Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Site stuff

Join our Innovation Panel to try new features early and help make Mumsnet better.

Original poster

We're after your collected wit and wisdom (again!)

319 replies

Justine (mumsnet) · 02/02/2005 13:04

Hi all,
We've been asked to put together something for Scotland on Sunday's magazine supplement about the first year of parenthood. Something along the lines of "Things I've learned from my first year of being a mum". They're after pithy, witty one and two liners as well as a nod to the more serious stuff too. Feel free to contribute as many times as you like - I should imagine they'll want to include nicknames so it's your chance to be famous (in your mumsnet persona) in Scotland at least.

I'm racking my brains to think of something good but can't come close to anything as good as this contribution from Spod: "Opening a new box of nappy sacks to discover that they are a different colour to the normal ones (and subconsciously debating which you prefer) can be the highlight of your day.
And this from Anchovy: "When your small baby hasn't had a poo for two days, you should dress it in a babygrow with feet attached" which we put in a similar thing we did for the Guardian a while back.
So, over to you (and many thanks )
Justine, Carrie and Rachel

OP posts:
MunchedTooManyMarsLady · 04/02/2005 18:57

No matter what your child has achieved, someone else's is a bl**dy prodigy!

Twiglett · 04/02/2005 18:52

You know when you're telling other people about the latest miraculous thing your baby has acheived? Well, that smile in response is fixed in place and behind those glassy eyes they're screaming.

motherinferior · 04/02/2005 18:45

Things can only get better.

Well, probably, anyway.

SabineJ · 04/02/2005 16:44

Whatever your instinct is telling you - Trust yourself. You will be right whatever the GP, HV etc ... are saying !!

kate100 · 04/02/2005 16:42

Things I have learnt;
It is amazing that you can become so interested in someone elses bowel movements .... but other people aren't

That I don't care if other people look at you if you are walking around the shops singing to help your little one to sleep

I have learned the names of all 4 teletubbies

I have a new respect and understanding f my owm parents

Newbarnsleygirl · 04/02/2005 16:29

It's not good when you start watching repeats of Teletubbies, Tweenies and Pingu!

Frizbe · 04/02/2005 16:26

You will get a horrible bit of hard skin in the middle of your knees from all that crawling on the floor, changing nappies and playing!

blotto · 04/02/2005 15:22

The world won't end just because you go to Sainsburys in your pyjama bottoms. Twice.

Family / friends / HVs will ALWAYS pop in unannounced on the day that you cant be bothered to dress the baby so they are festering in a scuzzy babygro.

By the age of 6 months the baby will almost certainly have more clothes, savings and friends than both parents put together.

Baby's reaction to you being in a hurry to go somewhere will always be to slow down and then be sick at the last minute.

Just because you cant see any baby vomit, dont be fooled into thinking you can just dab down the carpet or sofa. By tomorrow morning the room will stink and there will be permanent stains.

You will never feel the same about your own parents again once you have kids of your own - maybe in a good way, maybe in a bad way, but never the same now you know what they have been through.

colditzmum · 04/02/2005 14:53

Kath H will your mum n dad adopt me?

blotto · 04/02/2005 14:52

No matter how much you love your baby, you love them a little bit more when they are sound asleep.

KathH · 04/02/2005 14:42

and also that a baby will also prefer to poo in a nice clean nappy they've had on for 0.0006 seconds rather than the wet one they've had on for 2 hrs.

morningpaper · 04/02/2005 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KathH · 04/02/2005 14:32

i realised how fantastic my own mum is - she looked after my daughter while i was at work from when she was 6 wks old (my daughter not my mum!) then on a Saturday night her and my dad would turn up and throw me and dh out to the pub so we could have some time together and when we got back the ironing was done!

lulupop · 04/02/2005 14:23

No matter how carefully you arrange the muslin, you will always get baby sick on your shoulder. Especially if you've just been foolish enough to put a dry-clean only garment on.

softymom · 04/02/2005 13:42

You don't need as much sleep as you thought you did before you had a child.
If you can't do it one-handed, it won't get done.
Say bye bye to natty lipstick sized handbags (sob).
You can indeed watch the baby while checking the footie results/reading a book/surfing mumsnet!

Snugs · 04/02/2005 13:41

The best present you can get for new parents is a subscription to Mumsnet

Hausfrau · 04/02/2005 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chandra · 04/02/2005 11:09

Suddenly you realise that you can't hold a puppy in your arms without trying to make him burp . Embarrasing but true...

emmatmg · 04/02/2005 09:54

we obviously go to different clinics NP.

slug · 04/02/2005 09:51

As soon as you have a baby you become invisible. Your partner, however, will discover that carrying a small child makes him a babe magnet. Encourage this, it means he will be keen to carry the small one or push the buggy whenever you go out.

nailpolish · 04/02/2005 09:51

emma - LOL!

emmatmg · 04/02/2005 09:50

Np, sorry.....it's my baby!

emmatmg · 04/02/2005 09:49

got it SO right, even.

nailpolish · 04/02/2005 09:49

you will go to the baby clinic and sit beaming because your baby is the prettiest baby there

i am not ashamed of doing that!

emmatmg · 04/02/2005 09:49

ediemay........you've got SO it right!!

Huge bogies? my boys culitate the biggest ones I've EVER seen. How does that happen?

Sticky hands? I washed ds2 hands before leaving the house. By the time we got home they were filthy and sticky!?!?!?!?

Ear wax? OMG where does it all come from?

Sleep Chuckling? I sooooo agree, unbelieveabley cute.