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Original poster

My Son with possible ASD is being excluded at school -- HELP!

40 replies

SandFly80 · 04/10/2015 15:17

My son has been referred for a full assessment. He is four and has just started Reception. He has had a lovely time at Nursery so far and got speech and behaviour therapy to help deal with frustration and social situations. He is not violent, just very quiet and in his own world. We moved house to be near a (seemingly) great independent inclusive school. We shared all his reports and the school said they could support him and his target for the first term was to settle in.
His class teacher will now not have him in unless there is full-time 1:1 support. The school has not been able to arrange full time 1:1 and he is now only allowed in school 9 hours a week. He is just four, has gone through huge change with a house move, new city, new school etc. He loves going to school and he is not a violent child who hurts himself or others. His teacher says he can't come in because he is disruptive and "talks in a high squealing voice at times" and she can't care for and teach the other children while he is there. None of these were issues at his Nursery which he attended full time without any extra support.
To make matters worse my elder child is at the same school. She cries when she sees her brother is not allowed in school/lunch times/PE etc while her friend's siblings are. And my son cries when he drops off his sister and can't understand why he can't be allowed to go to his class.
Please please help us here. My family is going through our worst, most stressful period ever. This is a fee paying independent school that is putting us through this hell. A statement, if he gets one, is atleast 4 months away at best, we;ve been told. Till then we can't look at moving him to an ASD special school.
Any advice on what we can do in the meantime?

OP posts:
Original poster
SandFly80 · 04/10/2015 16:09

So, if I can ask without causing any offence or asking for any identifying info here, how extreme does a child's behaviour have to be to get an EHCP? And a referral to a specialist school?
My son is not violent. But he had a tussle with another child in the playground over a toy. Since he doesn't always use his words he swats. I say swats, not hits out or lashes.
I am just trying to consider options here and see what is best for both my children.
I can only subject a spectrum-y child to so much change so my first thought is to try and make this work with the Indy we're at. I hope taking a very firm line with the head may help.

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 04/10/2015 16:07

I wouldn't pay them a penny for the hours they excluded my kid from class.

Move him somewhere else. Don't feel guilty, you were trying your best.

Lowdoorinthewall · 04/10/2015 16:05

It is incredible that they have been so quick to exclude him. I really feel for you. Flowers

Don't lose hope, it will be OK, you will find somewhere in your new area that suits your DS- whether it is making this school work or finding another one.

Could you ask to go in and observe so you can see what it is that the class teacher is finding so disruptive? Is there any chance there has been more of a problem than they are telling you? I think if you want to stay with this school you need to wade in up to your waist and insist on full meetings, being allowed to go in, insisting they get Ed Psych recommendations to support THEM to support DS.

If you don't start looking at your alternatives on Monday. If you were prepared to put your area people might have recommendations of schools that are genuinely inclusive.

Squashybanana · 04/10/2015 16:04

Oh and please don't consider a move to ASD special school just yet. He doesn't sound like he needs that, he really doesn't, unless you are very much underplaying his difficulties.

Floralnomad · 04/10/2015 16:03

Will you get LA help if you are in the independent sector ? When my DS was in an independent school we had to pay to get the deaf teacher in to see him which would have been free in a state school . I think your son would be better served in the state system where he can fully access everything available to him .

Alfieisnoisy · 04/10/2015 16:02

Might also be worth you posting in SEN Chat as there are some very knowledgeable folk over there.

Alfieisnoisy · 04/10/2015 16:01

Sorry OP but as the parent of a child with ASD I think this school have let your son down. They are certainly not practising inclusion.

Are they talking to anyone about him or just taking your extra cash until they can say nicely "sorry we can't meet his needs" at the end of term.

I am not saying all Independent schools are like this and I am sure there are lovely inclusive ones around. However quite frankly at this moment in time you and your DS would be getting much better support and education in the state sector who would at least be talking to the LEA and trying to get the right support in place.

I'd be absolutely fuming in your position. They have really let your child down and are continuing to do so with this 9 hrs a week timetable.

Isthatwhatdemonsdo · 04/10/2015 15:56

Totally agree with Squashy. No way will you get a statement. Move your child to a much better school.

Squashybanana · 04/10/2015 15:54

(This is because the code of practice for SEN states that school has used its 'best endeavours' to try to support your child - and spent at least 6000 pounds - before the LA is expected to support. Reducing a timetable to 9 hours a week within the first half term and demanding full time support doesn't count as 'best endeavours').

Original poster
SandFly80 · 04/10/2015 15:51

No, I am paying them a full fee plus extra (600 pounds a month) for the 9 hours 1:1 he is getting. The only 9 hours he's allowed in school.
Yes, we moved a long way to come to this school. Something they are aware of. Sadly no written record of meeting but we were very clear that he won't be a perfect, conformed child and he will need extra support.
I feel like the biggest muppet now. I did this thinking that following all the professional advice I am giving my son the best chance by keeping him in a small indy with inclusion. This is turning into the biggest mistake of my life.

OP posts:
Squashybanana · 04/10/2015 15:50

You won't get a statement (now called an EHCP) for a non-violent 4 year old who speaks in a high squeaky voice and who has not been supported by school. You didn't choose a great school, you chose a school which can pick and choose who to cater to and frankly it seems they can't be bothered to try to support your son. How will 1 to 1 support help? Will it stop his high pitched voice?!
I would be running fast away from this school and to a nice inclusive state primary (look for caring and nurturing first, not academic results) who can start the journey of supporting your child and who, to be honest, deserve to have him. These guys don't deserve him, and will not serve him to the best of their ability.

Original poster
SandFly80 · 04/10/2015 15:46

RandomMess I have emailed the head yesterday and am seriously looking at removing him. It's been terribly stressful for us. We're paying full fee for him to attend only 9 hours a week and being asked to pay extra for the 1:1 since he doesn't have a statement/EHCP yet so no LA help.
Sirzy I want to keep homeschooling as last resort as he is very capable academically and I don't feel I can help him reach his potential. Also he loves the formal school setting having been in Nursery since 18 months old and all his support staff have stressed need for being around peers to help develop speech and communication, his main area of delay. Worse they are no ASD or homeschooling support groups anywhere near us.

OP posts:
Lowdoorinthewall · 04/10/2015 15:44

Was the only reason for the house move to enable your DS to go to this school? They must have sold you a very good story- do you have records of the meetings you had prior to signing up?

TBH I had red flags going up as soon as I read that his target was just to 'settle in'. What did they mean exactly by that- start behaving exactly like everybody else?

They are clearly NOT inclusive at all. I could understand it if your DS was being violent and they didn't know how to keep him safe- but to say he can't come to school because of verbal stimming?? Are you planning to try to stick with them? If so I think you need a meeting with class teacher, SENCo and Head to talk in detail about what they meant when they said they could support him and to create an action plan which you can hold them to. You ARE only paying them for the 9hrs a week aren't you??

TBH I think in this instance you would probably be better off with a state school. Despite working in the state sector (I am a specialist ASD Teacher) I am pro-Independent. I have my own DS in a prep and it is wonderful. However, I don't think they would do a great job of applying for an EHCP and/or knowing what to do with a child who needed a great deal of differentiation in terms of their environment and learning style. They just don't see enough 'different' sorts of children.

Sirzy · 04/10/2015 15:25

Can you look for a better school for him? Independant or mainstream as this school Unfortunatly don't seem willing to help.

Is homeschooling a possibility for a while?

RandomMess · 04/10/2015 15:22

You need to talk to the head, they've taken your fees with the knowledge that your ds needed support and they would accommodate him and now they're back tracking?