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We're after your collected wit and wisdom (again!)

319 replies

Justine (mumsnet) · 02/02/2005 13:04

Hi all,
We've been asked to put together something for Scotland on Sunday's magazine supplement about the first year of parenthood. Something along the lines of "Things I've learned from my first year of being a mum". They're after pithy, witty one and two liners as well as a nod to the more serious stuff too. Feel free to contribute as many times as you like - I should imagine they'll want to include nicknames so it's your chance to be famous (in your mumsnet persona) in Scotland at least.

I'm racking my brains to think of something good but can't come close to anything as good as this contribution from Spod: "Opening a new box of nappy sacks to discover that they are a different colour to the normal ones (and subconsciously debating which you prefer) can be the highlight of your day.
And this from Anchovy: "When your small baby hasn't had a poo for two days, you should dress it in a babygrow with feet attached" which we put in a similar thing we did for the Guardian a while back.
So, over to you (and many thanks )
Justine, Carrie and Rachel

OP posts:
kalex · 02/02/2005 17:51

Anything dangerous that you lose, and search endlesly for will be found in seconds by a small child while your back is turned.

Car keys are infinately better than plastic ones, always make sure you have a set of spare keys handy.

kalex · 02/02/2005 17:49

Your favourite most expensive shampoo makes the best bubbles in a bath, and can be drained into the bath in a matter of seconds by a 2 year old. Even as you just hang up the towels.

Twiglett · 02/02/2005 17:44
SoupDragon · 02/02/2005 17:43

You just buy a box frame from Ikea...

Twiglett · 02/02/2005 17:42

have just had visions of Soupy trying to think of ways to frame her babies' poos

SoupDragon · 02/02/2005 17:40

If you feed your freshly weaned child carrots for one meal and spinach the next, it comes out the other end in lovely swirly pattern. How do they do that??

MunchedTooManyMarsLady · 02/02/2005 17:36

NSPCC twiglett

Your child will only have the mother of all tantrums when MRS I told you so walks by

Twiglett · 02/02/2005 17:34
Joolstoo · 02/02/2005 17:34

have Morecambe and Wise been resurrected?

Twiglett · 02/02/2005 17:34

knee in the tummy marslady

lowcalCOD · 02/02/2005 17:32

I head but them!

MunchedTooManyMarsLady · 02/02/2005 17:31

an ironing board has more flexibility than a toddler who refuses to go into a buggy/car seat

Twiglett · 02/02/2005 17:31

I bow to your superiority in octopus-filleting

lowcalCOD · 02/02/2005 17:31

npot if you are a s uperior mother of course

Twiglett · 02/02/2005 17:30

it is easier to fillet a live octopus than to cut a baby's fingernails

lowcalCOD · 02/02/2005 17:28

or the razor like quality of a babys finger nailsfgs!

Twiglett · 02/02/2005 17:28

you will never again underestimate how painful it is to be head-butted by an 8 month old

lowcalCOD · 02/02/2005 17:26

you will never hav anticipated the strength and and animal quality of the love a mother can have towards her child.

Twiglett · 02/02/2005 17:26

remember one day you too will be a mother-in-law

an 8 month old may turn their nose up at all the lovingly prepared home-cooked food, but they sure do like to eat Sky digital cards

there is nothing faster than a crawling baby

the best toy for a baby is an older child

Joolstoo · 02/02/2005 17:25

"you will be very mistrustful of anyone without kids" - who give you 'knowing?' looks!

Joolstoo · 02/02/2005 17:25

Twiglett -

lowcalCOD · 02/02/2005 17:24

you will be very mistrustful of anyone without kids

Joolstoo · 02/02/2005 17:24

of course she was - wasn't she Gobbledigook?!

lowcalCOD · 02/02/2005 17:23

you will leave naff kiddies cds on in the car way fater you have dropped them off at nursery

fisil · 02/02/2005 17:23

You used to congratulate yourself if you remembered something you'd forgotten to pick up before you got to the checkout in Tescos. Now you think "excellent, forgot to get the toothbrushes, that will give us a reason to go out tomorrow!".

You congratulate yourself because you caught all the sick in your hands and none went on the sofa/carpet.

Banana comes out of the other end looking like spinach. Banana, that innocent nearly white fruit, stains like nothing else.

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