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Original poster

Opinions please - is there something 'wrong' with my son?

30 replies

GGandT · 06/03/2016 16:41

DS is 6.8 and I've had problems with his behaviour since he was a toddler but I feel nobody is taking my concerns seriously.

He does well at school, is exceptionally good at Maths and is also very good at reading, although he doesn't enjoy writing much. He is well behaved in school too, has lots of friends and generally keeps his head down and gets on with his work.

However, it can be challenging for me to get him to school in the morning, he hates getting ready, getting dressed and getting to school, will often refuse, there's been many times when I have had to pin him down and get him dressed (which isn't easy as he's tall and strong!).
He gets very anxious and worried if we are late or if he has forgotten something, eg if he's left his book bag at home or if he's forgotten his homework, he'll refuse to go in school out of fear of getting in trouble, he's even tried to run off a few times.

He'll sometimes refuse to go to new places, gets very apprehensive and anxious about new things/people/places.
Eg he was invited to a party at a trampoline park a few weeks ago, he knew all the children there but he refused to go in or take part. He ran off out of the building.
Once we got him in the cafe and he had a drink and a cake he soon cheered up and went and joined in and had a wonderful time.
This kind of thing happens often, we have missed out on doing so many things because he refuses to go.

His behaviour is really unpredictable, one minute he can be fine, the next he can be having an almighty tantrum about almost nothing.

He gets very angry about little things, sometimes he lashes out and hits and kicks me.

He doesn't seem bothered about people seeing him having a tantrum, he lashed out at me in front of his friend the other week, hit me and kicked me and ran away and hid from me. Wasn't bothered in the slightest about looking silly in front of his friend.

He's very very sensitive to being hungry, he has a good appetite and eats well but he claims to be absolutely starving when he comes out of school, 9/10 times when he has one of his melt downs it is after school or when it is approaching a meal time.
However, the dentist has told me to try and avoid snacking as he's developed a cavity, so what am I to do?

He's also very sensitive to sounds eg hand dryers (he always uses disabled toilets to avoid them), hair dryers, the sound of hair clippers in the hair dressers etc.

I think he's quite possibly depressed, he keeps saying that everybody hates him and that he wants to run away, he's made comments about just wanting to stay in bed all day.

I've spoken to his teacher about his behaviour and his mood on numour occasions but she hasn't done anything to help. At his last parents evening she said she would speak to the SENCO to see if they could offer any support but I've heard nothing.

I've also spoken to GP about it and again she just shrugged it off, I mentioned that I have wondered if he has SPD but she said she has never heard of it and just said ''well every child is different''.

I just feel that because DS is doing well at school and his behaviour is good there, they're not really too bothered about what is going on at home or how he is feeling.

This weekend I sat down with DS to do his homework and we read that his teacher has written on last week's homework ''this is very messy work'', no comment about the wonderful sums he has done all by himself. He got sooo upset by it, said he was going to punch and kick his teacher etc etc. He was heart broken, said he was never going to school again.
I just don't understand why a teacher who knows how sensitive he is, who I have spoken to about how unhappy he is, about how he doesn't like going to school, would write that comment. I'm so upset by it.

I've emailed school and asked to speak to the Head about it.

I think when DS was 3/4 years old his behaviour could just be passed off as 'normal' but now as he's getting older I really think it's not typical behaviour and he needs to some help.

I feel like I'm going mad here, can anyone relate to these problems and help me get the help we need?

Sorry for the huge post, just didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
Alfieisnoisy · 06/03/2016 17:04

I would write down everything. While you are doing thar have a think about his development. Did he crawl, did speech develop normally etcc.

Your GP has never heard of SPD but many GPs havent. Perhaps print something off for your GP and then ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician or child development clinic. You need to be able to go over all this with someone who knows about SPD. From what you have posted it sounds quite possible.

PhilPhilConnors · 06/03/2016 17:02

He sounds very similar to my son. He has ASD/PDA and SPD.

I would do some research around this area (in our case asperger's mostly fit, PDA was like a lightbulb).
Talk to the headteacher and explain what's going on, ask if he could be referred to an education psychologist, who may spot things going on in the classroom that the teacher won't.
My son is very well behaved at school, and an angry wreck at home.

If you think ASD or SPD fits, ask your GP for a referral to a developmental paed. Telling you that all children are different is a complete cop out. If you keep a diary, it may help as evidence.

Some GPs don't have a lot of knowledge around these things. We were told repeatedly that our son had no issues (apart from parenting), because he was fine at school. With ASD though, it is well documented that many children hold it in during the school day and save it all for home. (Can link you to some documents if you want)

The Explosive Child is very good, and the website that goes with it is called Lives in the Balance.
If you're on FB, the autism discussion page is well worth a read, it's very good for strategies.

Of course, he may not have any of this, but those ^^ are still worth a look at.

QueryQuery · 06/03/2016 17:00

I saw this on active posts, and am not an Sen expert, but he sounds horribly anxious. I would see about a referral to camhs in the first instance. Can you self refer if your GP isn't helpful?

A friend recommends the book 'Parenting the Explosive Child'. Her son, who does have asd, but these methods are helpful for lots of children with and without a diagnosis, is also helped by visual timetables, social stories and researching new events before they go so he knows what things look like, where the loos are etc.

It might also be worth looking into techniques for dealing with children who have pathological demand avoidance as they can be helpful for children with anxiety.

Finally, I massively sympathise with him getting hangry. I could easily punch someone by 3pm if I don't have a decent snack. Can he have a protein rich snack at afternoon playtime to keep him going. Or more protein at lunch?

Original poster
GGandT · 06/03/2016 17:00

Thanks LIZS.
Who do I need to ask for him to be referred to for an assessment?

OP posts:
LIZS · 06/03/2016 16:49

He sounds very anxious and sensitive which could well stem from a SpLD. Ds has dyspraxia and some of what you mention could have related to him , but several conditions can coexist or share traits so really you need a comprehensive assessment. If school don't refer try your gp.