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Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Original poster

Advice on Aspergers please.

54 replies

bonkerz · 26/02/2007 20:00

Not exactly sure where to start here really. Have posted on a few occassions about my DS who is 7 in July and about his behaviour in school.
For the last 2 years we have been having trouble with DS displaying inappropriate behaviour at school. He gets very angry and has huge tantrums which can sometimes turn violent and aggressive. School have excluded him twice and have said they are finding it increasingly difficult to cope within school.
At home he can be argumentative but we dont see the aggression that school talks about.
We have been working with family steps for the past 4 weeks to come up with different techniques to try and control his behaviour but school seem to be struggling with implementing the techniques.
I have now been asked by the school to go to the GP to get a referral to Mental Health and to get DS assessed for Aspergers and Autism. I have looked at symptoms for aspergers and must admit that DS does display some signs ie unable to operate in social situations, Unable to recognise other peoples feelings etc. He is above average intelligence and the school are not able to challenge him educationally due to lack of staffing apparently.
I suppose im really after some support from other parents who are going through or have gone through the process for diagnosis of aspergers or autism. Im really scared of the words mental health and how this label will reflect me as a parent. Is my son mad? am i a terrible mother?

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 27/02/2007 21:06

DS was very aggressive when he was 4-5 years old. I did get some advice and did alot of positive parenting and forced myself to calm down and stop shouting at him. I also drew up some basic ground rules for us all to stick to: no shouting, no namecalling & no hitting being the most basic ones.
So the aggression has really calmed down. Now the problems are low self-esteem, being bullied, poor concentration, great difficulty with social friendships. He just about copes with the school day, but he is not enjoying it or happy.

Original poster
bonkerz · 27/02/2007 12:51

Thanks for the replies. Deep down i know its not anything ive done or any reflection on my parenting skills BUT it is still really hard to deal with. I really hope (and i know that sounds odd) but i hope it is aspergers or something in that region as it would then mean he has a reason for behaving the way he does.
At home i can deal with DS quite easily but then i am on a smaller ratio with him than the teachers. At school they have had the Ed Psych in who has given them alot of anger management strategies and also told them they have to praise more and also dedicate more one to one time to DS. I really dont think that the school can do this though although they are appearing to be willing at the moment i really dont have alot of faith in them. As a parent i am already doing extra work with DS at home as they cannot challenge him when he is at school.
Have decided to go GP on Tuesday next week and discuss referral.
Bugsy, can i be nosy and ask what sort of behaviours etc your Ds demonstates?

OP posts:
coppertop · 26/02/2007 21:30

You're not a terrible mother and your ds is not mad.

My ds1 is about the same age as your ds and has a dx of autism. Ds2 is 4 and has a dx of AS. I don't have any experience of CAMHS (mine were diagnosed by a Paed) but IMHO getting a dx, if needed, is a good thing. It will hopefully help your ds to access the help he needs.

What techniques are being tried (or not!) by the school? Have the school been looking at what triggers ds' anger/aggression? Looking at what happened just before each episode can really help to find a way to prevent or reduce the episodes in the future IME. It might also be worth looking for a different school if the current one can't meet his needs.

Feel free to come and post on the SN board as well. There are quite a few of us who are either going through this now or have done so in the past. The "is he/isn't he" stage is a really tough time IME. Mixed in with it is the "Was this caused by something I did or didn't do?" The answer to that is a definite no but it can be very hard to see that while you're going through it. xxx

Bugsy2 · 26/02/2007 21:08

i'm very new to this. my ds was diagnosed with aspergers about 2 weeks ago and he is 7 years old. i can't give you much advice as i am learning all about aspergers myself at the moment, but i would say don't be afraid of referal to CAMHS, the child and adult mental health people. this is no reflection on your parenting but just the experts to help you and your ds.
you are doing the right thing to find help for your ds and that makes you a good mum.

(keyboard bit buggered so apols for lack of caps)