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Original poster

Please help me with DD2's explosive outbursts, I don't know what to do!

40 replies

Beebityboo · 10/04/2021 19:58

I am in real need of some advice and guidance about what to do with DD2. She has always been quite emotional and demanding but after getting quite unwell in the Autumn of 2019 her behaviour started to decline and, after the two lockdowns, is the worst it has ever been.

She isn't aggressive or unkind but she is hugely unpredictable and has an explosive temper. If something makes her jump or if her brother says something to her she doesn't like she will scream and sob and has a really difficult time calming down, they seem like tantrums but it genuinely feels like she can't contain how she feels, it's 0-10 in a second.

She is now exhibiting this behaviour at school too, so much so that they put her on the SEN register in the winter term. She is a sight reader and has been since around 2 years old (that is not an exaggeration or a boast) but she really struggles with writing. Though she has friends and takes pleasure in helping them and sharing they are starting to not want to play with her as if something doesn't go her way she has a meltdown and screams the place down. She has even started shouting at the TA who is wonderful with her Sad.

I don't really know what to do to be honest, we have two older DC's who have never had these behavioural issues (although my eldest has suspected Aspergers) and she comes from a calm, loving home where no one shouts. I am at the end of my rope and feel like a terrible mother as I know that she has been so affected by lockdown as I was having to shield. We have barely been anywhere and she misses her extended family.

The school have recommended she get some help from a mental health professional but I just wonder if that is premature? The only real issue is the screaming and shouting, the rest of the time she is a funny, clever and happy little girl who is completely adored by all of us. Could it be delayed emotional development from not being around/playing with children her own age in so long?

It's such a mess, please give me some advice on what to do!

OP posts:
ThePontiacBandit · 10/04/2021 22:12

My almost 8 year old is like this. I am on the Autistic spectrum, I believe she is too (but because she’s okay in school paeds won’t assess her).

One thing that’s made a big difference to home life as reading and implementing The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. DH was sceptical but I got him to read it too. In a nutshell, the book is about children who struggle to express their issues and “unexpectedly” explode. The author suggests that actually when you unpick it, these have an identifiable trigger. He suggests you start with one issue and work on others later. So for us, we worked on bedtimes - DD settled very late. This did mean that teeth brushing slid a bit (picking sleep as the priority). We’ve seen such a massive improvement at home since she’s settling and sleeping better, she’s less emotional and generally easier to calm when she does get worked up. It’s not perfect and she fights against it at times but it’s been worth it.

AudTheDeepMinded · 10/04/2021 22:12

Report your own thread to MUmsnet and ask in the message for it to be moved.
And in an ideal world schools would be making a referral if they suspected autism, however many times this does not happen in reality without a lot of pushing from the parents.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 10/04/2021 22:11

She is also the youngest in her class, and I worry sometimes that that makes her behaviour seem worse than it is?

OP posts:
Original poster
Beebityboo · 10/04/2021 22:10

I don't think the school suspect autism, and when I have read on the typical signs in younger girls it doesn't really sound like DD, other than the difficulty managing emotions. I feel like the school would be making a referral if they suspected autism?

OP posts:
HotPenguin · 10/04/2021 22:04

I was thinking autism before I got to the bit about your DS being suspected on the autistic spectrum. Difficulty managing emotions can be part of autism, you could try some autism friendly techniques to help your DD understand and manage feelings. These can also help if she isn't autistic. It could just be lockdown/a developmental thing, but the fact school have put her on the SEN register suggests your DD is struggling more than other children her age so it's worth investigating.

peachpearplum01 · 10/04/2021 22:03

She sounds like my 7 year old.. she’s also got worse over the last year. I’m not sure if it’s anxiety related. She was also an early reader (and speaker). Seems ok socially but can be very rigid about play and very sensitive to “slights”. But she’s not growing out of the meltdowns...

Kitkat151 · 10/04/2021 22:02

Ask your GP or school nurse for a community paediatrician referral .....they will look at behaviour ( as opposed to mental health)

Original poster
Beebityboo · 10/04/2021 22:02

Yes that's probably a good idea, how do I move a thread? Don't think I have done it before!

OP posts:
AudTheDeepMinded · 10/04/2021 22:00

I think it might be worth asking for this thread to be moved to the SEN talk topic as you might get some more support there from people who may have gone through some of these processes. From what I've heard it can be a real battle to get some schools to do as they ought. Not saying this is the case but you will probably get a much better and more helpful response?

Original poster
Beebityboo · 10/04/2021 21:57

I just don't really feel that it is a mental health issue as such, she is a pretty typical five year old the majority of the time and happy at home, it's just these sudden outbursts all of the time and, due to lockdown, some moderate separation anxiety. I have also walked past her playing at school a few times and she is always tearing about with friends/laughing and giggling away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beebityboo · 10/04/2021 21:55

No real assessment suggested so far, the senco is observing and it all seems to be at quite an early stage. The onus seems to be on me to get her outside help as they have said that any kind of assessment through them requires a lot of proof and evidence that they don't really have yet for a proper referral.

OP posts:
AudTheDeepMinded · 10/04/2021 21:51

Have SEN suggested having any other sort of assessment than mental health? I am by no means an expert but I have heard that early reading (hyperlexia) can (though not always) be a sign of other things going on, and girls in particular are very good at masking outside of the home, making diagnosis particularly difficult.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 10/04/2021 21:42

bump Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
Beebityboo · 10/04/2021 20:53

Sorry thought I had included that! She is 5 and in year 1.

OP posts:
Bearnecessity · 10/04/2021 20:40

How old is she?