Very violent 5yr old boy

I don't think you should care about judgement from others, as if things start to work better you will get less judgement. What sort of judgement have you had so far?

Is your dh good with your ds, and with you and your other dc, is that why you have thought about him giving up work for a short time? What job does your dh do/did you do before you became a sahm?

When was your ds diagnosed? What sort of guidance were you given at the time and was violence an issue at that time?

For 2 weeks please try a clean diet with no additives and no gluten. And also try as hard as you can to give lots of cuddles love and positive reinforcement. Try not to tell off - just completely ignore bad behaviour. I know this will be really hard but please try.

Do not adjust his diet without getting professional input first.

TheHoneyBadger, where do you get the idea that if you don't want to keep your child you can just hand it over? It's hard enough getting their special needs recognised, let alone any help. You'd have to do something pretty terrible to the child — abandon it or harm it — for the authorities to step in and people love their children, no matter how difficult they are. Specialist schools can cost £50,000+ a year, more if your child requires very high levels of supervision and care. Local Authorities will do almost anything to avoid taking that cost on.

For 2 weeks please try a clean diet with no additives and no gluten. And also try as hard as you can to give lots of cuddles love and positive reinforcement. Try not to tell off - just completely ignore bad behaviour. I know this will be really hard but please try.

I appreciate what sen parents are saying about lack of help but surely residential care has to happen if parents aren't willing to keep a child at home?

most parents cannot get even a couple of hours respite without battling for years (DD is a teenager and we never had anything depute her being severely disabled). a residential setting is very £££ and would take years of legal battle against the authority who will do anything to not fund it. and you cannot just 'hand over' your child.

sorry, but I think you are in a parallel universe where you think parents like us get help. it. does. not. work. that. way.

I appreciate what sen parents are saying about lack of help but surely residential care has to happen if parents aren't willing to keep a child at home?

In the short term, OP, whats his profile like? Does he like loud/quiet, touch/no touching, light/dark, etc? I'm sure those of us with experience of ASD could suggest some things that might help calm him. One of my DC likes deep pressure and weight so if he's headed for a blow up then wrapping him in a weighted blanket can soothe him until it passes. My other autistic DC avoids touch, hates wearing clothes even, but loves water so often of he's on the path to melting down then a bath helps soothe him.

Keep a diary of incidents - specifically note down what happened, what was happening immediately before, how he was acting/how he reacted, and what happened after the incident. It will help you to look for patterns and triggers which can help with pre-empting the outbursts in future. Younger DC becomes "stalky" when he is reaching breaking point, pacing around like a lion in a cage, so I know if he starts the stiff, pacing movements then he needs intervention. Older DC becomes almost maniacal in being silly then will suddenly turn violent so I know when his silliness starts escalating that he needs intervention.

I really recommend PECS cards and to also look at makaton to aid his communication. There are other communication aids too. A company called Chewigem sells a wristband with a red side and a green side that the child can flip over to show if they need some help/support or if they're okay. They also have visual scheduling tools where you put little pictures on a chart to show what is happening now, what is happening next, and what it happening later to help with transitions and expectations.

There's a book called The Explosive Child that explores the behaviour of children prone to violent and aggressive outbursts, I found it really helpful and it was very useful for aiding me in reframing my approach to such behaviour.

If you're not claiming it already then make a claim for DLA, the money can be used towards any aids and adaptations he needs, private respite, to boost family funds if his care is affectig your earnings, etc, whatever is needed in order to best support and care for him.

Do you have any support from social services? In England your son would be classified as a child in need which would mean social services would have had to draw up a care plan and put support in place.

Also you really need to consult someone with expertise in SEN, as I strongly suspect much more should be being done. The Education Law Unit at Govan Law Centre would be a good starting point - govanlawcentre.org/education-law-unit/

I don't think the OP is calling the police on a 5 year old, I think she is asking them to help her physically manage a single incident, for a defined period of time. She has nobody else to help her, perhaps, not family members to respond to her call, or a neighbour who wants to be involved. Perhaps she wants to examine her toddler's head, after he's been pushed over, but cannot because her five-year-old is now climbing over the bannister. As one adult, without help, she possibly cannot control two children.

Nothing is happening with the support the SW is promising. It isn't forthcoming. It might not be for weeks. A lot can happen during that time. Probably, support workers won't be available due to Covid restrictions. Any methodology gleaned from a book or YouTube will take weeks or months to take effect. OP just needs another human being to be there with her.

Hiya. I couldn't read and run. My son was exactly the same at 5. I deeply feel for you. I want to offer you hope that this will improve. You don't say what help you are currently recieving. However, when my son was 5 I felt like I should be coping but this is outside of 'normal' parenting. What support have CAMHS offered as you have a diagnosis. What can you get from the local offer? Take all the help you can get. @Clackyheels calling the police is not ridiculous. This is a perfect way to get the support you need from local services and it was advised my my son's school recently when he was having a violent meltdown. There was a two year waiting list for this specific help I wanted and now I am starting it in Feb. My son has his moments now but nothing like when he was your son's age. He goes to a special school which is perfect for him. Please don't send your son to a mainstream. Mine now has suffered diagnosed trauma from the experience. This situation will improve, I am not going to lie it takes a lot of energy, perseverance and a sprinkling of really shitty days. Take all the help you can get and make sure you look after yourself x

Utterly astounded by how many people her are saying he needs residential care! including bloody teachers!. People need to wake the fuck up and understand that for many SEND families this is how their lives are! for a SEND parent/sibling to be attacked by their child isnt anything out of the ordinary, for many many families!

OP what services do you feel have let you down? i dont know how the scottish system works, but you need to shout louder and use every once of local support you can get your hands on to help you through this. Look into local support groups, reach out to other local parents who are further along the line than you are. They will support and help you ensure you are doing all you can to make professionals do all they can.

Remember there is ALWAYS a reason for the type of behaviours your son is displaying, but right now you need professional help to support you in how best you can support your son. Look at alternative means of helping your son communicate his needs. Look at what routine and structure you have at home and in your day to day lives.

Be kind to yourself OP things can and will get better, keep posting, look at the MN special needs board, there is a vast wealth of experience there, please reach out and let people who really understand what youre living through.

Why did you hold him back from school? Presumably he will go to a SS where they will be able to support you in dealing with his behaviour. I am struggling to understand why you would think he ‘wasn’t ready’ for school when he clearly can’t cope at home

I am presuming without a clear plan of knowing what to do they are letting the status quo stand for another year.

What happens if nothing has changed or things have got worse in 8 months time

Try speaking to aba scotland
www.autism.org.uk/directory/a/abascotland

AbA school was hugely beneficial for my ds

I've been badly beaten up (trip to hospital to have my ribs x-rayed) by a large, strong 5-year-old with ASD and a raft of other difficulties. If your son is anything like the child who attacked me then I would be very worried about protecting my 18-month-old. I'm a fairly big, fairly strong adult and I couldn't prevent him from knocking me down and kneeing and punching me. As adults we can empathise with the child driven to violence by rage at not being about to communicate, but a toddler can't understand and just experiences it as irrational violence. They may survive the blows, but the psychological damage could be devastating.

My friend's son is getting better now he's older, but for years his parents have been black and blue and on antidepressants. I'm so sorry for anyone going through this.

His social worker has offered him 10 hrs a wk respite but still waiting for that to be set up.

Good keep pushing.
Diet... my asd ds had severe constipation and daily probiotics made a huge difference.
Biocare does a kid powder
Also restricting wheat as gave him wind and gas so switching to gf pasta

OMG the first page of replies are incredibly harsh. Ring the police and residential care for a 5 year old.
Can you ask for any therapy / support. Can you get your younger child in a buggy and get out for a long tiring walk / run to reduce the energy of your 5 yr old. Can you do massage together. My DD school do 5 mins of this every day after dinner and it encourages nice/ gentle physical touch. Do you have robust consequences for naughty behaviour. Time outs? Sounds really difficult. Have you got anyone to look after your kids so you can have some time to yourself.

Don't call the police ona 5 year old it's a waste of their time. Be strict with him and stick to it. Don't tolerate his behaviour or he thinks it's fine to do. My son has ASD and was so destructive I felt like I was telling him off constantly for years. Hes 13 now and is a really good teen. He knows what's acceptable and what's not. They are all so different though and I hope you find a way to help him.

Have you heard of Phoebe Caldwell? She is an amazing woman who does work with children with Autism, and trains people working with them. She has an amazing ability to break through and communicate with children nobody has been able to do anything with. . will get you started and it's worth watching how she interacts with some of the children/young people. Something she says or does may help you.

This is sensible advice.
Sending a hug, this is such a difficult situation but police/residential care is not the answer.

He is not oaychopath ge us chikd with ASD. Hs needs dpe ialust school now . AbA or TEACCH . Dobt wait til he is "ready". He is not suddenly going to be ready without input he needs speciaust input now.
soeak to ss chikdren wirh disabilities
Which school locally is specislist asd or has a asd unit?

"lyinginthegutterstaringatstars

If it's this extreme can you place him
In care yourself? I think it's a section 20. He's likely to get professional help quicker that way"

This isn't how section 20 consent works. Section 20 of the Children Act is used when local authorities are already seeking to remove children from their home due to significant risks. It allows the parents to work 'with' the plan rather than a court order being sought. Section 20 does not allow someone to simply hand their child over and absolve themselves of parental responsibility. Anyone who contacted social services trying to do this would be told no.

OP you have had some great advice from people who have been in similar situations. I agree with others, increased nursery (or better, school) is what I'd be pushing for first. Hope things improve for you.

Why did you hold him back from school? Presumably he will go to a SS where they will be able to support you in dealing with his behaviour. I am struggling to understand why you would think he ‘wasn’t ready’ for school when he clearly can’t cope at home?

OP didn't make the decision, the agencies involved did. And he can't just go to a special school, its very difficult to get a place even with complex needs and demand for spaces far outstrips supply.

OP, I would ask for the thread to be moved to the SN boards as on AIBU you will get a lot of comments from people who do not fully understand how the system works or what its like to live with/advocate for a child with complex and difficult needs. An example of this would be the several comments recommending residential care - this would be nigh on impossible to find for a five year old. Another example would be the people suggesting you modify his diet by removing certain foods - it is not uncommon for autistic people to have limited diets anyway or to be vitamin deficient due to this, his diet shouldn't be modified without guidance from a qualified dietician first.

You need to contact family services or your local mash team.

Your local authority have a duty of care towards your dc, do not let them fob you off. They will do. They can offer restbite and help. Sounds like he needs an appointment with his gp and a referral to a paediatric gp.

I have been through similar and my dd is in residential care