits you've taught her she needs to sleep so can't self settle....we all wake in the night we don't remember because we self settle....she needs to be with an adult, with noise, with attention etc. She's not a baby do the bed time then leave ....if you fell asleep with one set of circumstances then woke up with it different it would really wake you up to.

I really recommend the yoto player - as a PP said - my DS the same age wakes up, puts on a story or podcast and eventually goes back to sleep

It sounds like she doesn't feel safe when she wakes up.
If she settles to sleep sounds at bedtime, can she put these on again herself in the night? Think about weening her off this crutch though, something like counting backwards from 100 is a better one.

See your school nurses, they can refer for her for a sleep assessment and offer other support.
In the meantime, can you get her a double bed so you can get in with her and creep away when she falls asleep (or fall asleep with her)?
Good luck. It's shit if you have a child who has difficulty sleeping.

And yes I completely get the checking. Parents that haven't got kids with these issues/that settle easily of course won't understand 😔

Also what about a cuddle pillow or a pregnancy pillow for her to cuddle?

New pjs and bedding to make her feel more settled

A new teddy/ for bedtime only

Lavender in her room to settle

Also you can get herbal liquids that you rub on her wrists and temples to relax her

I was struggling with my daughter still coming into bed every night and we got a "ready bed" that we laid down on the floor next to my bed with a pillow and blanket. That was she could come in a be near us - she woke us the first couple of times but just knowing it was okay amd we weren't going to make a fuss and there was A Plan was enough to break the anxiety cycle so she just came in and fell asleep.

I think we had that for 18months or so and then she finally managed her bed at night. She still needed a bit of "settling" when first in bed until 10ish I think.

Funnily enough her sister is autistic and we suspect this child is, but not with enough symptoms probably to get referred!

Sounds like she is not associating bed with sleep so controversial option here that could work is
Put on the sounds and lights out unless using a nightlight put that on in her room, teeth brushed then Bedtime story happens downstairs with cuddles when finished it's straight up to bed with a quick kiss say you love her and you will see her in the morning then walk out. Do not check every 10 minutes it's disturbing her. Make her associate her bedroom at nighttime is solely for sleeping

Ignore the ‘should’ comments.

Dd 6 goes through anxious phases finding it hard to settle and wanting us to stay with her. shes also prone to being sick when she’s upset which makes everything a bit more…exciting!
She’s got better with her yoto audio player to go to sleep to. I also made her a reward chart where she had to stay in her own bed for 5 nights in a row to get a little present- it just raises the expectations and motivation. She knows now what she’s got to try and do. We only occasionally get a visit after a bad dream.

Also make sure she’s ready for sleep- many neurodivergent kids genuinely find it difficult to sleep and medication can help them. Also she may need tiring out by exercise like swimming and also a snack before bed.

*never do you wrong

It’s okay, it’s really hard.

There’s a Facebook page called Parents of autistic girls. It’s a really supportive place and you’ll find kind empathic people there. There is nothing wrong with your parenting. Just do what you need to to get some rest for all of you, and always stick with your gut instinct with your DD, that will never you wrong, regardless of whether others understand or approve or see it as ‘pandering’ x